Excerpt VI "SugarBelle" Intro to Damien

Damien

Click the Relationship Talk podcast link to listen to an excerpt from the book "SugarBelle". I am currently writing the ending and these characters have taken me on a trip and back again.  If you want to read about the beginning of SugarBelle's and Damien's toxic love affair, Click the link to the right and order SHAME- Love, Lies, and Lust.

Thank you for sharing this journey with me, one day these stories will be on the big screen, or on a stage, and go beyond what I can ever imagine.😊

Peace & Love

Lavidus 

Raw Pixel

Your New Suit

 

Do you really know the people you think you know?  Has anyone in your life changed so drastically that they are unrecognizable? Have you changed?  Do you have the same people in your life for the last twenty years? Do you still trust them?  Do they trust you?  Every day, everything around you changes.  The seasons change, the trees change, and the animals in their natural habitat change.  Are you changing?  Have your mind and emotions caught up to your natural age, or are you still stuck in 1996?

One of the problems with having long-term friendships and long-term relationships is the rate at which someone changes.  You can never determine when those changes will take place, they just do.  Events, circumstances, and the desire to change are some of the things that can ignite that pivotal moment at any moment.  Either those changes extend the relationship or situation or it ends it completely.  There are no wrong answers, just paths to choose. Paths that lead to a better you.  There are some people who will never change and that is their choice.  You have to be brave.  You have to love and accept what you see in the mirror and a lot of people are not ready for that.  Never looking up, never looking down, they are just following the yellow brick road.   When you do change, when you do let go and allow, the need to resist or figure it all out goes away.  The come-up is no longer appealing.

I have changed a lot.   I had to remove and be willing to let go of all the relationships that served no real good purpose in my life. I had to remove titles and judge people by their actions.  I had to take a good look at the part I was playing in my own demise and remove myself and gravitate to those who match my vibe and speak my language.   Some would like you to believe that you are not who you say you are, or that you are naive, or that you are not worthy of anything but what they provide.  Well, those who have been through the fire and are still here, know that that is not true.  If anything you learned how to enjoy your own company.  You learned to study yourself and master yourself and see through people.  When you master yourself, you get to see the old self in those old people.  You get to see why they were in your life and why they come back. How many of you have run across an old X or someone from your past and thought, how the hell was this person ever in my life? I actually had sex with that?  You get to see why those people are in your past and why they must remain there.

When you upgrade your mind and your vision of the world and the people in it changes, you can no longer entertain what was.  If they are not growing with you, I guarantee they are growing against you.  You can only wish them well on their journey and thank them for the experience.   You can't put on a new suit and go sit in the gutter.  You can either go back to who you used to be and keep on that gutter suit or you can keep your new suit clean and be around other people who are wearing new suits and who can appreciate your new suit glow.  They know what it took to get there, and they can applaud you and your new suit because they earned one too.

Peace Within

Lavidus

Image by rawpixel.com

Take Your Time

Take your time, why are we in such a rush to get somewhere?  Why are we in such a rush to be or to do the next thing?   We are moving so fast that we no longer have time for time.  Are we in such a rush to be the next or the "New You" that we've left the unhealed part of ourselves behind?  We tuck the hurt, only to have reality rear its ugly head around Spring time when you thought that he or she was the one. Or after you have folded on that gym membership for the third year in a row, baby, just take your time.  There is no rush to improve perfection, every day leads to the new you, so what's the rush?

We bombard ourselves with the impression and the good intentions of becoming these new versions of ourselves.  Although that is possible, we must also be realistic and to not sell ourselves the same bargain of change that the world is offering us. Can we really change from December 31st to January 1st?  Can we really forget our old selves and forge ahead with this new identity and instantly forget the past?  No, I think not.  Well, maybe temporarily.  We all know that long-term change takes time, commitment, and determination and most of us give up by January 13th.  Each year we set ourselves up for another whirlwind relationship that begins with the promise of an unmet resolution.  I am suggesting that you take your time and give yourself a break before implementing changes that mentally you may not be ready for, be gentle with yourself.  

