Sex Change.....

Sex change, it means that women are acting like negro's and the men are acting like bitches.  What's with the sex change?  Woman are paying these men bills and letting them drive your car, what the hell?  And the men are at home complaining about having to clean the house and asking for money to buy some shoe's, really?  And women stop being these men mother's, you can never fill that void.  Haven't you heard what K. Michelle said, "You can't raise a  man"."  Now if you are choosing to be somebody's cougar/mom/provider, then woman that's on you, don't expect too much from a kept man, they can be worse than a 5 year old child with ADD.

Is it not the role of the man to choose his woman?  And be the man, the provider and protector.  I guess I am too old fashioned, those days may be long gone.  What I am hearing is men complaining about their choice of woman.  It's like they gossip worse then we do.  Never putting the blame where it belongs.  In a relationship someone has to be accountable, someone has to be the grown up.

I sit in the barber shop (A man's gossip arena) and hear these men complain about their baby mama's, (not wives).   I hear them say how they are gold diggers, irresponsible, they expect too much, and lazy. It has left the man emotionally unconnected to ever develop a relationship that would be beneficial.  I always consider the source when a man complains about the woman that he has had children with.  This does not go on without saying that some women play their roles as well when a relationship goes array, but that's not the point.  Who do you think she was before she became this person you don't like any more?  What was your intention in the first place?

You can not blame this mishap all on your woman, or X.  At some point things were great.  There was something that led you to this woman.  You must take a look at your part in the demise of the relationship.  Sometimes a man chooses a woman who will depend on him, make him look good, and does not challenge what he chooses to believe about her.  He also chooses a woman based on his level of security.  For instance, every man may desire to have a Beyoncé on their arm, but in reality you may not be the confident, secure man that could have a woman like that, you would definitely have to be a Jay Z.  Like I was told at the barber shop, some men may be intimidated by a woman with her own, and my response to that was, "Then that's not the man for me."

So when you choose a woman who appears to be on your level and find later that she's not, then you might need to find out what your level really is.  You can not possibly get different results doing the same thing each time.  Relationships are hard work, and even harder with the wrong person.   It's clear science that you attract what you are.  That's why it's possible to have different mates at each period of your life.  A person could marry a lot of times to figure it out, or a man might date a woman for 10 years, break up and marry "the one" he meet just a year ago.  It happens. Some will last through the change, other's will not, sometimes that change means wanting someone else.

WE choose who we decide to love. If it's the right person, it could be a very magical thing.  But, if you keep making the same mistakes, and finding yourself in the same kind of relationship,  then maybe you should start giving yourself some real love and attention.  You can not always blame the person you are choosing.  If you think you are unworthy of love, you will continue to choose the person who will continually not give it to you. I could easily say  make better choices, but sometimes we are in such a rush to seal the deal or make someone our own that we miss the fact that the woman we are choosing may be a lazy, gold digging, monster of a person and lack any kind of communication skills, and choose her based on the fact that she looks good on your arm.  Yes, I get it, but it still is your choice, so why complain?

I love the dynamics of  relationships, how they can change you, and be a reflection of who you are and make you a better man or woman. Just make sure you know who's on your arm, be sure of who is representing you, so if she does become the mother of your children, you won't be surprised when all of  sudden she turns ratchet! or (be a Rat chick..lol).

So men, put your pants back on, stand up and wait for what you want in your life.  That is IF you are truly ready.  Lead with more than just your assets.  And women, letting the man be the "man" is more appealing than being his mother. At first, he may not know how to be the man, but give him a chance, lead with your heart (and not your mouth), he could turn out to be something more than just someone to lay with.



Peace & Love Ya'll

A short story about People with degree's who spend their time at the Jungle gym.

I  had the pleasure of working at a jungle gym that had more problems than any organization should allow.  The fact that it was ran by a unprofessional, tardy, inconsistent director was clearly an indication that this would definitely come to an quick end for me or her.

It was filled with people who were in love with their titles, a high turnover rate and just plain stupidity.  Jabba, the certified career coach had the nerve to sit down and tell me how all of her friends own business's and that she was this and that. I mean, who sits and talk about themselves to someone who didn't even show any interest of knowing about you in the first place.  I am not a psychologist, but I think it was her way of justifying her insecurities.  A way to promote what she lacked. I thought it was entertaining nonetheless.  Why didn't she talk about her pseudo-happy marriage that didn't turn out as expected?  Being the breadwinner is not for every woman; not being able to ever be surprised by your hubby or taken to dinner or have anything initiated by him due to lack of funds would take it's toll on any head-strong, independent woman in a marriage, especially when he is cheating.  All that work for nothing, better keep that money coming in guurrlll!

Then there was Sally, who coined herself "Genius", but could not figure out how to check a message from a phone line, with the manual in front of her.  Of course you are my dear, a genius among fools; an organizational psychopath.  Her perfection was her flaw, if she made one mistake, she would flush to a bright red, and looked as if  she was about to overdose on anti-depressants. OCD at it's best, she thrived in an environment that she had total control of, otherwise a mental institution was in order.

The Director was a suppressed woman and for obvious reasons, being married to an Mr. Potato Head had it's burdens.  She was the lesser of the two and he apparently had his way, all day and with whomever.  So she acted like any woman who was not getting what she needed at home, by dressing inappropriately and flirting with anything that gave her a dab of attention. If she only knew how much of a mess she looked.  You know there are no clowns allowed in the jungle gym. And you had the nerve to assume I was taking from the cookie jar. Oh Anna Mae.  Sally does not even like you and  Ms. Jabba forget about your bright ideas, they will never be implemented. 

