The Grown & Sexy House Party! (ATL)

Yes, it was one of those weekends that my cousin was going to get me house no matter what. I obliged because it was an house party in a nice neighborhood, with supposedly nice people. I was not in the mood for a club or sport's bar, neither one of them would have the type of atmosphere to accommodate the mood I was in. So, we get dressed and off we go.

We arrive and the crowd was just beginning to fill the outdoor area. It gets you with 2 tables of home cooked food; the aroma introduces itself first. It was the making of friends and family celebrating the birthday of someone who was very special based on the volume of the crowd. Once you pass the 2 tables you enter into an area filled with a bar, stools, dominoe table (my favorite) and a pool tables that lays in the back. There were loads of conversing taking place. People busy filling themselves with the feel good juice that would take the mood into the night. The music was low-key, Frankie Beverly and his crew. You could tell this was a mature crowd. Except for one thing.

I smiled as I walked in and scooped the place. I sat at the bar and realized that there were a lot of couples, I noticed because I could feel the heat from their eyes and they clutched their husbands of boyfriends like a purse. I thought, here we go again. A bunch of insecure women thinking that I have ill intentions. As the now famous lyrics of Keyshia Cole, "I don't want your man". Married men to me are like shitty carpets. I am not attracted to them in the least way. Instead of clinging to the possibility to a negative night occurring I thought I would have fun despite the thick plate of judgement soup that was stinking up the air.

I sat beside the birthday girl. I knew it was here. She was the only one that smiles and gave me pleasant eye contact. She asked, I told. Just the basic, who are you? Who are you with? What's your name? And have a good time, and I did.

We went back to Slick Rick and RUN DMC, all the way to Amy Winehouse and Jay Z. We partied. I shot one game of pool and lost, played some dominoes and won. My cousin was the toast of the party, he kept everyone laughing and having a good time. A few drinks later and I started to check out the single men, or the men that appeared to be single, meaning they did not have a woman on their shoulder, and I was disappointed and happy. They were the kind of dudes that you hangout with or go shopping. Ya' know what I mean? I was glad because I had such a good time that it didn't even matter. We partied until the break of dawn.

Upon entering my bed and reminisce about my previous partying years, I was proud of how far I had come. It no longer was about the bass flirting with the cutest dude in the club. Last night was about getting together to celebrate our grown hood along with another year of life. I celebrated with people who were happy in their lives and glad that they could participate in this event. I used to wonder how it would be when I got older. I know now that being grown and sexy is such a wonderful place.

To Marry for security or Real Love?

Boy oh Boy. I have pondered this thought for many years. I have been engaged twice and I often think was I marrying for security or real love? Maybe neither since I am still a bonafide single. But most women I assure you marry for security.

Women want to know that they will be taken care of. I guess then if you really love someone will that equal a happier life in the long run and that too will provide a certain level of security as well, right? Not according to the high percentage of women who are cheating, and mind you, with no guilt.

Well, there are other women who are married and secure and still getting their needs met by an old lover, who is broke, or that thug love who we just can't let go. Or that boy who always moves you in the right places, but doesn't fit that family M.O. I mean what is really important?

I am not really sure, but I am glad that I am waiting to really find out what really is the most important thing for me in making that committment that can only assure changes. Cheating is really not a good look for either party.

Please Don't Date Me.....IF

If I say I’ve never slept with anyone on the first date and I am sleeping with you, please don’t date me, I am lying.
If I say I don’t like using condoms and it’s our first time, please don’t date me, I really don’t use condoms and may already have a sexually transmitted disease.
If I say I want to see you, but never make time to, please don’t date me, I really don’t want to see you.
If my mom is my roommate and it’s my 7th year in college, please don’t date me; I am not ready for a responsible relationship.
If most of my money goes to strippers, please don’t date me; I have a problem that only a stripper can fix.
If I drive a Mercedes, Lexus or BMW and I live in a shack, please don’t date me; my priorities are not in order.
If I say I want to date other people, please don’t date me; I really want to date other people.
If I take exotic trips with my guy friends, please don’t date me, I am trying to date one of them.
If my dog sleeps with me and you can’t, please don’t date me, you’ll never compare.