I mentioned earlier on a post on my Twitter (@LLWriter) that January should be the transition month.  If it takes 21 days to officially implement and make a change, then it should take just as long before we make a full commitment to these hopeful resolutions.  We should just spend 21 days thinking about what we want before we actually move towards it.  We can make resolutions every single day.  We can also take baby steps every single day. What we often do instead, is set expectations so high that we intentionally set ourselves up for failure. How many times have you had to start over?   Although there is nothing wrong with having to start over, in order to believe in the impossible, you must do what's possible first, so take your time with these necessary changes. 

In 2019, I was almost 200 pounds.  I was uncomfortable and I wanted to lose weight quickly, so I was starting and stopping all these different methods.  I failed at so many diets that I just stopped trying.  My body then started to reject the things I no longer needed, like energy drinks and sugar.  I no longer wanted to drink alcohol and I stopped eating certain foods.  My body naturally craved more vegetables and home-cooked meals, so that's what I gave it.  I made that change and although I had no idea what was happening, I went with what my body was saying and I lost forty pounds before I knew it. I became my ideal weight without even thinking about it.  Once I removed the desire, the solution came to me.   

Sometimes we have to pull away from the things we want the most, just to release the desire and allow the flow.  We don't always have to chase the things we want, if we truly deserve them they will come to us and it will be effortlessly.  So, take your time.

As this new year moves along, go with the flow.  Keep your intentions in mind, and in heart, but allow room for flow and take all the time you need to get to where you are going.  I am not saying that you rest on your laurels or let procrastination be your guide, all I am saying is there is no rush.  What's yours will always be yours and the destination will always be there.  Enjoy the journey and this experience while witnessing the miracles in your life.

Peace & Love💓💓

Lavidus

Why 80% of Resolutions Fail

"Capricorn Season"

There was a time when everything seemed so simple

The lines were real fine, blind, with no wrinkles

 

All eyes on me, but you still can't see your image

Prayer, spells, and wishing you well will not repair the damage

You took a chance on a zero cause

Sealed your fate, put you on a permanent pause

All because your ego had you in a Kung-Fu grip

Couldn't see past your own thoughts

You let the wrong words pass your lips

Now what the Moon concealed the Sun will shine bright

All things done in the dark will finally see the light.

Enjoy the Season!  Thank you all for your continuous love and support!💖💖💋

Lavidus

I will be celebrating my birthday starting right now!  I have so much to be thankful for and much more to celebrate.  "Do not let the world choose who you are or who you become." LLW😍😍😃😁

If you are feeling generous this season, hit the donate button on your right or send me a gift.  I am sending you back all the love you can handle. 💓💓

Ride the Wave

Just Checking In......

Life happens in waves and if you can navigate those waves, life gets easier and you have a clearer understanding of why it all had to happen.  You learn to go on with a new attitude and leave those things that no longer serve you behind.   It gets easier to leave those things behind and move towards those things that feel good.  Those things that actually add to your happiness, are the only things that really matter.

When you get to a certain stage in life, everyone can't go with you. There are doors and chapters that will be closed forever.  Everyone will not be happy for you and everyone will not have a place in your future.   Some roads you must travel alone in order to get the full view of what this road may have just for you.  Everyone may not understand your path in the first place, so it is not up to them to determine your worth.  This is your life.  This is your gift, what are you going to do with it?

There is power in knowing who you are.  Power in knowing about the abilities that exist in us all.  We won't all have the same lessons to learn, and we won't all have the same experiences, but we all can come together and move mountains.   Imagine competing and comparing yourself to someone who does not even have the same purpose as you.  What a waste.  When you are able to dive into who you are and expose those parts of yourself that you won't even look at, there's a level of freedom that becomes a part of your existence when you can fully accept yourself. You may even wonder what took you so long to get to this place or wonder why it had to be you or wonder why your life is this way.  Well, none of that really matters.  What matters is that you are able to find yourself at every stage of your life, get lost, find yourself, get lost again and discover yourself. Get lost and love every part of it.  

