Dating Again....Whhhheeeewww!!

I had one of the nicest weekends this year. I hung out with friends, the RAIDERS won, and meet one of the nicest guys in a long time.
I am dating, or getting back in to the swing of it per say and it is a rare case to meet someone and an hour later we are out having a great time. He was what I liked, but since my manometer has been a little off due to a lack of dating, I am going to enjoy it for what it is, because next week might be a different story....lol
There is also another young fellow who I used to like back in the day and he has resurfaced in the most powerful way. I wonder why that happens? It makes me wonder why do people resurface back into your life after such long periods of time.

After talking to this man for awhile, I realized that he has been many places that I have been, but I never noticed him. My eyes were unfocused and my attention was somewhere else. I must say that the same remains true today. When I with someone that I love, I see no other man. In my eyes, there is not another man that exist. But anyway, his memory was apparently very vivid, I guess a man always remembers the woman he did not get.....lol. He was at one of my birthday parties, he went to one of the colleges I attended, I do not remember any of that..sad. But as most people know I had a boyfriend in high school and I was all his......seriously. It was my daughter's father after that, so yeah, there was no other man.

This new energy that I am carrying has me getting a lot of attention. I usually get a lot of attention, but this time "I am really getting a lot of attention". I am a shy person, so sometimes it embarrasses me. It makes me feel timid and want to climb inside a closet to shut it all down. Which is one of the reasons that I do not go out that much. Some men act like they never saw a beautiful woman before, and they do the strangest things. Like over compensate, be over accommodating and it makes them look silly. I enjoy being treated like a lady. I mean a beautiful woman can get away with a lot, and gets a lot, hands down, but please it's the norm for me, you are just adding to what I get on the regular, just in small doses without the overkill. Don't come off so hungry....lol It scares me.

So as I embark on my new dating experiences, maybe I will keep you posted on some of the happenings. I am such a private person, I can never just tell all. The sex in my life is something that I have missed, and gosh I promise to do it differently this time,and I don't mean different positions. I am going to enjoy it just the same, just go about it in another way, maybe in a way that will leave us both happy and more than satisfied.


Smoooches

Where is he?

So here I sit on another sleepless night
Believing that everything will be alright
Wondering what my husband is doing tonight

If he were here we would talk, laugh and make perfect love

Promise to be there for each other like many times before and fall into
a heavenly slumber

We would dream of each other as if we never meet. Dream of this moment
and days that haven't happened yet.

We would dream of walks in the park, holding hands, smiling, and dancing to
our heart beat
Having a strong, true and incredible love that knows no defeat.

We would comfort each other in times of need, being a best friend, confidante and
whatever else we may need.

I love my husband, A God send is what he is to me
When I wake from this dream, there he lies sleeping right next to me.

No Regrets (A Poem Story)

My heart has been torn out from the bottom
And there was no way I could stop him

I wanted what he gave and I willingly became his
emotional slave

How could I have been so blind, you got one over this time
Ya see, I am usually on my toe's when it comes to average Joe's, but this
brotha, I bought everything he sold
And I can't even tell you what it was
But when he came it felt like an uncontrollable force
I was instantly attached to a feelin' I never wanted to divorce

He made me sick.
And I loved it.

I craved him and thought of things and moments to come, I was lost and it
all felt so good, at first.

He was just what I liked. A conscious brotha', knowledgeable of everything that
moved the planet, his heritage and culture, his pain, his struggle
I was feelin' him.

A pure intellect, cuz I prefer a mind fuck over a fuck, but who the fuck was he?
A mystery that I wanted more of, an unpredictable human so wonderfully made, but had I been played?

Nah, of course not. Cause as I sit here thinking of moments past, and how that
love bug had knocked me on my ass, I enjoyed every moment like the sunset, and in love and war there are no regrets.

