Trauma Bonds

Are you in a trauma bond? Are you in love with your abuser?  A trauma bond is a deep emotional attachment that develops in a relationship characterized by abuse that's emotional, physical, or both.  Have you bonded with the person that has caused you the most pain?   Do you see that as the only relationship you deserve, because of how you feel about yourself?  Usually, when a person bonds with an abuser, it is because there is something missing in them.  An abuser is an abuser, their methods do not ever change.  When you are on the receiving end of trauma and you are making decisions that are against your highest good, then there will be more lessons to follow.  There is an insecurity or unhealed area of your life that makes you believe by keeping the abuser around proves to the abuser, that whatever they did to you, you were not affected by it. When in fact, developing any kind of relationship with your abuser is a true indication that you were deeply affected.

These trauma bonds are relationships that are built on pain and hurt, offered by temporary satisfaction of validation, reward or acknowledgment.   Are you strong enough to stand alone?  Are you strong enough to recognize the sickness of your own mind in order to change it?  Do you love yourself enough to stand up for not only yourself but for what is right?   If you are in a relationship that is not fulfilling, supportive, and loving then what are you doing?  Trauma bonds can be developed in any kind of relationship.  These bonds can be created with mothers, fathers, friends, and anyone who feels that they can abuse and belittle you in order to feed their ego because we all know that they all are really just children.  Be careful who you listen to because a person telling you bad advice can keep you bonded in that situation. (Repeat)   I know that some of you like that toxic shit.  You were born into it and know absolutely nothing about being loved and loving yourself.  Some people look for drama and ways to cause destruction.  Well, those days are well on their way out the door and so are the people that carry that energy.

There are three major signs of trauma bonding. I am sure most of us have experienced some kind of trauma bond or are in a trauma bonded relationship right now.  The excitement can be great, but the long-term effects can be devastating.  All I can say to that is, when you know better, you do better.

1. They make excuses for the abuser.  If you feel you have to validate someone's abusive behavior, or make yourself look small because you believe you have to save face to remain in the relationship, then you are in a trauma bond. 

2. If you have to lie and pretend to be happy with your situation, the truth will definitely set you free.   You are not helping anyone by denying yourself the happiness you deserve.

3. Seeking contact with people who you know caused you pain.  They don't care and probably wondering why are you still around.  They will only use you up and spit you out.

Trauma bonds do not turn into happy relationships.  You have to leave the relationship, the people, and the situation in order to heal and take a good look at yourself.  You must understand and realize that most people do not change, especially if their poor character has been working for them.  It has more to do with yourself and who you allow into your life and what you accept. Focus on yourself, strengthen your intuition, and use discernment when deciding who gets a front seat in your life.  We all experience things, but your response determines the outcome.

Peace & Love

Lavidus

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