One of the most unfortunate things in life is not being able to live in your truth.  Some of us, some of them, some of U’s are living but not really having the ability to live.  Loving without really having the ability to be loved.  Existing but not really feeling anything.   It all becomes empty emotions on repeat because those fictitious feelings become real and you hold on to the parts that you thought you needed.  Learn to release and let it all go.  Life is but a dream, so just learn to step back and ride the wave. 

Lavidus

"A person who doesn’t live in their truth can never make you happy.” LLW

Photo Credit: Waves

Open Mind

Do you have an open mind?  Do you see things clearly or as you want them to be?  Can you accept opinions and beliefs that differ from yours without any judgment?    Do we all need to be doing and saying the same things in order to make progress?   I value your difference.  I don't need you to always understand where I am coming from, just respect the difference.   I enjoy hearing opinions that are different from mine because it offers the opportunity to learn something new.  I hold no preconceived notions other than the character that an individual may present to me.  How open are you to accepting the things that you do not understand?

It is natural for us to judge. Our mind requires us to come to some conclusions about how we engage and it helps us to create our perception of who we are engaging with.  How willing are you to put all your restraining beliefs behind you and accept the difference of the person you are judging.  Are you open enough to allow a person to introduce themselves before you cast them in a category based on your experience?

Having an open mind means you are willing to consider other perspectives or at least try new experiences.   An open mind can be the introduction to a whole new world.   A person who does not know how far they can go because they limit themselves will not expect you to go any further than what they can conceive.  Our limitations are not always intentional. Some are programmed, others are chosen and some are not even aware of their limits or can understand how a person can be limitless.

We are all subject to our beginnings. Within that beginning are conditions and those conditions help develop who we are, what we believe, and how we think. It has been made impossible for us to all be the exact same. You can have six siblings who grew up in the same household, and each one will have a different perception of what that experience was.  We are all in the same household sharing a different experience and somewhere in all of who you are, in who we are, lies the gift.  That gift is recognizing who you are and what you bring to the world. You are important, you are important and you are very important.   People have a tendency to believe that importance and monetary value are the same and it is not.  There are people with a lot less who are more willing to give you the shirt off their backs and give you some of what they have because no matter what their experience has been, they are not so out of touch with the human experience and are still able to give.

When you do not have an open mind and are not open to new experiences you are choosing to practice a form of ignorance.   Imagine judging someone who has experienced life differently than you. A person who has gained and experienced life through their own personal lens and you judge them and call them ignorant because you do not understand.  How would you feel to be judged by what you don’t know, instead of who you really are?  Everyone will not wake up, and that is part of their purpose.

 

Life is pretty simple.  We all want to be loved, accepted, and respected.  For a moment forget about race, forget about time, forget about all the injustices of the world and just love someone today. Forgive someone today. Be sweet and kind because it's free.  We are all experiencing this battle for our souls. This urgent buildup of something new, this breakthrough, this new way of existing, and believe me, it's here.    Open your mind and visualize what you want to see in the world and be just that.  

Chaka Khan-Angel

Peace & Love

Lavidus

Celebrity Knews!

If you listen to my podcast you will know that I rarely talk about current events.  I rarely talk about celebrities or politicians or comment on too many fluff stories.  Some are just characters playing their part in the world, designed for a specific purpose and some are not.  I have noticed a slight trend that will soon affect you and me.   How important is it to be able to say what you want to say?  What if your opinion is offensive to a group of people or a religion, should you not be able to have or share that opinion?  What if you wore your opinion on a t-shirt?  When practicing your free speech, should you be banned and shut down or honored and respected?  

A few recent events have piqued my interest in the celebrity world.  Let’s begin with Andrew Tate, (who oooozzeess confidence among other things) who has been banned from all social media outlets because of his opinion on women or was he speaking facts?   Are these the same social media outlets that will only show my videos if I show some ass, or expose some cleavage or do some really dumb shit, you mean all of a sudden care about women?  Do you mean to tell me the social media outlets that shadowban, and that has a debilitated algorithm really care about women?   Oh ok. 

