Focus

  Greetings, Beautiful people.  Are you Alright?

 Stay focused and do not get distracted by things that do not help you move forward.  There is a vast amount of change that is taking place and you are a part of it.  In the midst of this change is chaos and from the chaos comes the new beginning.  In order for new beginnings to take place the old has to be dismantled, let go, and broken down in order for new and better structures to be put into place.

If you are holding on to things and people that you should let go of, this is a good time to get that started.  You must be willing to let go of people who have titles in our lives, but the meaning has been lost.  You have to be willing to leave that unfulfilling job, those unmotivated people, and that lying ass man or woman, and stand up for what you deserve.  People tend to find comfort in uncomfortable situations and try to create and make others uncomfortable because of the decisions that they've made. Look,  don't put too much sugar in the lemonade. Ok?

Focus.  Remain diligent in what you desire for yourself.  How else will you help others? Many people have made it normal to live a fake life and have made it a daily habit to laugh at your real life.  Do not be discouraged by people who are the norm, go forward and believe in the impossible.  Look crazy in the process, while you wake up and do exactly what you want to do every single day. You are limitless.  Do not compare yourself to miserable people with titles and low moral standards.   They do not sleep well at night.

There was a time when I didn't have anything at all, and at that moment I was at my happiest.  I had to become bare, naked, and still stand and believe in myself.   My mind tells me that I am everything that I think I am and I am incredible and a joy to be around and my love is contagious.  Whether I have a penny or a million pennies in my pocket, I am still that humbled person who knows how the tides can come and go.  

Focus.  There may have been a day when you may have felt like you were given the short end of the stick.  Is it really the short end, or is it just another opportunity for you to make do with what you have?  You have been given that stick because you know what to do with it.  You know how to change it into anything you want it to be.  So use it.  Sometimes you have to dig deep to find out what it is you are really about.  Life will throw you many challenges only to see if you really deserve what you are asking for.  Do you deserve what you are asking for?

When I didn't have a place to live, I still found a way to record my podcast.  What is your excuse for not going after what you believe?  What is your excuse for not giving yourself another shot? They are all watching in disbelief, how you have made it this far.  Give yourself the satisfaction and go all the way. Give them an "I remember when" story with you in the starring role.   Don't lie down now.  Take a break if necessary and come back stronger, but do not give up Ok?  Focus.

Peace & Love 

Lavidus  

"Nobody loves you more than someone who hates you." L

Photo credit: addressageaccesss.com

Favorite Girl

They try to control the narrative you choose

Not really knowing that anything you choose, they lose

She gossips too much, can't keep her mouth closed

I tell lies that she can spread just to stay ahead because

I trust no chickens with talking heads

He wanted to lay in my bed, but unworthy of the gift

I might let him lick it or maybe grant him a sniff

My love is not for the elementary or for those who are weak in the mind

One time is all it takes and you are mine by design

A slip of the tongue on a familiar spot

A love that's everlasting, how much time you've got?

One look into my eyes and I will see your story

Don't lie or cheat or you will fall short of what is glory

A story you will tell for a time that was well spent

A time that is gone and you will only have memories and hologram lint

That image you can not erase, a smell so sweet, oh how you wish you could have spent more time between those sheets

My brown skin, that's like a magnet to your hands, that roam over the land of my body, until no end

My warm heaven you’ve traveled to over and over again because you could not ever get too much of what you defend

Now, you can spend that time in the dark stroking it hoping it will come back to life

Imagine the hands of experience being shared with some other man all day and all night

Tried a hundred beautiful women, but none could compare

No brains, too lame leaving you confused, unfulfilled, and wanting more of what you miss

A soft embrace, a breeze we can share, or maybe even a kiss

You've traveled the globe only to end up back in my world

Admit it and surrender, I am your favorite girl!

Lavidus

Be Yourself or Not!

Greetings beautiful people.  Are you alright?

