Renamed: Mama's Boy...and then some

There comes a time in your life when you think that you have seen and heard and seen everything and then something else comes along that just is mind boddling.

I was seeing this dude from a familiar territory. The familiarity is what made me feel comfortable with this man. He was not what I would be normally attracted to. But he had a nice personality and we had a few things in common.

A few months into the relationship and then the true colors start to show. I usually can spot a dude when he is not on the up and up, but my guards were down because we come from the same place, big mistake. I ignored the signs that coming from anyone else I would have booked going 90. Everything was small, no get back and not driving in the same lane as me. So there had to be conflicts. But the ringer was when he told me that I could not come over because his mother was spending the night. Then it hit me and it hit me hard. This man had expressed to me earlier that he was a mama's boy and that to me sometimes is all good, that is if the mother has a man in her life. When they do not, they can either fuck up the son emotionally or just let him be a man. NOTE: A woman can never raise a man, he has to get that or find that from somewhere else. This man had an unusual relationship with his mother. They argued like husband and wife. If I cooked, then she cooked, if I brought things over, then she would get something for him as well. I would have rather been in competition with another woman, but his mother? There is no winning that battle and me considering all the other shit that I had let pass, he was definitely not worth the battle. So I let that go. Hind sight is 20/20 there were things that were said that I just did not pay attention to. Like how his mother cursed out his baby mama, how she would not mind him calling one of his chicks a bitch or whatever. Mom was just a bit too wifey for me. That made him look real spineless and I don't do spineless.

When I departed I told him how I felt and that he would never have a woman in his life with the way their relationship is, NEVER! And I am sure that is fine with him. The overall potential for a woman cheating on him is very high, considering he is not the lover type, he prefers blow jobs over sex, and I am sure you can figure out why. There were a lot of insecurity issues that in the long run, I would have been playing myself short in a major way. So back to what I know. What I know is good and true.

THE LESSON: Not everyone deserves a shot at the title, no matter what the connection. Men who know how to be men need only apply, and please leave your mother at home.

So to that man that had me for a minute, Good Luck on life.

Back on Track

Sometimes on the journey through life, we fall off the road we have in mind for ourselves. Sometimes there are things and people that do not help us get to where we are going, but they are placed in our lives as either a distraction, a reminder or just something to get us back to where we were going in the first place.

I am a known procrastinator and I have a very short attention span. I am not sure why, I guess I need constant stimulation either mentally or physically. I need the energy in my brain to always be challenged to do better, to do more and to keep trying. Every now and then I need a push in the right direction. A push to remind me who I am and what I am here for. I often give people a standin my life who surely donot deserve to be there, thats the kindness in me. I am learning to be more selective in my selection. There is nothing wrong with choosing. We make decisions everyday, but how many are conscious decisions that we think about before making the final decision. Not many.

Today, as the 1st of February approaches us I am going to pay more attention to the decisions I make. Pay more attention to the people I let in my life and let it be ok for me to be just me. I enjoy the company of people from different walks of life. I am able to converse with the most elegant and get down with the dirty, but my true life path longs to be with those who share a common love of life, love and giving. People who know the true meaning of life and those who try to bring meaning to their lives. No bitterness, no hatred, no sadness. Just spread love. Be what you need in your life to someone.

{{Peace Ya'll}}

I've been Away.....

OMG! I have been away neglecting doing the thing that I love the most, writing! Maybe I am distracted by life or maybe even love, whatever it is I need to get it together.

It's funny how you canplan howyouwant your life to be and nothing comes out the way youplan, but things do happen in another way that works our even better. That is what my life is right now. It is filled with a load of surprises, unexpected moments that really make life worth living. Me being somewhat of a planner and super organized person had to make the adjustment to the unexpected and boy has it been great. The element of surprise is always bitter-sweet. I am open.

Disclaimer:

I want to make it clear that I do not dislike American men. They are my first love. I prefer a King to be a King where ever he is from. I have learned many things, but I do not know it all.

Thank you to all my folks who questioned what I was saying. I am always open to share my thoughts and listen to your opinions.

Peace & Love

Brotha's from Another Land

Every since I can remember I've always gotten approached from men from other countries. Mainly, Africa. I have yet to understand the fascination. No matter where I go, that African man will always come up to me. Now please understand I have no complaints about it at all. I am just trying to come up with what it is they are attracted to. Since there are so many misconceptions about Black American women and Africans, I must be something different because I have dispelled them all, because of course I am not your average America woman. Is is because my American beauty transcends to both nations? I was once told by an African from Uganda, that American Black women are the most beautiful women he ever saw.

I must tell you the African that I did date was the first to treat me like a Queen, the first to show me a different side of life. The first to help me embrace my natural beauty. (And that did not mean wearing scarves and growing locs.) The first to help me understand the difference between The Nation of Islam and the "real" Muslims. It was a beautiful exchange of knowledge and love. It was that man from the motherland that helped me to embrace my true worth, and every since then I never looked back or accepted anything less.