Once I summed up the characters, I begin to play my game to see what character's I can develop.  I begin to tell my own stories. Stories that seemed so unbelievable, at that point I had to excuse myself to go laugh.  I never told them the truth, I gave them enough to swallow, chew and then share with the rest of the cotton stuffed animals.  It was a real life fairyland. Why should I share my great life with these educated cartoon chracter's?   I may be a lot of things, but what I am not is insecure and cheap.  There was no way I could afford my lifestyle on that salary.  So of course, I had other incomes, dummy. I came in way ahead of you.  I do not gossip, that's for simple minds and you all proved that all to well that you are completely comfortable with talking about "other" people.  I do know a lot about a lot of ccharacters so Ms. Director, you didn't have to tell me about your reputation, you have done well to brand yourself as the airhead within the most popular of communities, they see you and just smile with sympathy. No one is jealous, trust me.  You spread your poison to tarnish reputations, when yours is in shambles.  (FYI: People who divert their energy on another person's life, simply have no life of their own).    Be careful what you talk about, karma is a bitch in a red dress and she never fails to return her favors.

After I was done with the foolery, my brains could not take any more, I hit the door flying.  I had saved enough chucky cheese coins for the holidays and to bring in the new year with a grand new plan.  Yes, I  have plans and it includes giving myself in a way that may help someone else.  Not for my ego, but my desire to serve others.  My advice, the next time you want to blame someone else for you being incompetent, make sure they are under the age of 5.  Those are the only people that could survive in your jungle gym.  Sally is book smart, but lacks the creativity to be open to other avenues of getting the play area complete and is not a team player, but a team slayer.

This was written with cartoon characters in mind and none of these people exist, at least not in my world.  Just a day in the life at the jungle gym

Smile for the camera.-----chheeeese.

LLW

Just My Experience......

I often hear of women who are having problems with their man, or problems with their relationship.  Those things are bound to happen when two people are trying to come to common ground in each other's lives.  Having a disagreement is not always a bad thing. You get a chance to see where the other person is coming from, that is if you are communicating in a way that allows each person to really say what they feel.  But we can't always blame our unhappiness on the man.  As women, we have to be responsible for who we choose too.

So here's my experience:

1. You can't expect a man to grow up if you keep acting like his mother.  Naturally women cater to the nurturing  role, sometimes while stripping the man of his manhood.  If he needs a mom , let him go to her. You are no competition.

2.  He's only an asshole because you've accepted his asshole behavior.  Why should he change?  If you want to be with him, then you change and accept it.

3.  Men are easy to please.  Their level of complication is limited.  If he is extremely complicated, or never satisfied, then maybe there are other issues that need to be addressed.  It's not your problem to fix.

4.  There are plenty of single men.  And all  the good men are not  married.  Unfortunately, some of the married one's are hanging out like they are single. Don't fall for it.

5.  Don't change yourself to fit his mold.  He has to love you just as you are. Period!

6.  Everything that feels good is not good.  Give that euphoric feeling  that comes in the beginning when love is new some time.  Time reveals truth.

7.  If you just want a sexual relationship, then don't get emotionally involved.  Set the standards from the start.

8.  Never give a man more credit than he deserves.  You are creating a fantasy and setting yourself up for disappointment.  See him for who he is, then decide.

9.  Men are always drawn to different things, don't change to be someone else to get a man like your friend. What works for them, may not work for you.  And it may all seem rosy on the outside; I am sure your friend is not sharing all the dirt.

10. Forget about a timeline. The I need to get married at this time, or I need to have a baby at this time or anything that limits your freedom to enjoy where you are in life.  We are all born at different times for a reason; one reason may be to travel different paths of life.

11.  Don't expect to find prince charming while you are still dealing with frogs.  Be clear, be open, and be single.  There is nothing wrong with enjoying the freedom of being single.

12.  Ladies, it's ok to cater to your man.  A real one will appreciate your trust and your willingness to please.  Make him feel like he is in control, even when we know who really is. ;).

***NEWSFLASH***  You can have anything you want, aim high and believe it!

LLW-Peace & Everlasting Love

Sometimes......

Sometimes people are so occupied with what appears to be right, they lose a sense of what really is.

Sometimes I wish that boy that I loved saw me for who I was instead of who he wanted me to be.

I didn't fit the family profile.

Never mind that I have the intelligence of a woman with a thousand degree's or the beauty that transcends nations. 
He wanted a type....so his loss.

Sometimes the engine that drives you gives out on that politically correct road, there is no return, so where do you go?

Sometimes if you love and follow what that inner voice says, you might just end up happy.

Life has no specific design for anyone, but a puzzle for us to fit, our own pattern, our own way of life.
One chance, one life, no fear or failure, because it is all perfectly designed.

The road blocks, the tears, the disappointments, the pain, the loss, all ultimately lead to victory.

Sometimes if you never give up, that dark road gets a lot brighter, so bright that whatever you imagined it to be becomes obsolete, because something even greater has made it's appearance.

Sometimes if you be honest with self you will find self being happy with who you are at that moment, at that time.

Sometimes if you just check yo' self, you will find what you already know.

A glow, a shine. a gift so impeccably designed that your flaws are perfect. Accept it.

Sometimes. if you just close your eyes, you are already there, that life you desire already exist before you occupy it. 

Let it be.  Just let it come, sometimes.



Advocate for Love, LLW

FreeDUMB!

FreeDUMB! What does that mean to you?

I am a Writer!