You would probably be completely surprised by the number of people who do not actually like being themselves. There are people who will try to take on the persona of other people just to avoid being themselves.  Of course, in the middle of the night, they are reminded of who they really are and are forced to look at themselves, but, it makes you want to ask, what is yourself?  Why do people say it all the time, be yourself!   Why do people run from it so vehemently? Who is it and who determines who you should be?  Why are there so many people searching for things that they already are?  How many of us have so many persona's, we don't know which one to show or which one to hide?  I mean that is by design right?  We want to be able to adapt to any environment and at least sound like we know what we are talking about.  Maybe according to people like  Anna Delvey, and the many others who deceive people on a grand scale, believe that the self does not have to be real, just believable.

We become so many people throughout our lives, some of us outgrow ourselves, like the people from our childhoods, and other parts of ourselves we take with us, throughout all of our lives.  But which one becomes the one that we call Self?  This is who I am most of the time and on other occasions, I may be called to be someone else.  Not that the someone else I become is not me, it's just someone that I am discovering or the someone that I am growing into or the someone I must become to survive this situation. We do not always stay the same and those who are unable to grow, fail to experience what it is to become what they really want to be.   You have to become free in the skin that you're in. You must be able to run in all directions, flawlessly.

Have you ever met someone and had someone else describe them and you have no idea who they are talking about because your experience with that person is so different?  It does not mean that the person is not the person that they are describing, you just have not had that experience with that person.  People either outgrow their old ways or they become more clever on how to conceal them.  A person who is unable to be themselves is usually ashamed of the past, or past actions.  They do not believe that they are worthy to be loved or liked, so they become someone else to hide who they really are.  I believe they are protecting the part of themselves that needs to be healed.  The part of themselves that they have not reconciled with.   How do you really get to know someone if from the start they are hiding who they are?    You have to trust that initial feeling and not wait around for confirmation.  It gets confusing when the signs you're getting are that this may be the one when they are just the same.  And what do we do when we do receive signs to indicate this may not be the best option?  We ask for another sign and another one.  And then we want this so bad, that we ignore that sign, this one and the third, only to later have what we suspected confirmed.  Our bodies always tell us when something is not right, please learn to listen and trust it. 

The self can be elusive just as it can be the most dynamic thing to find.  The one thing that you should always remember is that there is no one like you.  You are a very uniquely made human being and that should be celebrated.   You do not have to be anything grand to be important.  You do not have to be on a stage to be heard, just start speaking up for what you believe in. Put your best self forward.   If we did more of what made us happy and feel good and less of what people think that should be, life could be a little sweeter; and for some of us, it already is.

Peace & Love

Lavidus

Forgiveness....Is it necessary?

Greetings beautiful people.  Are you alight?

Do you have to forgive someone for all the fucked up things that they have done?  Do you forgive them once, twice, or a thousand times?  They say that forgiveness is for you and not the other person, but what if you just don't want to.  What if you are able to move on without forgiveness and leave it all to the heavens?  There are so many elements that play in deception and lies.  The people who are on the right, are really from the left. They take us by surprise, but we should surprise them too by moving on without a single word.

Who says that forgiveness is the gateway to honoring yourself as a better human being?  The people that wrong us, must sleep well at night right?   They rise to see another day and still exist, so there seems to be not much punishment. Or are they suffering each night wondering how they made such a foolish mistake and how can they rectify the situation?  How they can tell the truth?  I don't know.  How many of us are losing sleep over someone we haven't forgiven?  Why should we forgive them and allow them to gain access to our beautiful way of being?  Why should we forgive them for giving us something we didn't even deserve?   Does that mean that we have to still be friends or lovers? I think not.  

I have forgiven a lot of people for all they've done. I also understand that ignorance is bliss.  Once I forgive you, I move on and usually do not look back.  Once I have forgiven you, it does not mean that you will gain access into my life on a personal basis.   It means that our experience has changed me so much, that I do not need to have you in my life at all.  I will wish you, all the best in your endeavors, but this endeavor has expired.  Do you know what happens when we forgive and hold on to people who we should have let go of years ago?  We delay our own happiness.  People can be blocks to where you want to really go and when you hold on, you will never get to what you truly deserve because they are not supposed to share it with you, no matter how much we want them to.

Imagine all the people that have forgiven people and it did not change the situation or their behavior. If you would just said, Nah, not this time and kept it moving, you would have saved yourself some serious time on what you already knew.   I mean you forgive over and over and what is that for really?  Who is benefitting from your forgiveness over and over again?  A person with changed behavior is someone who may be sincere in their admitting their wrong and asking for forgiveness, but what if it does not change and resort back to their old ways?  Was that forgiveness still for you?