Let's move on to Kanye "Genius" West, who apparently said something anti-semitic, and was banned from all social media outlets. He must have said something that was true because if it was a lie, why protect it so much?    These news outlets speak lies all day every day and no one has shut them down.  Why?    I am not one to force-feed you information, and hold your hand and lead you to the promised land, we have several other people for that. However, I do believe Kanye has planted a seed, what are you going to do with it?  

Are we slowly approaching the dismantling of our free speech?  Your opinion does not matter unless it supports the current agenda.    Everybody is offended and wants to cry about a long gone past when we should be focused on the here and now.  "The future is not promised, but it is there for the taking."   When people can be shut down for speaking an opinion in the form of truth, then you just may be next.   To those who are offended about everything, you need some healing.   You shouldn't be allowing a person's words to control how you feel about yourself. This particular paradigm is made to keep you in a low vibrational state.  It's designed to keep you experiencing things that make you feel, sad, lonely, and hopeless and it is currently clashing with the higher frequency that is already here.  So the truth has to be told. The truth has to rise to the surface and if you are on the right side of truth, you will too. 

Andrew Tate and Kanye West are just a few examples of people getting shut down for speaking what they know to be the truth.  Are these social media outlets really protecting us, or preventing us from knowing the truth?  They have given us this drug and now since we are addicted and can use it to our advantage, you want to take it away or control how we use it.  That's not what drug dealers do.  Well, maybe we should just get off the drug, start detoxing right now and put social media on a skinny diet because we are the people that hold the power of their existence, not the other way around.

 In this modern world, you should be able to voice your opinion and your beliefs, without anyone getting offended because you can either agree or disagree.  Why should I hold my tongue because you are not mature enough to accept an opinion that is in contrast to yours?  Why should I not share what my experience is, because you have not experienced it?   If you want me to believe in your dubious stand for me, remind me of my resistance, strength, and the uniqueness of my DNA.  Constantly reminding me that my ancestors were slaves, or that we were victims of brutality, and treated unfairly is not empowering.  I can turn on the news for that.  Stop watching movies that do not reflect where you are going.  It's one thing to be entertained, but if you would notice, do you really need to be constantly reminded of the past?  The past is dead and gone.

 Is Andrew Tate really as misogynistic as they say he is, for being what he believes is a man?   Is Kanye West so wrong for saying who he believes are the real Jews?  He is not being any more offensive than the people who pretend they are black.  Pay attention.   Keep empowering yourselves with the truth, because it does set you free.  Continue to watch what is being said and who is saying it.  As things become more convoluted, even more things will become clear, because nothing is what it seems, including me.

Kanye West-Flashing Lights   

Peace & Love

Lavidus

When It's Good to You, But Not Good for You

Greetings Beautiful People....💋💜💛💚

Owwww have you ever had something that was so good to you but not good for you?  Why is it that the hardest people and things to let go of are the things that provide us with the greatest high, but just simply is not good?  Things that we have to sneak to get it or that are tempting just feel better when we get them, right?  Whether it's people, places, or things,  re we really addicted, is that forbidden fruit that appealing? Or is it just something that we need to experience in order to get to where we need to be?

I used to love this man.  At least I thought I loved him,  I loved what he did with his magic wand.  I loved how he could maneuver around my body.  I loved how he could conquer and revive, ya know what I mean?  Had me completely blind to the facts.  But silly me, those were moments that I thought it was love.  He knew exactly what it really was because that's how he operated.  I thought well damn, it can't be this good with everybody?   Turns out it wasn't but he didn't find that out until he left and tried to come back.  Anyway... It didn't matter how good or bad it was, he was serving it up like hotcakes during Sunday Brunch. He was spreading it around like almond butter with all the nuts.   I could have easily chosen to continue to be blind, but what it was and what it wasn't became even more and more obvious and neither of us could not ignore the facts. .  He belonged over there and I belonged up there. We were on different shelves of life and I didn't have time for him to catch up. And besides, just because he looks the part, does not mean he knows the part.   