I am a writer, so that gives me a freedom that few will experience

I am a writer, the ink in my pen is the gas that fuels the tips of my fingers to give you my soul

I am rock star with the pen, introducing you to my way of thinking and taking you along on this lyrical trip

I lose myself in the characters that I bring to life, someone, someplace, at some time, doing something that brings you to my place of joy or complete satisfaction.

One Woman, These Men!

One Woman, Three Men (Man #1) Fall 2015

There was nothing amazing about him, but his dick. He was somewhat attractive, with his high school education, he was nothing that I would look at twice, but he became the missing piece to an otherwise boring existence.  The attraction I am not sure, our worlds would have never collided, but the convenience was that he did not require all the necessities that a normal man would. I could see him, dismiss him and call him when I wanted more.  Keep him around often enough for him to feel needed, but not enough for him to think that I was in love, or wanted to establish any kind of meaningful relationship. That's what I needed right now, someone who did not ask a lot of questions and who would not interrupt my everyday life.

His innocence to the world was almost unbearable.  He had never traveled outside the state, yet alone the country, not even to the next city.  His life was filled with his hood.  All he knew was his hood.  A life surrounded by drug use and poverty.  He was the perfect candidate for what I  had in mind. He had never been in love, never took care of anything, never strived for anything greater than his environment, just lived a very selfish and useless life, with moments of monetary victories through robberies and taking from others.  Shit, I didn't even know how old he was. That was his life; none of which was my business.  His purpose in my life would be to compete the task of satisfying me until my husband returned from prison; he had 10 more years to go.

It was our first date.  He did not have a car, so I picked him up.  This normally would be a problem for me, but I wasn't in this for the long haul; I was in it for temporary satisfaction.  He lived in the hood.  The same  hood I grew up in and moved away from.  So as I drove my new C-class Mercedes, all eyes were on me, thank god for tinted windows.  I did not want to be seen.

He was dressed in sagging jeans and a white T-shirt, typical B-boy fashion, except he wasn't a b-boy; he lacked the skill to hustle, he was a five and dimer.  He wreaked of weed and vodka, he was happy and loaded, so  I decided to not take this man out in public.  I will start slow and take him to a hotel instead to find out exactly what he was working with.  I needed to test the merchandise of my short-term investment.

After a long night of complete satisfaction, I saw that my husband had called several times, so he had to go.  "Hey Boo".  There is nothing more irritating than hearing a man call you boo, when you have no intention of ever being his boo, so I just looked at him.  "Hey you got some change?  I spent my last on these new kicks an' shit, I did that fa' you".   Here he is wanting me to appreciate him spending his last whatever on himself, that was actually for me, and now he wanted to be reimbursed for it,  ain't that some shit.  I gave him the change because as far as I was concerned I had just fucked Idris Elba or  Denzel Washington.  I don't know who this nigga is, so I gave him the change to go back to where he came from, until I wanted him again.

EXCERPT from SHAME- Love, Lies & Lust

..."But who was I foolin’ this bitch could have me chopped up and mailed to a third world country before I could even formulate the thought to steal her husband.  So I shall obey and play nice".- Shelly Price

©2013- SHAME, Loves, Lies & Lust by L. L. Walton

Exerpt from SHAME, Love, Lies & Lust

                    Stephan Green

My name is Stephan Green.  I am the CEO of Telkem Communications.  I started this company from the ground up and I am very proud of its accomplishments.  I am a Harvard graduate.  Although the name, Harvard carries prestige, I am more proud of what I’ve done after college.  I have a wife, her name is Sarah. Sarah is the perfect housewife, mother and friend, I used to love her, but now I just care.  I have given her the life that she deserves; I have provided a smooth and comfortable transition from her humble beginnings to a life of luxury.  On the outside we look like the typical suburban couple.  She is the President of the PTA, very busy with the children and I have created another life that better suits my desires.

All my life I have worked.  I have done what my father did for my mother.  I did all that was expected.  My parents could only gave me what they received and I had it down to a science.  I would mimic what they did, it was my best example and appeared to work for them.  My mother appeared to be a happy woman, but my father had numerous affairs, numerous children, yet my mother remained, she stood by his side and loved him until he died.  I wanted my wife to be present, but then again, I did not.  I wanted her to act like she loved me like she did when we first meet, but instead she spent my money to show her appreciation.  I had no connection to my children, they took on the attitude of their mother.  I was the human ATM.  Family vacations were far and few in between.  A couple of years after the twins’ birth things just began to spiral down.  I knew I was pretending on the inside, I knew that my desire to have Shelly would eventually tear us apart, but I was willing to take that chance.  Take the chance on a life that I could never have in public.  A life that would become the reason I lived.  I loved my children and I even at times loved my wife, but that only fulfilled a very small part of my existence.  Shelly made me feel.

Shelly is a tall beautiful woman.  She is my desire.  She makes me feel like I could conquer the world. It was something that my wife used to have and now seriously lacked.  I am not sure if she believed that I could accomplish what I have or even that she was  happy that I did.  Although I was on track to complete the script for my  life, I was left feeling like nothing.  The blood in my veins were an indication that I was an a live human being, but the emptiness in my heart would better describe my bleak existence, so I needed her.

She was warm and attentive.  She asked questions and showed sincere interest.  Then we would make love at the same place at the same time and the same hotel day in and out, weekends or whenever I could get a moment with her.  She was my drug and I was addicted.  No rehab for me.  Who cares that each time I saw her she demanded $1500.  I would take her until my soul died, for me there was nothing else.  Before her, I was a corpse, suicide would confirm it.  Without her I would die.  She was the fuel I needed to tolerate my existing life.  When I talked of a future, she would always tell me to stay with my wife, so I did.