My Daughter's....My Love, My Life

I recently gave birth to a baby girl. She is my second daughter, my first daughter is 15 years old. My pregnancy was an eye opening experience. It was a lot different from being 23 years old and having a baby. I am in love just the same, but this time, the father is absent and the choice has been his and to have her was mine.
Since my first daughter's father has passed away, I know he would have some choice words for a man who does not want to participate in a child's life, but I knew where he stood upon my decision to have my daughter. Even though I want her to know her father, in the long run, it's probably best that she does not. He's that guy who was good for sex, and nothing more. A small mind with nice dick. Not the biggest, not the longest, but the nicest...LOL...Kind of like the the girl who you would fuck, but never marry for whatever reason. After four years of playing around, the real stuff has arrived. And like a pup with his tail between his legs, he runs and he runs fast, but not long. My daughter is a wonderful surprise and a wonderful blessing and again I am in love. Even though I do not understand the decision for any person to not want to be in their child's life, I know that as a mother I am going to do my part and raise her to be the best woman she can be.
I am glad that I have another daughter. I have done well with my 15 year old,and this should be a breeze, right? I am not sure, but I am looking forward. This also changes the way that I date. I am more interested in the man that is about something, instead of the man that is just existing and doing nothing. No more tolerating the loose minded for entertainment, and God knows that I have been entertained. It is all about timing and this is the right time for me. I have enjoyed my single hood (single 4 years), it has really given me a chance to see who I am. I needed to have the growth. Now that I am a single mom of two daughters it makes me want to get on my grind even more. Push my book that I am writing. Push the net working and just start really focusing on my future as well as my girls. Men have come so easy for me, but I want that man, man...LOL.
In time it will all come to fruition. Just like the sand flowing through an hour glass, the time will come. I believe that if you see your future, and see how you want it, it will pan out just as you planned it, if not better, however it comes, it comes perfectly. Just focus on every little detail and it will come. I am a writer, I am not meant to work in corporate America. Even though that route has given me a nice income, I am so much more than what they see. I always have been. So now it's time to focus on that and just "do me".
As I embark on this new phase in my life, this new era, I will share as much as I can. There is nothing more gratifying than sharing an experience and having someone learn or share in the experience with me, that's one of the reasons why I write, it's for the love and for life's common themes that we all share or can relate to. First the book, then the movie...I am comin' at cha!

Stay tuned.....

Love & Happiness........

There are not too many people who have marriages that I look up to, admire or want to emulate. I am not sure if that is a sad thing to say or if that's just the way it is. I love the idea of marriage, I love what it can be between two people who truly love and care for each other unselfishly. It can be an amazing and wonderful experience. For others, who do not get married for the right reasons, there will always be reasons to leave it all alone and move on. There is no working it out or trying, everything just fizzles. And for some, there is the motion of just staying for matters of convenience i.e kids, money, mortgage etc. I honor and respect the union of marriage too much and now that I am getting to know myself more and more each day, I am glad that I have waited. I am glad that I have become the woman that I am. Looking back it has not been the easiest of roads, I have learned to appreciate the struggle. My life experience is something that I can tell my daughters about and pass on to anyone who is willing to listen.

I am not confessing perfection, I am professing experience. There is no greater teacher than life. Either you are able to roll with it and make the most of the gift that God has given you, or you give up and just take whatever as it comes. Never making the adjustment to the circumstances. There is one thing that I know about myself is that I never compromise my beliefs for the comfort of others. What I think and believe about myself is way more important that what you may think about me. I love me, I can't help it.

So if you are married I hope that even on your worse day with this person you can look that person in the eye and say that you love them anyway, that is love. I hope that you compromise with joy and embrace what the two of you may have, because you love and appreciate them that much. Comfortable with the fact that you have nothing to prove, because your essence speaks for itself. And if you are not married, use this time to get to know who you are, and what makes you unique. Think about what you can bring to the person who may make you want to make "that move". Love is a wonderful and complicated thing and even if and when it doesn't lead to marriage everyone should get the chance to experience it at it's ultimate level, it all starts with the love of yourself.


Smoochez All...Who's Lovin' U?

Ummm...so yeah..