And you are.....

It just continues to amaze me when people analyze and judge the lives of other people. They sum it up (and you know who you are) as if they have lived it themselves. These are the same people who walk pass the mirror never looking at themselves or addressing their own bullshit, misery or the simple state of their lives, situations of circumstances, but they know all about yours.

They are so consumed with something they have convinced themselves that they know more about, your life! I call them pretender's. To me, they are the happiest unhappy people on earth.

Love......Love and Love Again! (Poem)

Those who never had it, want it
Those who had it, want more of it
Those who have it, can't let go

And those who have been hurt by it, never want it again.

Love, a simple complication of the heart.

LLW

Hip Hop vs. Who?

Ok who watched Hip Hop vs. America? I mean come on people to place the blame of depicting women in a derogatory manner on hip hop is simply ridiculous. Sex and women have been around since the beginning. Women are powerful, knowing how and when to use that power is the question. I do not care how a rap artist depict women, I know who I am. It's entertainment! I do not care about the influence it may have on kids or specifically my daughter, I am her mother, hip hop is not raising her, I am.
We cannot blame hip-hop for something that we are suppose to be doing in our homes. We cannot blame the tragic state that our children are in on hip hip. Where is the responsibility of the parents? Yes, hip hop artist like many other celebrity figures have a level of responsibility for what is being said and shown in the video's, but where do we draw the line? Most of them are parents as well. If you are going to check the hip hop industry, check the porn stores, the strip clubs, the organized prostitution that is taking place everyday.
Unfortunately, Black people are harder on each other than any other race. On top of that, we find it hard to support each other. We sit back and watch, complain and blame, when we should be uplifting and tapping into our real power. For some reason we refuse to. Maybe that's part of us being brought to America and trying to assimilate in a society that does not understand or accept us, so ultimately, we do not want to understand and accept each other.
Let me end by saying that sex sells, and it will forever sell, I think the change that has taken place is that it is more visible and we have more access to it. Music is the universal language and so is sex. And again folks, we live in America, we do have choices, don't let your higher education limit your ability to reason and see things for what they really are.

Thoughts and Actions...

I am sitting in the kitchen and having my usual morning coffee while thinking of my time here in the ATL. It has been fun and very interesting to say the least. I spend most of my time at home writing and doing research so when I go out, it's usually just for a release or to hang out and check the scenery.
This past weekend lead me to hang out with some friends from California I went to high school with. Friends who I have not seen since high school. The experience was interesting to say the least. Of course, I looked the same, and they had the normal changes that take place after, time and children, marriages and all that stuff. I found that at this point in our lives we were all single. Single meaning not married. One was dating and the other not dating at all. I also found them to be interested in other people's lives. More than I was. (I do not care too much about what goes on in another person's life, I am not a gossiper). More people talk about what goes on with me than I care to mention. But anyway, the night goes on sort of like a slow B movie type motion. And all I can say is that people change an grow and become what they are, then while you have done the same thing, you find that you have nothing in common except that you went to the same high school and want the night to be over!

Friends...Are you One?

There are people that come and go in our lives. I am a loyal friend, sometimes to a fault. I hang on sometimes when I should let go, I give the benefit of the doubt when I know the obvious just may be true. All and all, I am still a friend.

Being a good friend starts with loving and being good to yourself. Accepting you and not comparing yourself to the lives of other's. There are my friends whom I had forever. I mean we have grown from being crazy shopaholic teenagers to mother's, wive's and even better friends to each other, they are my girls. We have shared so much with each other and know each other so well, no matter how much time goes by when we get together we always pick up where we left off. There is a love and a bond that is unbreakable.