 

 

 

 

 

©2013- SHAME, Loves, Lies & Lust by L. L. Walton

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

What happened to.......

What happened to the days when a man took care of his children and his woman?  Nowadays its more like how much money you make and can I get a cut.  What happened to a man courting you and bringing you flowers, now it's more like, can you pay my cell phone bill or buy me some shoes.  Some women have done this to maintain the relationship, but as a man how do you not feel like the bitch in the relationship?  I guess a man in that situation will have to answer that.

It is always a turn-off when a man asks me about my assets. (Bitch alert!)  I have, but I don't show.  After running into this situation a few times, I had to ask the men, just what are you used to?  The answer varies, but none exact.  And believe me you, you can tell a lot about a man depending on how he answers that question.  You can also tell what kind of women he has been with or is "used to".  I asked 5 men, some random, some which I had previous experiences with and the answers ranged from, "I don't trip off women like that", to " I am used to having a good time".  I found those answers to be interesting because no one said, I am used to a woman making me a home cooked meal, having intimate conversations, or getting my foot rubbed after a long day at work.  I guess because that's not what they are used to.  But as a woman, that is what I am used to doing if a man is my man.  He gets totally catered to, and taken care of, but at the end of the day he still has to be the man, he has to be the head of my household. 

As independent as I am, I also know how to be a woman that allows a man to be a man.  Some women have destroyed these men by taking care of them financially in exchange for some good dick.  Yes, I enjoy some good D too, but please don't get it confused with real love, you are being emotionally robbed.  Don't offer me the D and expect me to fall in love, what I have to offer runs deeper than my vagina, but there are plenty of women falling for it everyday, just to say they have someone in their life.  If there is an even exchange, I guess there is no robbery. 

Call me crazy, but I believe in romance and surprises to keep me interested.  Of course, I will dress in my skimpiest attire to make you dinner or put on my shortest mini-skirt and golf shoes to go 18 holes, but that is not given to everyone, I can't treat every boy like a King.  Treating your boyfriend like a husband will not guarantee you a husband. And even more so, acting like his mother will not either.

There is nothing wrong with the woman being the bread winner.  If that is the agreement within the marriage or relationship, if that works for you, you get no judgment from me.  There is nothing wrong with treating your man out to dinner or buying your man a drink, but it is also important that he is able to do those things for you and himself.  And remember, no matter how much money you make, there is still the male ego to consider, he will probably still seek a woman that makes him feel like "the man".  And as the saying goes, whatever and however you start a relationship, sets the tone on how the relationship will continue.    Some men want a good woman, but not the responsibility.  Good Luck!

There are a lot and I mean a lot of insecure people walking around pretending, they choose a certain kind of man or woman to compliment and cater to that insecurity.  When that relationship fails, then you wonder what happened.  You attract what you are, you made the decision to welcome that man or woman in your life.  Some people are so messed up and afraid to be vulnerable that they would not recognize a good man or woman if they came and sat right in their lap, slapped them on both sides of their face and screamed I AM HERE!  It's just not what they are used to.  I can go deeper in the psychological reason why men and women choose the people they do, even when they know they are not right for them. Their relationship with their mother or father, what they believe to be true about relationships or more importantly, how they feel about themselves, play a part on how and who you choose, but that would make this a boring blog.  Nor will I talk about the real reason some men are single and only see women as objects, maybe it's because what they really desire is a man, that's an old topic that I refuse to entertain anymore. 

What I do want to talk about is the rejuvenation of men and women relationship's, how you communicate and getting the love you desire, because everyone wants to be loved. It's possible  to make better choices and get the love you deserve, but you have to change what's not working.  I want to go back to the days when spending time talking was the way to fall in love, having your man or woman be your best friend and just being in the presence of each other brought complete happiness. It is possible and it's never too late. 

If you have any questions about relationships or sex, please send your questions to lovelylashon13@gmail.com, then tune in to my YouTube show on August 24th, where I will answer your questions and offer my experience, because I don't give advice.

Stay tuned for my next book, SHAME, Love, Lies & Lust! (It's coming, I swear)

Peace & Love Ya'll

Charles, Oscar and Trayvon......

What can we learn?

It has taken awhile for me to write about the case of Trayvon Martin.  My heart has been heavy from watching the case, hearing the debates, the outcries of many and the unfortunate act itself.   It was not long ago that we heard those same cries for Oscar Grant, another young man, gunned down.  But my heart is heaviest for my cousin who lost his life just a few months ago.  The parents of those children have lost a son, an irreplaceable son.

I can only imagine the pain of losing a child, it has to be an incurable state that lingers, because there is no replacement, a permanent loss, one that cannot be explained.   It is the empathy of a nation that feels for those parents.  For me, it has been the empathy for my auntie, who is handling this with strength, and with the love of her daughter’s.  Trayvon’s parents were blessed to have two sons, which does not make the tragedy any less tragic, but my aunt lost her only son.   It is clearly an injustice, but not just for them, but for our whole nation.  We all have lost a son. 

But how many sons do we need to lose in order to realize that we are more alike than different?  How long will we let our fears be the catalyst that kills us?  It makes you hold your child a little longer, talk a little bit more, spend  a little more time actually being a parent.  It’s a shame to think that this could happen to any of our children.  If we close our eyes to see, we are all the same.  It is our open eyes that fool us to believe otherwise.   It’s not that we fear the other person so much, but what we are, who we are and what we become when faced with the unknown.  There is no kindness or understanding in fear. 

It’s obvious there is a lot missing in a society that says it’s ok to kill what you don’t understand.  To blame with no accountability for your own actions.   If you take away our men, you take away the pillars of this nation, the creators, and the builders.   You force mothers to become more than their role requires, and again to raise our sons.  A resilient race we are, but how many times do we have to prove it?