One more donut is good to you but may not be good for you.

One more night might be good to you, but may not be good for you.

Telling that lie might sound good to you, but in the long run, may not be good for you.

I know we all have experienced something that was so so bad but felt so so good, temporarily.  But for the love of ourselves, in order to keep our sanity and self-respect, we must let go of those relationships that only provide moments of happiness and years of despair. Let go of that job that seems to just drains you and keeps you from what you really want.  Letting go of that one-sided love, letting go of living an unfulfilled life.  I know that toxic shit can feel so good, temporarily.  But once you fully let go, you'll realize it wasn't the toxic shit that felt good, it was what you imagined it to be, you kept being disappointed by what you hoped it to be.  You created your own disappointment by believing something that you knew wasn't true.   There is strength in our lessons so don't be afraid of making mistakes, it's your chance to change and be honest with who you really are.   Learn to love yourself enough to know when something is good to you, but not good for you. 

Chocolate Love- Sanura & Raheem DeVaughn

Peace & Love

Lavidus

Are You A Compliment or Insult?

 Does the person in your life compliment you?  Are they a true representation of who you are and what you love for?   One person may look at your relationship and not understand the connection, but see the love. Another may not see the love, but understand why you are together.  I believe when it comes to choosing partners, lovers, wives, etc. you should be able to compliment each other, not just physically, but spiritually as well.   Whomever you decide to lock it down with, that person represents a part of you.  Look at the person you love, the person you are married to, or the person you are dating.   Yes, that's how you feel inside.  So, are you a compliment or an insult?  

Would you want someone to tell you you're the best, even when you are not?   Or would you want to be accepted and loved just as you are, flaws and all?   When you compliment someone you are also complimenting yourself, you are acknowledging yourself in them. There is no way you can be in a relationship with someone and not see parts of yourself, whether you like those parts or not, that person you have chosen represents a part of who you are.   If someone is acknowledging that you are not the best or the most intelligent, they are also acknowledging that in themselves.   If someone is loving you, accepting you, and giving you all they got, it's because they have that love within themselves to give. You cannot see (yourself) something in someone else and not acknowledge it in yourself.

Make me believe that I am exceptional from the rest, or make me feel special and not just someone you can get because you can not get anyone else.  What people fail to understand is love does not require you to lie to make the other person feel better about themselves.  Love does not require you to validate the unstable actions and mental state of someone who is truly incapable of maintaining a healthy relationship, because now you're married.  One of the sweetest things about love is you do not have to be too much of anything to receive it.   You do not have to be the best at anything.  You don't have to be perfect.  You just have to be able to share and reciprocate and be the yang to my yin.

Are you brave enough to love who you love?   Does the man or woman in your life compliment you?  People often say that life is short and time waits on no one, but there are millions of people living in relationships that they regret, being misrepresented by the person they love.  They won't even walk down the street and hold your hand, because they have made up their mind that you do not represent them.   Make sure you are with someone who truly represents who you are and who can love all sides of you. You do not want someone who will just compliment you behind closed doors.

Peace & Love

Lavidus

Please Don't Date Me-100 More Reasons Why (AudioBook)

Don't Affirm, Accept.

We all have these fantastic journeys that we are traveling.  These journeys we call life, we don't always have all the answers, nor do we always have it all figured out.  Some of us are able to ride the wave and manage this thing called life and others not so much.  When you resist, life gets complicated.  In order to cope and to make ourselves feel better, one of the ways we confirm our existence is through

 affirmations.  We affirm what we want, we affirm who we are, and we affirm who we aspire to be.  I am worthy.  I am strong.  I am somebody, but are you really?   During this episode, I explore the idea of accepting ourselves where we are first before we affirm who we want to be. 