There is one particular friend that I once had that comes to mind. Some people wonder why I stayed friends with her for so long. Have you ever had that friend that compares you to her all the time. An over-achiever because she is so insecure and does not think that highly of herself. She has her other friends and family thinking things about you that are simply not true at all, like you are some charity case. She's the kind of chick that appears to have a perfect life, when her shit is really in shambles. She surrounds herself with people who she thinks are beneath her. Picks people apart because they are either fat or over weight, when she was once fat herself. I am sure you know the kind. That friend that thinks you are jealous of her and says things like, "Get into Berkeley I couldn't even do that,how are you? "I have two kids, you did not even do that". Bitch please!

What she did not know is I was born beautiful, there is not much work needed here. Never mind the fact that I am intelligent and incredibly irresistable. I kept you around for entertainment. Even your dumb ass comments could not break my confidence. My other friend's wanted to give you a good ole' ghetto beat down to bring you back to earth. Ya, know sometimes you have to shake a bitch to get her marbles back in order. I can only hope that you find love of yourself and happiness within.

If I seem a little bitter, I am not. I have definitely moved on. Even though we had some good times, it seems the bulk of the friendship was based on something that really did not exist. Ok, I am back. I went there for a minute.....lol. And I'll end on one of my favorite quotes, "You can change the outside, but it is the inside the sometimes needs the most work". Peace and Love:).

Married vs. Single Life.....

Yes, ok I had my sentimental moment. I miss my dear love, but I am also in such a good place that I am enjoying it. There are so many people that are married and unhappy or divorced, what's up wit that? Please I am over married men trying to have a little extra on the side, well my married sister's are actually gettin' it! There is nothin like a women who is married and unahppy. She finds what she is looking for while keeping her dry ass husband happy. Do not, I mean do not ever under estimate your woman. You may think you are getting away with something while sleeping with the local stripper, secretary or co-worker. Your wife knows and she is getting her's as well. Men you have not quite caught up with the wit and intelligence of a woman and if you are playing her, it will be short lived. We are the true master's of the universe.

Love...Lost or Found

I am sitting here thinking about the loves that I have left. There is only one that comes to mind that I simply was not ready for. It makes me wonder the purpose of this love and why it happened. He was and is a wonderful man that I still love, but yet at that time a few years ago, I left him. I left him for no good reason except the fact that I was not ready to be his wife.

There was so much happening in my life and so muchI was going through that becoming a wife was not part of my plans. My plans, I had no plans and so I left the man that loved me with all that he had. I think of him often and wonder where we would be today if I had married him anyway. Only God knows that answer. I wonder because I am now in a better place, and want what I had with him. I mean, so we only get one man who really loves you? Only one man that you really connect with? Is there really only one man that can make you feel like the queen of the earth. I guess timing is everything. I miss him.

Of course, I have went on to date other's, but no one that moves me the way he did. I just wish I could have a do over or something to let me see where we could have gone. Is there a chance for us? It was not a bitter break up, we have seen and talked to each other since, but on a friendly basis. I wanted to tell him to take me back and trust that I loved him, but I broke his heart and his guards were protecting what I once broke down. I respect that. I would not be quick to get back either. I mean there are x-boyfriends who I left who I would not even think of getting back with..at all. Maybe he thinks of me that way. I don't know. He must still love me, at least I hope. Maybe one day our paths will cross and we will have that conversation that brings us closer together. Or maybe I should just continue to move one, and look forward to the next love. Maybe I will be more careful about letting someone go. Be less selfish and more open to what we need as opposed to what I need. Love is a compromise. I can say that if he were to want to marry me today I would. No question. Where are you? What are you doing tonite as I sit here in deep thought about us. There is a woman who loves you and will love you until the end of time, just call my name.