I believe in honoring the people in your lives.  This life is so short and we hardly get to enjoy all that it is and all that it can be.  There are a lot of unhealed people and that is what it is.  But consider this the next time you want to rush and forgive someone because "they" want to remain in your life.  People who love us, do not take foolish risks.  People who love themselves, do not take foolish risks.  Take your time with who you forgive and watch for changed behavior.

Peace & Love

Lavidus

Shine Bright...

"Shine bright like a diamond.  You are a diamond."

Greetings beautiful people.  Are you alright?

Shine bright like a diamond.  You are a diamond.

Perilous times they say.

Well let me put my boobs in ya' face

Who cares, Go crazy, Redesign your life!

Let me manage your thoughts

Be exactly who you are, minus the strife

This is a time when the have's have not and the have not's, have got

The pendulum swings back and forth or is it forth and back?

Yet never misses a beat

The roller coaster ride that never ends

Ride, ride, and ride your time will never cease

The mind is a terrible thing to waste

Has new meaning and it is so very clear

You'll get nowhere far if you allow it to be ruled by fear

Bask in your fictitious reality, nobody knows the truth

Except when you are in the presence of what you lack

You can't hide from you

What is real? What is not? 

Allow your Eye to really tell

Because what is real to you, is someone else's fairytale

Now, then and what's to come.

A turn, a glow to get to the point

Change your mind, create your time and get everything you want.

You, me, them, and us come together for one big PUUUSHHH.

Shine bright like a Diamond.  You are a Diamond.

Peace & Love

Lavidus

“Your decisions dictate your future.” L

Love is A Trap (Poetry Slam)

Love is a trap she said

All I want is you in my head

Let's skip all the wavy shit

And connect on some mental shit

Come on baby, onto my spaceship

It will be such a groovy trip

 

We can travel so far and so high

Where there is nothing but purple skies

Will you come?

In order to love you, I must hate myself

Because that's the part of myself, I gave up to love you til' death

Who does this shit? What is this shit?

Oh Baby, I love this shit

Love is a trap she said

All I want is you in my head

Let's skip all the wavy shit

And connect on some mental shit

Come on baby, I'll close my eyes while you kiss on my favorite lips

It will be such a lovely trip

We can travel so far and so high

Where there is nothing but purple skies

I mean, I just want to know if you float?  

Do you smoke on that choke?

Can you lead at any pace?

Come out on top in any race?

Will you let me ride the top?

Until the seasons change, the moon becomes the sun and there are no clocks?

Love is a trap she said

All I want is you in my head

Let's skip all the wavy shit

And connect on some mental shit

Come on baby, I'll close my eyes, while you kiss on my favorite lips

It will be such a lovely trip

We can travel so far and so high

Where there is nothing but purple skies

Lavidus

Photocredit: ShutterStock

Marriage Material

 

Greetings beautiful people. Are you alright?

You are marriage material. I've been hearing that since college.  But what is marriage material?   How do we define marriage material?  I know throughout the years I've changed my idea about relationships and hearing that for the first time had me confused, because the person that was telling me that was cheating on his girlfriend.  The divorce rate is the same but there has been a decline in marriage. What is marriage material?  Is it someone who can stand the test of time?  Someone who can forgive over and over? Is it someone who will sacrfice themselves for the person they love?  Is it someone who is faithful and willing to give up a part of themselves to be in union with someone else?  What is it? How do you define it? And before all of you married or single people get into judgment mode, just stop listening to this episode because I am speaking from my experience. And if you can not relate to my experience then go talk about your own.

I had my first child before I was married.  I was deeply in love with my daughter's father and thought marriage was where we were headed.  After so many years, I left him and three months later married someone else.  I could not believe how easy it was to actually get married. I lowered my standards and he walked right on in.   Now, I have to admit marriage comes easy for some women and hard for others. I have been engaged three times and married once.  There are some women who will never hear anyone ever ask them to marry them, I am not sure why, but maybe it's the energy.  

