Love...Lost or Found

I am sitting here thinking about the loves that I have left. There is only one that comes to mind that I simply was not ready for. It makes me wonder the purpose of this love and why it happened. He was and is a wonderful man that I still love, but yet at that time a few years ago, I left him. I left him for no good reason except the fact that I was not ready to be his wife.

There was so much happening in my life and so muchI was going through that becoming a wife was not part of my plans. My plans, I had no plans and so I left the man that loved me with all that he had. I think of him often and wonder where we would be today if I had married him anyway. Only God knows that answer. I wonder because I am now in a better place, and want what I had with him. I mean, so we only get one man who really loves you? Only one man that you really connect with? Is there really only one man that can make you feel like the queen of the earth. I guess timing is everything. I miss him.

Of course, I have went on to date other's, but no one that moves me the way he did. I just wish I could have a do over or something to let me see where we could have gone. Is there a chance for us? It was not a bitter break up, we have seen and talked to each other since, but on a friendly basis. I wanted to tell him to take me back and trust that I loved him, but I broke his heart and his guards were protecting what I once broke down. I respect that. I would not be quick to get back either. I mean there are x-boyfriends who I left who I would not even think of getting back with..at all. Maybe he thinks of me that way. I don't know. He must still love me, at least I hope. Maybe one day our paths will cross and we will have that conversation that brings us closer together. Or maybe I should just continue to move one, and look forward to the next love. Maybe I will be more careful about letting someone go. Be less selfish and more open to what we need as opposed to what I need. Love is a compromise. I can say that if he were to want to marry me today I would. No question. Where are you? What are you doing tonite as I sit here in deep thought about us. There is a woman who loves you and will love you until the end of time, just call my name.