There are a lot of Mr. Zimmerman’s in the world, colorless men who are trying to find their place, find their identity, and confirm it through malicious acts; but there are more of us who will stand and correct.  Stand with love and not fear, correct with a firm tone and set you on the right path.  We must become what we desire for our children, and for this nation.   Seek understanding and love.  Try traveling outside what is comfortable for you and embrace our differences, we all have something to learn and everything to gain when we are united. The fight is the common thread that connects us all, let’s not ever give up on teaching, sharing and most of all loving.

Today, do something for someone else that does not look like you, shake a hand, or just say hello. Educate through example.

Let’s break down this wall of fear!!!

 Peace & Love Ya’ll

 L.L Walton

Single.....And then What?

It was important for me to be single because I had issues! Real life, real fucking issues...point, blank period!  Yes, I can admit that because I am ok with being perfectly imperfect. 

I had issues that needed to be addressed through self love, honesty and then growth.  I have always been very aware of my existence.  Although I have often tried to immulate the love I needed as a child through other areas, like over compensating, valuing material things, and being overly independent, those "things"  did not fill that hole in my life.  No matter what you are missing, it always comes out in one form or another, and if you never address it, it becomes a lingering unfulfilled desire, it does not go away.  When I became an adult, I decided to no longer blame, but seek truth.  My happiness, my way of living, my joy is and has always been my responsibility, so I claimed it.

Often we are consumed by outside sources, the expectation of what our parents, friends, society wants for us or what they believe is best for us.  Some people fall into that trap because they are afraid of what people will think, or what things "look" like.  Do you know how many people are living the life that someone else wants for them? False identity becomes their truth.  I have never been one to let the experiences of others determine how I should live my life. It's my life, what works for you may not work for me, hence my decision to post pone marriage.  There is a freedom of being, a freedom of accepting yourself and loving what you see.  It makes you shine.  And I always shine.

There have been moments in my life that supported my decision to wait, like broken engagements, death, and just plain not being ready.  And besides, I've  never been  the average, typical woman, who felt marriage was the goal of my life.  I looked at it as an option and not a necessity.  And I had a lot of questions.  For instance,  why is the divorce rate at 50%,?   Why do they fail? What is the real reason people are getting married, is anyone really ready?   Is it just for the title of husband and wife?  And why are married people cheating like crazy?   Is it just about finding a person who can deal with your shit?  One thing I do know, if you go into any kind of relationship and you are not on one accord with the other person, you are bound to have problems, for a long time.  Plus, men take so long to grow up, I never had the patience to wait.  Along, with my search for answers, I also found my fear, I did not want to fail at marriage.   I am very clear about who I am, my worth, and what it is I want from a man.  I knew too well about what I didn't want in a marriage, so I changed my thinking and focused on what I wanted. 

Learning self is the greatest freedom. Learn to trust yourself and follow what you believe. Live your own life, and never let anyone determine your future, it takes courage to do your own thing.  But always remember, it's your life!  I would never impose how I live onto someone else, but people do it all the time, and try to make you feel like something is wrong with you because you haven't did what they have done or followed their plan for you.   Get over yourself! Most people are faking it and you want me to join that?  I often laugh when people want you to buy into their bullshit and when you don't,  they get mad, really?  Your opinion only matters if I accept what you think about me as my existence, and honey, I don't.

So as my journey continues into another phase in my life, I welcome the unknown.  I welcome sharing this adventure, with my best friend, lover and confidant.  There is nothing greater than taking a ride on a roller coaster with someone who you love and trust.........I am ready.

Interviewing the Employer

It is often not recommended for an potential employee to speak badly about an previous employer, especially in an interview.  However, there is also a lot to be said about the employer who speaks badly about an previous employee.  There is a reason why you are being interviewed for this new position, and if you ask the right questions, you might get an idea about the culture of the organization you are entering.

It's very easy to research an organization, find out their mission statement, and the jest of what the organization does, but wouldn't it be lovely to know up front if your boss will be an jerk,  micro-manages, if the longest employee is also the unhappiest or find out who reports all you do to management, even though they are not a manager.

These and others would probably be impossible  to find out without actually speaking to the previous employee, unless you know someone that is already within the organization,  and that sometimes is not an reliable source, however, there is a way that you can get a better idea about the inside, without actually being on the inside, and that's by asking the right questions.

These are my recommendations:

1.  Why is this position open and how long has it been vacant?
     Since the economy has been in a serious drought that may be the reason that an organization has not filled a position over a long period of time. If the position has been vacant for 3 months or more, then the employee that received the extra work is either at their wits end or is going to quit.  Depending on the position, expect to enter a environment that may be a bit tense with a heavy work load.  You will be expected to make up 3 or more months of work in a very short period of time.
If the previous employee quit unexpectedly then you can expect things to be unorganized.   If there was an absence of job sharing, there may not be too many people who know exactly what the previous person's job was beyond the job description.

2.  What would your previous employee say about you?
     Some employers often ask this question about the previous manager or co-workers, but you can turn it around and ask it of the potential employer.  They will not expect it, which makes it even more of a valid question, whether they answer honestly or not will depend.  If the position is open because the previous employer retired, then the employer would more than likely share that information, but if the employer quit due to the workload, office bullying or some other justifiable reason, then it may be a difficult question for them to answer. Either way, how they answer will give you an idea of what they will expect of you.