Please Don't Date Me....the Sage Continues

If I show up late to an important event, please don’t date me; I didn’t want to be there anyway.
If my mom tells you about my previous boyfriends or girlfriends please don’t date me, she will eventually scare you away too.
If I have children and do not support them, please don’t date me, I’ll never be responsible.
If I only call you for sex, money or shelter, please don’t date me; it does not get any better.
If I ask you change your hair, clothes or weight, please don’t date me; you’ll never live up to my expectations.
If I say I am busy for the third time and it’s a Tuesday, please don’t date me, I am lying.
If I ask too many questions about your hot friend, please don’t date me, I am really not interested in you.
If I say I’ll call and never do, please do not date me, I am not going to call.
If I am asking you for money after a few dates, please don’t date me; I only want your money.
If I don’t call after sex, please don’t date me, I only wanted the sex.
If I get drunk and can’t control my liquor, please don’t date me, that’s an example of things to come.
If I tell your single mom she’s hot, please don’t date me; I’ll be trying to sleep with her soon.
If I show up at your place and you didn’t tell me where you live, please don’t date me, I am crazy.
If I know where you live and you didn’t tell me, please don’t date me, I am crazy.
If I show up at your job and you didn’t tell me where you work, please don’t date me, I am crazy.
If I tell you I hate my mother, please don’t date me, I am a problem child turned into problem adult and I haven’t addressed my issues.
If my dad tells you that you have nice boobs, please don’t date me, we’re competing.
If I tell you I cannot choose between you and your best friend, please don’t date me, I really want you both.
If my daughter asks if you are her daddy, please do not date me, I haven’t told her the truth yet.
If my son ask if you are his father, please don’t date me, he knows the truth and will make it hard for you here on out.
If I have changed my hair color three times in two months, please don’t date me, I don’t know who I am, and you won’t either.
If I complain about the “white man” all the time, please don’t date me, that’s just my excuse for not wanting to do anything for myself.
If I start making future plans after one date, please don’t date me, I am desperate and needy.
If I say I am sleep and its only 7 pm, please don’t date me; I have someone else over.
If I have a cold sore on my lip and it’s been a few months, please don’t date me, I have herpes

It's Not a Good Look when......

It's really not a good look when you get on stage at the VMA's and do a performance that basically ruins your career. It's really not a good look when you literally bitch about not winning an award (kinda girlie, if you ask me). It's really not a good look when you are too insecure to ask a girl out, because she looks fabulous! (that's me). It's not a good look to get engaged knowing you won't marry her because of your "alternative lifestyle". Since when did being gay means you're living an "alternative lifestyle", come on people.

Just so you know it's " National Singles Week", I guess you would only know that if you are single. Well, I am celebrating my happiness and freedom. My ability to not have to compromise and live according to the laws of marraige. Not only can I see a different man everyday, but I can do so without the guilt of cheating or because I am missing something in my relationship or marraige. Yes! I am single and I love it! I am a super flirt, so I am going to enjoy this shit. The best thing about Singles Week is that next week I 'll still be single and I can do it all over again! Whoooaaaahhh!

Fear- Short story

I did not sleep at all last night. In my effort to try to get some rest, I was bombarded by thoughts of ruining this new opportunity. I have the chance of a lifetime, so I had to be prepared. As I watched the sun come up, I laid there in bed thinking how I would change the world and open up minds to what I thought was the beginning of something spectacular and great.
I beat my alarm to the punch; it no longer served a purpose. I rolled out of bed and stepped into a cold shower. As the water stimulated my pores and woke up my senses, I became anew. I had yet to use soap, but I was bubbling with excitement of what the new day would bring. I would show them that I was the one. I would be so exact and amazing that they would have no other choice but to choose me.
My suit today would be blue, black would prove to be too dim. I would wear a shirt so white, it would appear to be the sun. The glow of it would match my unique personality and smile. I would definitely win them over.
I reached downtown in ample time. I entered the building and it appeared to be dark and cold. Well, it was dark and cold, the chills on my arm told me so. My palms began to sweat as I walked down the hall that seemed to go on forever. Where was I? Was I in the right place? The directions said second door on the left, so I entered. I saw four people dressed in black with painted on smiles and frowns. They sat around a semi-circled table that was also black with red and white trim. I was confused, but convinced that I would still win them over. My mouth said good morning, but I heard no sound. They sat there still and unmovable. 