I wanted to be married, but I did not get married for the right reasons.  I wanted to have what they call the nuclear family and because the person I was with was not giving me that, I went and found someone else who could.  It was not the best decision and I was acting out of emotion and immaturity.  I wanted to be like everyone else when it was never my destiny to be like everyone else.  But I tried anyway and after three months of marriage, it was annulled because of abuse.  I am not sure why a woman would stay with a man who abuses them.  I left after one hit, one trip to the hospital, and I took one flight back to California.  Can you believe that there were people telling me I should have stayed and worked on my marriage?  Imagine me taking the advice of someone who is psychologically impaired.  That is why you have to keep other people's opinion out of your marriage.  Anyway, staying with someone abusive just didn't make sense to me, married or not.  If you are a woman married to an abuser whether verbally, emotionally, or physically,  you are more likely to stay in the marriage because of "marriage."  Women are more likely to stay in a toxic marriage and try to work it out, while the abuser has no reason to change if you are still there.  You have to put more value on your life than any marriage.

I went on to have other relationships, but after that experience, I was not too interested in being married.  But, here comes this man promising me all these things and marriage was on the list.  We moved in together and things were going well until I wanted to change the date to get married. I felt things were moving too fast and I wanted to be sure.  I did not know that would cause him to go into panic mode and assume the relationship was over.   We broke up and a few years later he married someone else and told me that it should have been me.  Why would a freshly married man say that?   It should have been me. No, it should not have been me, and it wasn't.   At that point I realized, he would have married anyone and he did.

Then there was the guy that I caught cheating on me and he thought asking me to marry him would save the relationship.  If that was not the most asinine thing I had ever heard.  To believe that I would still marry you after you laid your penis in someone else.  No thanks!  And besides, if I would have married him, I would have become  his cover girl.  You know, the men who marry women  to cover up their sexuality, while they screw around with the person they call their "best friend".   But there are women who marry after their man has cheated because he made them they feel like they got the prize, and "he choose me over you", frame of mind.  When in fact, he is preparing you for what's to come.   I hear people talk about how hard marriage is and how you should work things out. After several years of trying to work things out, and you end up in divorce, what was the point?   What people should do is spend more time working on themselves instead of trying to find someone to marry. Marriage is a business, so don't be ashamed if you marry for money.  It is an institution, that is why it is easy to get into, but very hard to get out of.  Thats also why a lot of  men and women have side pieces and extramarital affairs. Some women get into these marriages and lose themselves, giving up their dreams to become mothers or caretakers to their husbands.  There is nothing wrong with choosing to live that way, but make sure you are also living a life that you can enjoy.

I am not against marriage, but I want you to understand that it has nothing to do with love.  Marriage is not the ultimate commitment.  It is possession.  How do you possess a human body and claim ownership of it? You do not, that's why there is so much conflict, compromise, and all the negotiations you have to do to keep your marriage afloat.  If love is all that's needed then there should be no divorce.  Imagine being stuck to someone who doesn't even love you. Married people can say how great it is to be married fifteen, eighteen, twenty-five years, but they also will tell you the work it took to even last that long.  It is your own little personal prison with your own little personal jailmate.   Love does not require work, jaded, unhealed people who get into marriages do. You are made to feel that it is worth it because what other choice do you have with all those assets and liabilities.  

The beautiful thing about this life is you can create it.  You can go against societal norms and create the life you want whether it is getting married or staying single, it is your life.  Do not let my opinion or the opinion of others make you feel like you need to be any other way than the way that's making you the happiest.  If you are happy in your marriage don't worry about what the single people are doing.  If you are single, don't worry about what married people are doing because that's not your business.  However, I do find it interesting when married men and women act single.   How do you think affairs are created?  Somebody married was acting single, and somebody single was fine with it.  Or two married people who have an affair because they have something in common. For some of them, it will be a fling, for others, it will lead to them leaving their spouse.