3.   How do you handle conflict within the office?
      An employer may or may not have an answer for this particular question for one of two reasons.  Either conflicts happens, but upper management never hears of it or there is an open policy which allows any employee who is experiencing conflict to openly speak about it with management.  Sometimes the conflict can be handled between the people that are involved, but depending on the environment of the office, there may be a known conflict, but there is no discussion about it, which could potentially leave the office tense and the issue unresolved. 

You want to know that you are in an environment that fosters open discussion about any conflict you may be experiencing.  Having an potential employer that shows interest in not only the bottom line, but your well being is what you are looking for.

I believe when you are in an interview you should also take the time to interview the potential employer.  The days of loyalty between company and employee is becoming an extinct concept.  If you are interested in making a commitment beyond just a paycheck then it may be worth it to know what you are getting yourself into.





L.L. Walton, Is an author with a degree in Organizational Leadership and has spent several years working in Human Resources and as a Recruiter.  She is also the author of Please Don't Date Me-100 Reasons Why and upcoming book, SHAME, Love, Lies & Lust

When I Wake Up.......

When I wake up in the morning he is my first thought.  He is the better half that keeps me going even on my roughest days.  He caters to my needs, and anticipates my wants, a real man that provides and protects.
This is the love that I knew existed, the love that could only capture a woman like me.  I've played around with a few, tested the grounds, but none could compare or walk in the shoes of what I have found to be true.
I protect it, I admire it, I enjoy it, I savor it, because it is my love, never to be tainted by outside minors.  Or those who wish they knew.
My King who clearly acknowledges that I am his Queen.  A man that is clear and confident in the what he brings.  We are one, unified by God and blessed by the Universe, who knew, this could be so great.  In so many ways, I did.  When you know who you are, love what you are, you attract what you are, because you can't keep what you ain't.
Thank you my love, for being what I needed, thank you for accepting me as I am, and most of all, thank you for believing and adding to my amazing life, that has only become more amazing because of you.
When I wake up in the morning, he is my first thought.

LLW

My Science Project-Man Gone Wrong.

It was New Year's Eve.  I am not one for partying and all that, but a friend from high school was having a New Year's Eve party at her house, which was only 5 minutes from where I lived, so I decided to dress up and enjoy myself. 

I am a very positive person, I believe whatever you manifest in your mind, will eventually come to life.  I enjoyed myself at the party despite being single in the land of coupledom.   I checked out the vibe and how people relate to each other, because I am also a people watcher. I can tell how long people have been together or who is the insecure one in the relationship just by how they interact.  If I become really interested they become material in a book or blog that I  might write. 

After that night I was home by 12:15.  I was ready to welcome the new year with new goals and aspirations and I also wanted a man.  Hindsight is 20/20, I never was specific about the man.  I had been on plenty of dates, no real connections, declined two engagements and was wondering where this relationship thing was going in my life.  I was at home alone on New Years Day.

 It was a Facebook notification that caught my attention. I was never really into Facebook.  I find it quite cumbersome to read or write what people did all day, I mean like who cares?   To me, it was a narcissist  haven. But, I enlisted and signed up anyway.  At first it was fun, I found my 5th grade crush, cousins in Mississippi I didn't know about and even my high school sweetheart had resurfaced, so it was all in fun and good to connect with those whom  I had lost for the last 15 or 20 years. But then he appeared.  A guy whom I had shared the same high school with, we knew some of the same people so after him commenting on a few of my post, we started to chat.

The compliments were endless, he was somewhat cocky, yet confident.  I liked that.  Most men are intimidated and timid, even for a mere conversation.  I have never been hungry or thirsty.  I have dated what appeared to be the best of the best (a Pro-Athlete, Engineer, and business owner), so you would have to be a confident man to step in my circle and he had me pinned.  He became what I needed, he put on the best front ever and I feel for it, hook, line and sinker. I can not even tell you about the sex, it was crazy, and I was attracted, never had it like this, wow!  But then the red flags, the possessiveness, the controlling became the ruling factor in what appeared to be a real relationship.  Now this was the turning point, I hated to be controlled or be with anyone who is insecure, I was getting annoyed and confused.  Whatever I learned in college, did not teach me about relationships.

I know some women would have stayed with this man.  He was tall (6'2"), dark and handsome. Talked an incredible game and believed he was the shit.  The sex alone would have made you forget that he was really a bum.  An insecure woman would have felt the need to "help" him and to still be there for him, even though the obvious was there.  At this point , I had learned to not ignore signs. Although I can count the serious relationship's I've had on one hand (long-term girl), I knew this was not right.  My confirmation was when  his true nature began to surface.  The abuse from his mom, and the weird relationship they had started to show in his interactions with me.  For instance, what man calls his mother, "mommie" at age 37?  RED FLAG!!  She supported him living in her home, but when there was a woman involved he was the scum of the earth and of course she hated me, for no reason except that he gave me attention that was no longer her's. And yes, she had a man.  Half dead and handicapped, but she had a man...lol  Weird shit, but hey, I've seen worse.  All of a sudden he had no job, no car or any kind  of income to claim and he made the offer to live in my place....Ummmmm no, double negative.   So I devised a plan to get rid of this man, and trust as sharp as I am, that wasn't difficult.

His plan was to live in my home, live off my income and drive my car and all the inappropriate shit that men who are not really men do.  So, I pretended to be broke, all of a sudden my car wasn't working, then I needed money to pay this rent, expectations that I knew he could not live up to.  Although he became angry and asked what my problem was, I pretended that I was just having hard times and needed help.  Most men would have happily helped a girl out, but this mofo was offended that I did not have the income to support him (So he thought). 

