Your Inner Child

A lot of us need mothers and a lot of us need fathers.  When we are children if the emotional aspect of ourselves is not met and we become adults we will seek that emotional fulfillment in our relationships. We will look for acceptance, we will look for that validation, we will look for that nourishment and love. And when they can't find it, or when they don't recognize it, we will destroy whoever is trying to give it to them.  It's almost like, they need you to hate them as much as they hate themselves.  

When the inner child is not healed you run into all kinds of problems as an adult.   Along with sabotaging your relationships, you blame and remain an eternal victim of circumstance.  You can only grow and be fruitful when you are accountable when you are able to look at yourself and accept your true nature.  You can't blame momma and daddy forever.   There are those who refuse to heal because of the attention that it garners for being an eternal victim.  That attention fulfills a level of satisfaction, and it allows them to point the finger at someone else.  Being in a relationship with a person with an unhealed inner child is like being in a relationship with a child.  There is a lack of communication, mind games are played and instead of addressing their feelings, they do things behind your back to interfere with your progress or create situations where you need them.  

I remember when I was dating a guy who I had over for breakfast. It was his first time that he was having breakfast with my children and I had made pancakes and sausage, typical breakfast stuff.   I cut up my daughter's pancakes because she was five years old at the time. The guy I was dating asked me why didn't I cut up his pancakes? At first, I thought he was just being funny, but he wasn't and I asked him if he wanted me to call his momma to come cut up his pancakes because I was not going to be cutting up pancakes for a grown-ass man.  Throughout the relationship, I realized he was just grown physically.  There was a child in him waiting to be paid attention to and acknowledged.  Of course, I did not know that at the time, but yes, that was his inner child speaking.  

The journey to self can seem long and tempestuous and there are no shortcuts.   You have to learn to address ourselves before we address other people.  The path you are on is yours alone, so find the strength to accept your place in the world.  You don't have to be like anyone else, but yourself.  You don't have to compare yourself to anyone because there is no one like you.  Sometimes we have to become the parents that we needed and love ourselves unconditionally, with no judgment.  Pursue those things that bring you the most joy.  Play and be a joyous, fearless child, the world is yours.

Peace Within

Lavidus

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Your New Suit

 

Do you really know the people you think you know?  Has anyone in your life changed so drastically that they are unrecognizable? Have you changed?  Do you have the same people in your life for the last twenty years? Do you still trust them?  Do they trust you?  Every day, everything around you changes.  The seasons change, the trees change, and the animals in their natural habitat change.  Are you changing?  Have your mind and emotions caught up to your natural age, or are you still stuck in 1996?

One of the problems with having long-term friendships and long-term relationships is the rate at which someone changes.  You can never determine when those changes will take place, they just do.  Events, circumstances, and the desire to change are some of the things that can ignite that pivotal moment at any moment.  Either those changes extend the relationship or situation or it ends it completely.  There are no wrong answers, just paths to choose. Paths that lead to a better you.  There are some people who will never change and that is their choice.  You have to be brave.  You have to love and accept what you see in the mirror and a lot of people are not ready for that.  Never looking up, never looking down, they are just following the yellow brick road.   When you do change, when you do let go and allow, the need to resist or figure it all out goes away.  The come-up is no longer appealing.

I have changed a lot.   I had to remove and be willing to let go of all the relationships that served no real good purpose in my life. I had to remove titles and judge people by their actions.  I had to take a good look at the part I was playing in my own demise and remove myself and gravitate to those who match my vibe and speak my language.   Some would like you to believe that you are not who you say you are, or that you are naive, or that you are not worthy of anything but what they provide.  Well, those who have been through the fire and are still here, know that that is not true.  If anything you learned how to enjoy your own company.  You learned to study yourself and master yourself and see through people.  When you master yourself, you get to see the old self in those old people.  You get to see why they were in your life and why they come back. How many of you have run across an old X or someone from your past and thought, how the hell was this person ever in my life? I actually had sex with that?  You get to see why those people are in your past and why they must remain there.

When you upgrade your mind and your vision of the world and the people in it changes, you can no longer entertain what was.  If they are not growing with you, I guarantee they are growing against you.  You can only wish them well on their journey and thank them for the experience.   You can't put on a new suit and go sit in the gutter.  You can either go back to who you used to be and keep on that gutter suit or you can keep your new suit clean and be around other people who are wearing new suits and who can appreciate your new suit glow.  They know what it took to get there, and they can applaud you and your new suit because they earned one too.

Peace Within

Lavidus

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Take Your Time

Take your time, why are we in such a rush to get somewhere?  Why are we in such a rush to be or to do the next thing?   We are moving so fast that we no longer have time for time.  Are we in such a rush to be the next or the "New You" that we've left the unhealed part of ourselves behind?  We tuck the hurt, only to have reality rear its ugly head around Spring time when you thought that he or she was the one. Or after you have folded on that gym membership for the third year in a row, baby, just take your time.  There is no rush to improve perfection, every day leads to the new you, so what's the rush?

We bombard ourselves with the impression and the good intentions of becoming these new versions of ourselves.  Although that is possible, we must also be realistic and to not sell ourselves the same bargain of change that the world is offering us. Can we really change from December 31st to January 1st?  Can we really forget our old selves and forge ahead with this new identity and instantly forget the past?  No, I think not.  Well, maybe temporarily.  We all know that long-term change takes time, commitment, and determination and most of us give up by January 13th.  Each year we set ourselves up for another whirlwind relationship that begins with the promise of an unmet resolution.  I am suggesting that you take your time and give yourself a break before implementing changes that mentally you may not be ready for, be gentle with yourself.  

I mentioned earlier on a post on my Twitter (@LLWriter) that January should be the transition month.  If it takes 21 days to officially implement and make a change, then it should take just as long before we make a full commitment to these hopeful resolutions.  We should just spend 21 days thinking about what we want before we actually move towards it.  We can make resolutions every single day.  We can also take baby steps every single day. What we often do instead, is set expectations so high that we intentionally set ourselves up for failure. How many times have you had to start over?   Although there is nothing wrong with having to start over, in order to believe in the impossible, you must do what's possible first, so take your time with these necessary changes. 

In 2019, I was almost 200 pounds.  I was uncomfortable and I wanted to lose weight quickly, so I was starting and stopping all these different methods.  I failed at so many diets that I just stopped trying.  My body then started to reject the things I no longer needed, like energy drinks and sugar.  I no longer wanted to drink alcohol and I stopped eating certain foods.  My body naturally craved more vegetables and home-cooked meals, so that's what I gave it.  I made that change and although I had no idea what was happening, I went with what my body was saying and I lost forty pounds before I knew it. I became my ideal weight without even thinking about it.  Once I removed the desire, the solution came to me.   

Sometimes we have to pull away from the things we want the most, just to release the desire and allow the flow.  We don't always have to chase the things we want, if we truly deserve them they will come to us and it will be effortlessly.  So, take your time.

As this new year moves along, go with the flow.  Keep your intentions in mind, and in heart, but allow room for flow and take all the time you need to get to where you are going.  I am not saying that you rest on your laurels or let procrastination be your guide, all I am saying is there is no rush.  What's yours will always be yours and the destination will always be there.  Enjoy the journey and this experience while witnessing the miracles in your life.

Peace & Love💓💓

Lavidus

Why 80% of Resolutions Fail