Will I ever marry again, maybe.  Am I enjoying where I am right now?  Yes, to the fullest.  There is nothing like the sweet taste of freedom.  I enjoy my relationships and the time spent and one day I will be committed again.  If you are single and want to be married, do not be discouraged, there is someone out there who wants exactly what you want and you will find each other when the time is right.  So stop entertaining knuckleheads and people who you know you have no future with you. Clean house, let all the unnecessary debris from previous disappointments fly out the window, and be open to receiving what you truly desire.   It takes time and patience, and an understanding of who you are and what you want. If marriage is what you want, ask yourself, are you marriage material?

Peace  & Love

Lavidus

Apple Podcast

Love Bomb

I am asked so many questions in regards to love.  Everybody wants love, not everyone knows what to do with it, but they definitely want it.  Even after the people that say they love us, hurt us, we are still there trying to squeeze a little of something that may feel like love.  Others will fake it in order to get what they think they deserve.  But once that mask is gone, they are too.  Real love is everlasting.  If you have ever been loved you will never forget how it made you feel.   Love can change you and rearrange your life in a good way if you are open to it and do not try to control it.  It is wonderful to be loved exactly the way that you are.  To be accepted with all your perceived flaws.

Love is not something I was familiar with for a long time.  I did not hear it at home and it was only displayed through material acts and empty words.  I really never saw love in action.  I didn't have a chance to define what love was for me, until after a few broken hearts, a few misguided relationships, a few engagements, and a few children later, I think I finally know what love is.   I thought I knew how to love, by giving myself to the person I loved.  I am action-oriented, so I am only going to tell you I love you so many times, my actions, the way we make love, the time we spend, what I share with you, and how I open up to you will show you that I Love you.  I come from an authentic place.  I can not pretend to love you or care. 

When you are authentic, you often meet people who resist your openness and your ability to love yourself through all circumstances.  Those people have yet to love and accept themselves and face all they hide in those closets. It is not your fault when people project their bullshit onto you.  Being jeolous, envious and a liar will not help you manifest a happy life.  Look at the people around you, are you winning or losing?  You will constantly run into road blocks when you try to gain something you do not deserve.  The scales must be balanced, you must receive what you dished out.  Then you can start the journey to receiving what you deserve. 

I was genuine in my relationships with people who couldn't be genuine with me. I would always pick up on the uneasiness within the relationship even when things were going well.  It was an indication of the things to come.  I learned to love myself through heartbreak.  I learned to not be so nice and to see people for who they are and not the idea I wanted them to be.  I struggled with self-love because I didn't make the connection it had to me.  I thought love was all about the other person.  Of course, that left me feeling drained and confused.  So I took a step back and started to see myself.  The beautiful, sweet authentic person I am. I learned to give to her.  I love myself fiercely and  I do not let anyone inside my space who does not deserve it. I know what my energy brings, I know what it can do. 

When you gain self-knowledge, no one can tell you anything.  When you heal yourself and build yourself up, no one can benefit from that, but you, because you did the work.  There will be people coming around saying they love you, love bombing you to death, saying that you are all this and that. Well, that may be true, but always check who is telling you that and determine what their real motive is.  Some people have no other choice but to pay you the respect and to gain your favor because all the other schemes and tactics did not work.  Now you want to rumble with the Bee.  Bzzzzzz. Real recognize real,baby and if you can not be real with yourself, why are you even in my face?  Why are you in anyone's face?  How can you come correct when you're lying to yourself?   You still have things you need to work out and that's ok.  Work it out. Just don't try to interfere with my paradise.

Love can sound cheesy and deemed to not be all that.  But it is.  Love is everything. It is an experience that needs to be shared.  It can make a weak man strong.  It can bring life to death.  It can make you feel invincible.  There are so many ways to express it.   If the love in your life is not making you feel those things, it's time to evaluate where you are and what you are doing.  If you can not do things for yourself that make you feel incredible.  If you don't congratulate yourself on your accomplishments, clap for yourself the loudest and reward yourself for doing a great job, or for not giving up, then you need to show yourself some more love. Be selfish with your time and space. And on some mornings, when you are not feeling earth, do what Mary said and look in the  mirror and say, "Good Morning Gorgeous"... Love bomb yourself, put yourself on that pedestal.  Show the world how to love you and they will.

Peace & Love

Lavidus

Doing My Part

Photo Credit: ShutterStock

Trigger's

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Greetings, Beautiful people.  Are you Alright?