It was my kindness that he tried to take advantage of.  It was the fact that I was single and wondering where my man was that caught me at a moment of vulnerability, but the lesson has been learned and he was my science project.  I attracted a man, without being specific about what I wanted.  I could have made the decision to accept what was given.  I could have hung on to certain aspects of the relationship (sex), hoping that he would catch up on the rest. I could have continued to believe his outrageous stories, but the woman in me knew better.  I had had better and I knew that this was a test.  The decision to stay could have led to down a road that would not have supported the best in me. Love, brings out the best in you, love brings out the best in you, yes I typed that twice.

So Ladies, if it does not feel right, it is not right, no matter what it looks like on the outside.  Stand firm that once you are ready, you will give out the energy to the universe to attract what is good for you.  Be aware, become better,  work on you, because a  good man  isn't a better man until he has a great woman beside his side.

Peace and Love Ya'll

The Day I Meet Maya Angelou

 

 

The first time I meet Maya Angelou I was 18 years old.  I had just graduated from high school and was working at a grocery store called Andronico's in Berkeley, California.  It was located a few blocks from the UC Berkeley campus, so the store was always filled with interesting and different people.  I worked in the deli department, making strange sandwiches and cutting up meats with strange names. 

 

It was all new to me. My mom had moved us from Mississippi and even though we were in a different state, my household was still very southern.  I knew of only chicken, pork or ground beef, red hot dogs, greens, chitterlings, dumplings and pigs' feet.  At Andronico's I learned of prosciutto, all kinds of pate, and how to make homemade pizza. I learned of bread with seeds in it and wheat and all kinds of fruity and green drinks that were supposed to make you healthy and live longer.  It was all so intimidating and exciting at the same time.

 

I had known of Ms. Angelou from her book, I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings.  I had kept a journal since I was in the 5th grade, so I knew I wanted to be a writer, and reading a book that a black woman had written made me believe it was possible.  Where I came from, there were not many who talked about dreams.  You get a job, get married, have kids, and live some kind of life.  I knew that life was not for me.  I had more to offer, more to see, more to explore and I went out to seek those things. I never mentioned to anyone that I wanted to be a writer or that I wanted to be in movies or that I wanted to see myself on TV or that I wanted my own business.  I mean I had dreams. But those were just dreams and who would I share those with, who would believe what I believed? 

 

When I saw her she was pushing her basket with a few items. I was trying not to stare, but I was sure I had seen her on Oprah, and here she was in my store shopping.  She was tall and regal.  She had on a long dress that landed just before her feet.  I watched her with her small afro and wished at that moment that I was a checker instead of a deli girl.  Up until that moment I had been an avid Michael Jackson fan and had been on the front row at many New Edition concerts, but nothing had me more mesmerized than having Ms. Maya Angelou in my store.  So I sat there thinking about how could I meet her.  What would I say?  How do I approach her without seeming like a crazed fan? 

 

I knew she was approachable, speaking to people in the store, not famously, but neighborly, like she was one of us. Not above or below, but significantly equal with a special flare, that only her confidence spoke of.  I watched her until she started to leave the store, then I made my move.

 

"Maya?"

She turned to me and said, " Ms. Angelou", her voice was deep and precise.  I felt so dumb. I had addressed this woman like she was a friend from high school or something, knowing that my southern upbringing had taught me how to address adults with Mr. or Mrs., yes ma'am or no sir, what the hell happened to my brain?

I said, "Ms. Angelou, I like your book and I admire you".  She said, "Thank you, are you in school?". "Yes, I start in the fall at Cal State Hayward".   "What are you going for?", I said, Communications. Then she said a few words that meant the world to me.  Words that I longed to hear from my own mother, words that would validate my existence and make me feel like I could accomplish all that I needed to in this world.  I was no longer afraid to be, and all she said was, "You will be fine, you will do well".

 

That was many years and roads ago, but it stuck with me.  It was the words I needed to hear.  It came from someone who did not even know me, someone who did not even know what my home life was like, she had no idea about me, but she knew that I would be fine, and I believed her.

Through it all, my life has not been easy, but I have been fine. It may have taken me a while to believe in myself and in my craft, but I am still writing, and I am fine.  I will forever remember that Queen being the catalyst I needed to boost my rocket because I am fine.

 

I want to share that with all of you.  If you have ever felt like giving up, changing yourself to please others, having people doubt you, talking about you, disowned you, not loving you the way you needed, and at times you even stopped dreaming?  Guess what?  You are ok. You will get there because you know what? You are just fine!

 

 

 

 

 

 



How to Know When You're dating an Narcissistic A**H***!

I have had my share of dating guys who have had peculiar personalities.  I am the type of woman who likes to meet people and  is very open to the possibility of love and I enjoy dating, however,  there are some men you need to be aware of more than others, one being the narcissistic asshole.

1. He is charming-  He will smother you with compliments and make you feel incredible. He will give you more than enough attention and confess loving you within a week or two. Then he will try to tear you down and remind you of your flaws and faults.  This is done to make you feel that he is superior and you are inferior.

2. It's All About Him- If he has choose you it's because he needs someone to feed into his over rated idea of himself.  He is the best at everything.  I mean everything, even things he has never tried. He likes insecure, needy women who can cater to his needs and completely serve him, because of course in his mind, he is the King of everything and you were put on this earth for him.  The woman who he knows is out of his league is a challenge, but he has convinced himself that she deserves him.  Even though they may have nothing in common, he uses other cunning ways to persuade her, like great sex and compulsive lying.  He may even pretend that he has accomplished all these great things, yet nothing to show for it.   He may even work out a lot, and completely worship his physical accomplishments. He can become very irate and explosive if you do not buy into his superior idea of himself or point out any of his shortcomings.  His esteem is very high, but has no merit to support it.