I am on my own journey of self-love and self-discovery and it has not always been easy or nice.  I am not perfect by any means, but I always seek what I believe to be right and just.  Earlier in my life, some of my decisions were made based on my lack of confidence and on what was safe. I wasn't aware of the safety net that I had created for myself which also stunting my growth.  I was not always allowing myself to flow.  I was affirming "I am open to receive..blah blah blah..all that is divinely mine blah, blah, blah.  Affirming, but not willing to take the risk.  Believing, but not really ready to step out of faith.  I had to check myself and align myself with the words that were coming out of my mouth.  I had to enjoy, relax and accept myself at the stage I was at and then confirm with conviction who I was becoming.

Before you start affirming to what you want next or what you want to become, accept where you are right now.  Accept not being exactly where you want to be or who you want to be.   Accept your imperfections and what you don't like, and be open to making changes for your highest good.  This love thing is not about getting to a point where you have reached all these goals or made this much money, it's about accepting and knowing who you are before you get there.   You are who you are and your path is designed for you and you only.   Don't start looking in the mirror when you get a new outfit, or when you get those nails done, look at yourself right now.  Appreciate who you are and how far you've come at this very moment.  Once you do, whatever you want next is on the way.

Peace & Love

Lavidus

Please Don't Date Me-100 More Reasons Why (AudioBook)

Cre-A-Tor

Today's positive affirmation from the Make Today Magical Positive Affirmation Card Set is "I create the life I dream of". We are always co-creating with the universe.  God, source, whatever you believe in or do not believe in, you are the creator of your life, and with the right thoughts, intentions and focus your dream life can and will appear once you are aligned with those desires.  For those of you who do not know, focusing on someone else only takes away from you and whatever you attain by focusing on someone else will definitely be temporary.  Put your money where your thoughts are.  Are you not worthy of your own thoughts? Do you not believe in your creative abilities?

Creator.  What is a creator?  According to Oxford's dictionary, a creator is a person or thing that brings something into existence.  A creator can also be referred to as God.  Are you a creator? Do you have the ability to bring things into existence?  Can you turn negative energy into positive energy? Are you an alchemist?  We all have the ability, but I am not sure many of us have the belief in ourselves to use it.  To nurture it. To find it.  Instead, some may want to use someone else's intellectual property, which just makes you a copycat.

When you believe that you are a creator and understand the power that it holds then you are able to use your own unique gifts to your advantage.  Have you given up so much of yourself that you are now being managed like a puppet?  The creation begins in the mind and what you believe.  Your imagination can take you places and make you feel things before they come in to fruition.  How are you using that power?  Up until this point what kind of life have you created for yourself?  Does it look as good on the inside as it does on the outside?  

It can be a struggle to have dreams that no one believes in.  That's when you leave those 'No one's" behind and let them focus on you.   Believe in your creation.  Dream it.  Live it. Smell it and taste it.  No one has to, but you, because you are the creator.   I found my greatest strength and discovery of self, by being alone and creating.  There has been so much of myself that was undiscovered by me because I was trying to fit into a character that was not me.  Having a typical life has never been for me and once I accepted that, things began to move in the direction that I needed to go in.  I want to share with you today that, let the typical play their typical roles, what else can they do?  Do not let someone else's shame be your problem.  Do not absorb someone else thoughts and creations, be your own creator, and manage your own thoughts. Especially, the thoughts about yourself.  You have been given this gift of life, what are you going to do with it?  

Create the life you dream of.  Of course, you would like to have others to love it, but no one has to love it but you.  This timeline is yours to play with.  Be willing to let go and be guided to paradise.  Paradise is here, turn right and it is sitting there on the corner, but if you do not see the signs you just might miss it.    Imagine what a perfect life for you would be like.  No clocking in.  Raising with the sun, and sleeping with the stars.  Create the life you want.  Laying by the ocean, while your feet are deep in the sand. Create the life you want, touring the world sharing, learning, and teaching.  You are not far from whatever you imagine.  Keep that feeling of gratitude and get out there and make it a great day, it is all yours.

Lavidus