What are your triggers?  What are triggers? What are the things that set you off?  Who determines what your triggers are?  And how is it that someone you don't even know, can somehow trigger a reaction out of you?  These are the things I will be discussing throughout this episode.

Trigger.  A trigger is an emotional response of a reminder of past trauma, events, or circumstances in a vivid negative way.  It could produce uncomfortable emotional or psychiatric symptoms such as panic, anxiety, and negative self-talk.  I believe triggers are areas in our lives we need to address and find out why they are triggers; areas that we need to heal and be honest about. We always have the power to choose how we react to something or someone, but in the heat of the moment, after someone calls you a black ass cracker or a white ass nigger, I can understand how a reaction can be impulsive when there is no time for logic.

 

In that moment when someone is calling you out your name, are you a black ass cracker or a white ass nigger?  If triggers are a response from past trauma, what trauma have you experienced that has you feeling you need to react?  Are you reliving the trauma of the past, that you never lived in the present?  Are you reliving something that has never happened to you, but yet you feel it did?  If so, your trauma just may be more psychological.  You may be reliving events that exist, but only because you are responding to something that never happened.  Why are you so offended by something you are not.  Why would something you are not, stir up so much unnecessary emotion? 

I would like you to understand that you have a lot of control over what and who you respond to.  I mean if someone calls you a stank ass hoe, how do you know if they are talking about you? Being called a stank ass hoe may only trigger a reaction out of you, if you are indeed a stank ass hoe or if you can relate to being a stank ass hoe, right?  There is no reason for you to defend something or get offended by something you are not of course unless it resonates.

Think about what and who you respond to.  Be careful what you answer to especially around trigger-happy people. There is so much power in choosing where you give your attention. Let people talk their shit and say whatever they need to to make themselves feel better.  I know I trigger a lot of people.  It is not my intention to make you feel uncomfortable or to cause anyone anxiety, but I do want to wake you up to this reality.  I would like for you to stand up for yourself, and not let anyone try to control you with what they think they know.  I have people judge me all the time, yet they can't take their eyes off me.  They sum me up and try to figure me out, but they will not stop following me where ever I go.  When people are in the energy of hate, they don't even know why, and sometimes they don't need to know why.  Some people are so dead and hurt inside that anything negative about someone else is a treat.  Their lives are so desperate for some realness that when they see it, they react like it's a foreign particle stuck between their teeth.  What is this, ugghh,  it's the truth, I can't reach it.  

 When people are trying to trigger you they can be very rude.  How grand is your ignorance to hate and judge someone whom you've never even had a conversation with?  People who cannot even make eye contact with you, because in front of you they cannot hide what they really feel and who they really are.   They hate themselves so much, they have to find fault in you.  They have to find something to judge you by.   When people are in overdrive watching you and trying to find ways to trigger you, it defeats the purpose because you can always see them, and they can easily be disarmed with the truth. So why bother?  For every trigger, there's a trigger.  I can always tell when someone is trying it with me and it's a complete turn-off.  What a weakness to have to try and constantly bring people down to your level with insults and injury to their emotions because you have none.  What a weakness.  

When you are at war, you have to know your opponent.  A lot of people who go around trying to trigger you, bash you, and say malicious things to get you to react are at war. And that war is with themselves.  They refuse to look at themselves as the petty parasites they are.   They refuse to acknowledge the shit they hide, and the lies they spread have to be hidden within the hate and dismay of another person.  People who go out of their way to trigger you, only have one way of thinking and only will use those methods that are tried and true.  They do not think outside the box and definitely do not have foresight, so, they expect you to respond how anyone else would.  Use your power of discernment and choose your battles.  Most of them are at war with the old you because the new you has left them in the past, and that's all they can talk about. They do not know the you that you have become and the work you've done to get this far.  They are in a battle with the old you, a person you are miles away from, and they wonder why they keep losing. 

When you know who and what you are fighting against, just watch and wait and the battle will be fault and won.  There is no need to respond.  Triggers or no triggers, know who you are so that no one can tell you.  Know who you are, and require that they put some respect on your name.  And look, on some days, depending on who's calling my name, I may not even respond.  

Peace & Love

Lavidus

Photo credit: ShutterStock