3.  Blames Other People- He never takes responsibility for anything.  If he doesn't have a job, it's because of someone else. If his family has alienated him, its because THEY have a problem. He has very big plans of things he's going to do, but no follow through because someone else has not allowed him to.  He can sometimes have a problem with strong women because depending on the relationship he's had with his mother, she can either be a problem or condone his behavior.  They may even be roommates and if so, she baby's him and also caters to his needs. (Let me tell you, I have meet some mothers who more than love their sons, if you know what I mean).  He does not have the ability to care for anything.  If he says he loves you, he really doesn't, if he hurts your feelings, doesn't matter, your feelings are not his concern. He will turn every situation around and make it about him.

4. Controlling- He has to always be the one in control and controlling your every move becomes his favorite thing.  When you decide to leave the relationship he may even stalk you or become abusive to keep you under his wing.  He may even try to alienate you from family, making you believe that no one loves you but him.  He hates anyone who is more accomplished then he is or anything that appears to be better than he is.  He talks down about anyone who has more education, money or anything he knows he does not have. He is a flaw seeker, yet never recognizing his own.

If you have meet anyone who displays this type of personality, please exit the relationship as soon as possible.  Even though  Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) affects 75% of men, there are some women who can be affected by this kind of personality disorder.

Remember, love is kind, love is gentle, and makes you feel

Life Happens......Then You Live Again

It's been two or maybe even three months since I wrote on my blog. Life has pulled me in so many directions, that I felt like my head was spinning, and it's been a great evolution.  I am always changing, growing, and open to learning and soaking up all of life's experiences.  That is a great part of makes me, me.  Change has always been my friend. I may kick, holler and scream when it comes, but ultimately when it wins, I win.

If you ever get to the point where you are not learning new things about yourself, then you should try and seek those things.  I guess if at one point we were monkeys, we have already come along way, but believe me there is more.  This new way of thinking has allowed me to embrace things that are not like me, to accept people as they are.  It has never been my desire to change anyone, but to have more understanding of why they are like they are.  If I don't understand, I just give it a blank stare and keep on moving.  It becomes like a thought you had when you walked into a room, and once in that room you forgot why you were there in the first place.  After a while that thought might reconvene, but if it doesn't, you move on to the next thing, until it comes again.   That's how I feel about things I don't understand, it only becomes important if I can remember.

During this process, there are some fears that I let go.  For instance, I will never apply for another job again. (Unless it is one that is fulfilling, provides a service to community and allows me to give to a cause).  I left a government job that paid more than I've ever made in my life, so I took the leap and abandoned it. I am smart enough to know that wealth is not accumulated by working for someone else.  And I am intelligent enough to know that loving what I do will provide more than wealth, so I will completely invest in myself.  Another change will be, speaking up when people are wrong.  I used to just make mental notes when people act like idiots, addressing it creates the greatest silence or noise, no one wants to be exposed as an idiot, even when they know they have been. 

Another thing I've learned is certain people, not everyone, but certain people like you more if you appear to be doing worse than they are, dumber than they are, or need them for something.  I've been blessed to have never felt those things toward anyone, but I do recognize who they are, and let me tell you, they are fun to watch. Exude confidence, and a love for self and they will disappear.  I call them the one-up people.  They are never comfortable in their skin and always feel they have to do or be one step ahead, when in reality, it's their mind that will forever keep them behind, no matter what they do.

I am working on two writing projects, sort of; writing and creating is like having children, and I have neglected my love right in the 7th month of development. I feel like I should be fined or something. SHAME and PLEASE DONT DATE ME-VOL II.http://www.amazon.com/Please-Dont-Date-Me-Reasons/dp/143276151X/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1365096279&sr=8-1&keywords=Please+dont+date+me 

I am also creating my video blog, it was suggested that I be seen. Another fear I must address because like most writer's I prefer the background, living through my words, but hey, here's to change.

Stay tuned for more blogging and especially my new video blog.  You will be able to send me your questions, regarding sex, relationships and whatever else fits your fancy at conversationpeace2013@gmail.com .  It is my intention to provide you my insight and experience on how to improve communications peacefully and honestly in your relationships.

Follow me on twitter at http://twitter.com/LLWriter

Peace, Love and Happiness

The Best Seller's Project

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Happy New Year!

Here we are again with a new year, designed for us to mentally want new things. That new man, that new body, that new diet or work out plan, that new job or whatever the "new" is that you want, the fact that the new year is here makes it more likely that you will pursue those things. Well, atleast for a little while. It is such a natural thing to change, or to want change. Some people embrace it others hate it. It can be painful or smooth. Sometimes you may not know the outcome of our change but whether you like it or not, change is something that is inevitable. It happens and I guarantee you that the same time next year it will happen again. I love change. I am always open to embrace the changes that take place just by living a natural day to day life. I do not wait until the new year to change, or to make a plan, the time is now! I celebrate my birthday this month, which is always great. It is the first month of the year and I turn a year older and that to me creates a natural unplanned change that just happens to take place on my birthday. I love birthdays, especially mine. If you are blessed enough to see your birthday each year, that to me is a wonderful thing, you are still alive! Another day to implement change, to love, to make someone happy, to serve one another, because as you know it is not always about you. Living a selfish life should be against the law. It's not very productive and you are nothing without someone. Someone created you, someone gave birth to you and if you are lucky someone loves you. With all that being said, I would like to wish you all a Happy New Year! Whatever your wish or desire is for the new year, stay focused and make it happen! Test yourself, love yourself and give more. Peace Within, L