If I show up late to an important event, please don’t date me; I didn’t want to be there anyway.
If my mom tells you about my previous boyfriends or girlfriends please don’t date me, she will eventually scare you away too.
If I have children and do not support them, please don’t date me, I’ll never be responsible.
If I only call you for sex, money or shelter, please don’t date me; it does not get any better.
If I ask you change your hair, clothes or weight, please don’t date me; you’ll never live up to my expectations.
If I say I am busy for the third time and it’s a Tuesday, please don’t date me, I am lying.
If I ask too many questions about your hot friend, please don’t date me, I am really not interested in you.
If I say I’ll call and never do, please do not date me, I am not going to call.
If I am asking you for money after a few dates, please don’t date me; I only want your money.
If I don’t call after sex, please don’t date me, I only wanted the sex.
If I get drunk and can’t control my liquor, please don’t date me, that’s an example of things to come.
If I tell your single mom she’s hot, please don’t date me; I’ll be trying to sleep with her soon.
If I show up at your place and you didn’t tell me where you live, please don’t date me, I am crazy.
If I know where you live and you didn’t tell me, please don’t date me, I am crazy.
If I show up at your job and you didn’t tell me where you work, please don’t date me, I am crazy.
If I tell you I hate my mother, please don’t date me, I am a problem child turned into problem adult and I haven’t addressed my issues.
If my dad tells you that you have nice boobs, please don’t date me, we’re competing.
If I tell you I cannot choose between you and your best friend, please don’t date me, I really want you both.
If my daughter asks if you are her daddy, please do not date me, I haven’t told her the truth yet.
If my son ask if you are his father, please don’t date me, he knows the truth and will make it hard for you here on out.
If I have changed my hair color three times in two months, please don’t date me, I don’t know who I am, and you won’t either.
If I complain about the “white man” all the time, please don’t date me, that’s just my excuse for not wanting to do anything for myself.
If I start making future plans after one date, please don’t date me, I am desperate and needy.
If I say I am sleep and its only 7 pm, please don’t date me; I have someone else over.
If I have a cold sore on my lip and it’s been a few months, please don’t date me, I have herpes
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