Greetings beautiful people. Are you alright?
You are marriage material. I've been hearing that since college. But what is marriage material? How do we define marriage material? I know throughout the years I've changed my idea about relationships and hearing that for the first time had me confused, because the person that was telling me that was cheating on his girlfriend. The divorce rate is the same but there has been a decline in marriage. What is marriage material? Is it someone who can stand the test of time? Someone who can forgive over and over? Is it someone who will sacrfice themselves for the person they love? Is it someone who is faithful and willing to give up a part of themselves to be in union with someone else? What is it? How do you define it? And before all of you married or single people get into judgment mode, just stop listening to this episode because I am speaking from my experience. And if you can not relate to my experience then go talk about your own.
I had my first child before I was married. I was deeply in love with my daughter's father and thought marriage was where we were headed. After so many years, I left him and three months later married someone else. I could not believe how easy it was to actually get married. I lowered my standards and he walked right on in. Now, I have to admit marriage comes easy for some women and hard for others. I have been engaged three times and married once. There are some women who will never hear anyone ever ask them to marry them, I am not sure why, but maybe it's the energy.
I wanted to be married, but I did not get married for the right reasons. I wanted to have what they call the nuclear family and because the person I was with was not giving me that, I went and found someone else who could. It was not the best decision and I was acting out of emotion and immaturity. I wanted to be like everyone else when it was never my destiny to be like everyone else. But I tried anyway and after three months of marriage, it was annulled because of abuse. I am not sure why a woman would stay with a man who abuses them. I left after one hit, one trip to the hospital, and I took one flight back to California. Can you believe that there were people telling me I should have stayed and worked on my marriage? Imagine me taking the advice of someone who is psychologically impaired. That is why you have to keep other people's opinion out of your marriage. Anyway, staying with someone abusive just didn't make sense to me, married or not. If you are a woman married to an abuser whether verbally, emotionally, or physically, you are more likely to stay in the marriage because of "marriage." Women are more likely to stay in a toxic marriage and try to work it out, while the abuser has no reason to change if you are still there. You have to put more value on your life than any marriage.
I went on to have other relationships, but after that experience, I was not too interested in being married. But, here comes this man promising me all these things and marriage was on the list. We moved in together and things were going well until I wanted to change the date to get married. I felt things were moving too fast and I wanted to be sure. I did not know that would cause him to go into panic mode and assume the relationship was over. We broke up and a few years later he married someone else and told me that it should have been me. Why would a freshly married man say that? It should have been me. No, it should not have been me, and it wasn't. At that point I realized, he would have married anyone and he did.
Then there was the guy that I caught cheating on me and he thought asking me to marry him would save the relationship. If that was not the most asinine thing I had ever heard. To believe that I would still marry you after you laid your penis in someone else. No thanks! And besides, if I would have married him, I would have become his cover girl. You know, the men who marry women to cover up their sexuality, while they screw around with the person they call their "best friend". But there are women who marry after their man has cheated because he made them they feel like they got the prize, and "he choose me over you", frame of mind. When in fact, he is preparing you for what's to come. I hear people talk about how hard marriage is and how you should work things out. After several years of trying to work things out, and you end up in divorce, what was the point? What people should do is spend more time working on themselves instead of trying to find someone to marry. Marriage is a business, so don't be ashamed if you marry for money. It is an institution, that is why it is easy to get into, but very hard to get out of. Thats also why a lot of men and women have side pieces and extramarital affairs. Some women get into these marriages and lose themselves, giving up their dreams to become mothers or caretakers to their husbands. There is nothing wrong with choosing to live that way, but make sure you are also living a life that you can enjoy.
I am not against marriage, but I want you to understand that it has nothing to do with love. Marriage is not the ultimate commitment. It is possession. How do you possess a human body and claim ownership of it? You do not, that's why there is so much conflict, compromise, and all the negotiations you have to do to keep your marriage afloat. If love is all that's needed then there should be no divorce. Imagine being stuck to someone who doesn't even love you. Married people can say how great it is to be married fifteen, eighteen, twenty-five years, but they also will tell you the work it took to even last that long. It is your own little personal prison with your own little personal jailmate. Love does not require work, jaded, unhealed people who get into marriages do. You are made to feel that it is worth it because what other choice do you have with all those assets and liabilities.
The beautiful thing about this life is you can create it. You can go against societal norms and create the life you want whether it is getting married or staying single, it is your life. Do not let my opinion or the opinion of others make you feel like you need to be any other way than the way that's making you the happiest. If you are happy in your marriage don't worry about what the single people are doing. If you are single, don't worry about what married people are doing because that's not your business. However, I do find it interesting when married men and women act single. How do you think affairs are created? Somebody married was acting single, and somebody single was fine with it. Or two married people who have an affair because they have something in common. For some of them, it will be a fling, for others, it will lead to them leaving their spouse.
Will I ever marry again, maybe. Am I enjoying where I am right now? Yes, to the fullest. There is nothing like the sweet taste of freedom. I enjoy my relationships and the time spent and one day I will be committed again. If you are single and want to be married, do not be discouraged, there is someone out there who wants exactly what you want and you will find each other when the time is right. So stop entertaining knuckleheads and people who you know you have no future with you. Clean house, let all the unnecessary debris from previous disappointments fly out the window, and be open to receiving what you truly desire. It takes time and patience, and an understanding of who you are and what you want. If marriage is what you want, ask yourself, are you marriage material?
Peace & Love
Lavidus
No comments:
Post a Comment