So lately I have been approached by a Black Cuban (beautiful), a Nigerian and a man from Ghana. I basically treat them as if I wouold any other man that I am either interested in or not. If you come on too strong, then I head for the hills. There would be too much potential for some stalker action. And believe me you, having a stalker is not cool. This particular one is doing well for himself, he said that he became an American, which I doubt, Africans almost never do that. Maybe he was trying to impress me, whatever the case, we will see. They like to show off their women. I can understand why a man would want to be seen with a beautiful woman, most men do, it's a shot to the ego.

I enjoy dating men from Africa, simply because they are usually very intelligent,and although some are possessive, I haven't run across one that I had any real problems with. I am going to ask him the next time I see him what the attraction is. Right now, there are not that many American men sayiing anything I want to hear, so why not explore other avenues to happiness.

The Good Ole' Holiday Season

I would take some time to comment on the Tiger Woods situation, but when a babysitter can gross up to $55 million just for being married, (I mean just for who she married, my bad!) I am pretty much speechless.

Anywho.

The holiday season brings about spending time with friends and loved ones. I have a lot of love one's and a few friends. I am dating and again and having fun when I can. I am not quite ready to live that married life yet, but it is inevitable that it will come and I will go into full wifey mode, but until then, I am just doing me. I am finding that people are sometimes full of surprises and others tend to be quite disappointing. Both are quite entertaining nonetheless. I enjoy people, and even more so enjoy the company of men. I find them fascinating, (well,some of them) and I just enjoy hearing, seeing, feeling what they are about. But as the season comes about, who do I spend the holiday with? Am I ready to invite someone over to meet the Fam? And do I want to meet theirs? I don't know about all that.

I do know that I love the holidays. I love sharing love, the giving and receiving and it is topped off the next month with my birthday celebration, which I might add will bring about another dilemma. I like seeing my nieces and nephews open their gifts from me. My daughter just wants money and a few DS games, my little one, is still getting the most joy from her milk for now.

I am excited about the upcoming year. Although I have been through some major changes in my life, I believe that my best days have yet to come. "Progress through transformation." That's what I am calling 2009. There are some changes that have taken a long time, but those changes have set the pace for the next round of changes, and I am ready, willing and able. I look forward to ending this year and bringing in the new year. I thank God for all his blessings.

So back to my boys. I like them, I enjoy them, but I am not sure who I will be spending my holiday with. Let's see let's weight the odds. Contestant #1, Nice,educated, well-paid, intelligent, but likes to talk about himself all the time. He wants a woman who will just listen. Maybe a little too uptight for my holiday glee. Contestant #2 Tall dark and handsome (like I like them), complete workaholic, does not really celebrate holidays, maybe hard to get together, got his "mind on his money",and I mean all the time. A little too judgemental (probably from his religious upbringing), cool to be around, got nice handles...lol. I am not sure if he will want to do anything more than just sit at home, which is cool too. Who know's maybe a new jack will come into the picture before that holiday gets here. I am not tempted either way right now. I am definitely going to be with my two girls, Imani & Miki, they are bringing me the most joy, they make me laugh. They make me enjoy being their mother. Maybe I will just choose to be with my girls. Moments with your children can never be replaced, and I enjoy them so much.

As the holiday season comes around, just be thankful. Something you should be all year. Celebrate not just with gifts, but will signs of love and affection. Appreciate those in your life. Whether for a moment or a lifetime, everyone serves a purpose.

Life's Rollercoaster Ride

I am sitting here thinking how much I always tend to neglect writing on my blog. I have more than one now and the new one is getting all the attention. I try to give this one some time, but I get so distracted with everyday life so much that I just forget. The other reason is sometimes I can't write what's on my mind because it's so damn personal. I want to share things, but not all.
I am going through a transition in my life. There are so many things up in the air and Iam just waiting for some of those things to land. I am kind of in limbo. Not really here nor there, just in the midst. If you have ever been there, it can be strange place to be. A place where you have no control of how things will fall, you just know that they will and how ever they fall it will effect you one way or the other.
Life....
It has a funny way of letting you know that as humans we can only control so much. It's just like making a decision, would you have made that same decision if you knew what the outcome would be? Some days are harder that others, Iam human, Iam a woman and I experience some if not all of the strife that goes with being a single-mom, dating,and trying to make it all work out. Somebody old me that I won't ever be financially where I want to until I get married. There are not that
many people who are doing it alone and making it. Maybe there isn't, but that does not justify a reason to get married. What about love? I would not marry to be financially secure, nor if I was financially secure would I marry. That's just me.

I do not believe that there is one person you are suppose to be with forever. That is a choice. That's why marriage is so hard and people cheat. It is natural for a human to want another human or several. When you do decide to make that commitment understand what it means. A lot of people do not. There is a difference between right now and forever.

So I am going to try and write onthis blog more often, maybe in the mornings as opposed to the night. I don't know.