It was important for me to be single because I had issues! Real life, real fucking issues...point, blank period! Yes, I can admit that because I am ok with being perfectly imperfect.
I had issues that needed to be addressed through self love, honesty and then growth. I have always been very aware of my existence. Although I have often tried to immulate the love I needed as a child through other areas, like over compensating, valuing material things, and being overly independent, those "things" did not fill that hole in my life. No matter what you are missing, it always comes out in one form or another, and if you never address it, it becomes a lingering unfulfilled desire, it does not go away. When I became an adult, I decided to no longer blame, but seek truth. My happiness, my way of living, my joy is and has always been my responsibility, so I claimed it.
Often we are consumed by outside sources, the expectation of what our parents, friends, society wants for us or what they believe is best for us. Some people fall into that trap because they are afraid of what people will think, or what things "look" like. Do you know how many people are living the life that someone else wants for them? False identity becomes their truth. I have never been one to let the experiences of others determine how I should live my life. It's my life, what works for you may not work for me, hence my decision to post pone marriage. There is a freedom of being, a freedom of accepting yourself and loving what you see. It makes you shine. And I always shine.
There have been moments in my life that supported my decision to wait, like broken engagements, death, and just plain not being ready. And besides, I've never been the average, typical woman, who felt marriage was the goal of my life. I looked at it as an option and not a necessity. And I had a lot of questions. For instance, why is the divorce rate at 50%,? Why do they fail? What is the real reason people are getting married, is anyone really ready? Is it just for the title of husband and wife? And why are married people cheating like crazy? Is it just about finding a person who can deal with your shit? One thing I do know, if you go into any kind of relationship and you are not on one accord with the other person, you are bound to have problems, for a long time. Plus, men take so long to grow up, I never had the patience to wait. Along, with my search for answers, I also found my fear, I did not want to fail at marriage. I am very clear about who I am, my worth, and what it is I want from a man. I knew too well about what I didn't want in a marriage, so I changed my thinking and focused on what I wanted.
Learning self is the greatest freedom. Learn to trust yourself and follow what you believe. Live your own life, and never let anyone determine your future, it takes courage to do your own thing. But always remember, it's your life! I would never impose how I live onto someone else, but people do it all the time, and try to make you feel like something is wrong with you because you haven't did what they have done or followed their plan for you. Get over yourself! Most people are faking it and you want me to join that? I often laugh when people want you to buy into their bullshit and when you don't, they get mad, really? Your opinion only matters if I accept what you think about me as my existence, and honey, I don't.
So as my journey continues into another phase in my life, I welcome the unknown. I welcome sharing this adventure, with my best friend, lover and confidant. There is nothing greater than taking a ride on a roller coaster with someone who you love and trust.........I am ready.
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