As I began to walk towards the table, they seemed to get farther away. I kept my pace, but no matter how many steps I took, I had to take another 4 or 5 to replace the step's that were lost. All of a sudden, one of them spoke. There were words being said, but again I could not hear them. Then there was a motion of what seemed to be uncontrollable laughter that filled the room like a siren. A siren so loud that it pierced my ears until they bleed. Who were these people? What have I walked into? As my confidence diminished and my heart beat increased, I turned to leave, but there were no doors. I ran and ran and ran, going no where fast.
I woke up sweaty and cold, realizing I had missed my interview.

Do Celebrities Hide behind God?

In this time of the Internet, You-tube and the paparazzi, I am not sure if celebrities can hide behind anything, including God.
We as humans have the infallible desire at times to judge, even when we say we are not judging, we tend to anyway. Based on our culture, religious and social backgrounds can sometimes determine just how much of our judgment we will bestow upon our imperfect counterparts.
Yes, there are celebrities that appear to live double lives. It seems their religious beliefs interfere with what their entertainment job is. Sometimes, people cannot decider the two. They lump the job with the personal life of this celebrity and place their judgment, when we know nothing about the real person. Just thank God that you are not being judged daily because you have a public life. Even when celebrities make mistakes, God never leaves them, they are his children. He may put us on restriction, take away out worldly things, tear us down just to build us up and teach us a lesson, but he never leaves.
Only the celebrity knows the type of relationship he has with his God, so who are we to say how they are living and what kind of relationship they have with God, only God can make the judgement that we so often oblige ourselves to, that's why he's God; omni present, all hearing and seeing, you really can't get nothing passed him.

Please Don't Date Me......

As you get older you tend to not put up with as much in the dating world. You grow more confident in your decisions and are able to not make so many desperate attempts to be with someone. (I am hoping this is what happens).
Even so, if you are a confident, loving and attentive woman, such as myself, there are some unsuspecting beau's that may get by. I wish they would just say, "Please don't date me", because of whatever reason. I mean, honesty is the best policy,and the truth usually prevails eventually, that is, if we choose not to ignore it. There are things that may be a distraction that does not allow us to see the real man or woman, like a nice income, nice car, great sex, or just the fantasy we make up in our minds of how we like this person to be, so what's real gets ignored.
To get started here are a few statements that may make some of our dating lives a little easier. If I seem to bombard you with information about my accomplishments, and myself please don't date me, I am insecure and not satisfied with my life. If after two weeks of dating, I tell you I am in love, stop dating me, it's really only the sex. If I say my roommate if a friend and is the opposite sex, please don't date me, she probably is a wife, girlfriend or baby momma. If I say my best friend is gay and I am straight, please don't date me, I may also be gay. If I say that I am unhappy in my marriage, please don't date me, I am still married. If I have slept with at least three people you know, please don't date me; you will just be the fourth. If I don't return your calls, answer your emails, forget you exist, please don't date me, I don't want to date you.
Please take note.

What's really Going on here?

I cannot believe all the bullshit that is going on in the world. From OJ to this overdue war. Who cares about what people are wearing at the Emmy's. Only in America can you get a job, telling people they look like shit. Where is the President when you need him?

Yes, America is slowly losing it's clout. They want us to have great credit and no debt, when our country is in the biggest debt of all. I wonder what the FICO score is of the US? Who cares that Brittney Spears has basically ruined her career. That's bound to happen when you take the girl from the trailer and not take the trailer from the girl. Why are we surprised here folks?

In these times of confusion, heartache and pain, there is nothing more great than to have a woman president to come and save the day. Are you ready Hillary?