I have simply been MIA. I know, I know. I am trying to stay consistent with the bloggering and stuff, but my life is filled with so many things that are happening, the last thing that I have real time to do is go to sleep. And when I do finally go to sleep I am knocked out for realz. There is a change that is taking place in my life and I can not even tell you how excited and happy I am. Learning about self and appreciating life is in itself a great gift that God has given to everyone who lives and breathes. Some of us find it and unfortunately some of us do not.

I have found that you are not serving someone, helping someone or living your life as an example for those who could probably use your experience to make a change, then you are just existing. Everyday should be a day to do something different. Try yourself out, learn your purpose, then live it. It is amazing when you find out who you truly are. And whether you like yourself or not, it is you, inside and out. There is no hiding from what lies within, and if changes need to be made, then make them.

I am a different kind woman, person, friend, daughter and there have been some life experiences that could have left me a bitter woman if I choose to be. But when you find that God takes you through things to help build up who you are , then you can accept the trials and valleys with little understanding. No matter what hurts, or who have hurt you, you can can rise above it all, because when there is a purpose you must fulfill there are certain things that need to happen before it all can take place. You can not tell anyone about anything that you have not been through yourself. That is how you use your life experiences. It is also how you accept what you cannot change and grow from it. That is what I am experiencing now. I am writing a book, but this book not only comes from my imagination, it also has some personal experiences, things that I would not have been able to write about unless I experienced them.

When you come from a different thread, and the people around you may think that you are depressed or sad because your life does not mirror theirs, it is because God has a different purpose for you. He has choose to use in a different way. It takes a willing and strong person to step back and let it happen. With all that I have been through, with all that I have experienced, there is not a person on the planet that I would trade lives with. My gifts, my life is too unique and is a one of a kind design. I guess what I trying to say is, be you. Do you, and appreciate who you are. Living in falsehood will only bring you misery and confusion. Comparing yourself to others will only allow you to slowly kill the life that God has intended for you. Go out and find yourself, then embrace and love it til' no end.

Peace.......

Single Sisters

This is an age old subject for me and I have been asked on several occasions why am I single. I am educated, intelligent, attractive and have so many other positive qualities why haven't someone snatched me up?
There are several reasons, but I must answer a few just so that you can get a better idea of where I am coming from.
Besides being very complex and easily bored,I am pretty laid back And easy going. I enjoy hanging with friends and being a mom to my teenage daughter. Up until the death of her father I pretty much had the best of both worlds. Although we decided we are better as friends and parents as opposed to lovers, we still spent time together and talked to each other on a regular basis, I grew to value our friendship. We were inseparable. So when it came to dating, I really never took anyone that serious, I was too busy comparing and mostly wanting someone who could also just be a friend, but in the midst of all of that, there was good sex and some good times,and that was probably all that person would become to me. I believe that some men believe that if you make a woman cum then you are more than half way to her heart, I must admit for some that is true if you associate "good sex" with love. But if you are a woman like me, you can enjoy the sex and keep it movin'. If a man throws it out there I just might catch it, but don't expect me to fall head over heels with you. I mean an orgasm only last a few minutes, what good are you after that?
I am also what some men call a "nice" girl and some men try to take that for granted. I can spot an impostor from a mile away, my X taught me that. There is no way you can hide your true intentions with me. The best avenue to take is to be honest, and see what happens. If the timing is right, I just may want an sexual relationship or I might be cool with you having other women, just know that you will not be my only source of energy, I too, may indulge in the options that await. One thing I do not indulge in are married men, single husbands are the worse. You're talking to a woman who the only time that she has been dumped was because the guy thought I was using him for sex. (huh?) I have been engaged twice, but just could not do it, I had to be honest. I have no hang-ups when it comes to men, I love them, I enjoy them, and I admire many from a far. Yes,I have heard all the lines, ran across dudes who I have no idea why they would even think that we should hook up. I had men come up and open their wallets as opposed to their mind, but nothing compares to the real thang!
When it comes to the real stuff that make great relationships there are qualities that tend to attract me that stand out when it comes to the man. His level of attractiveness. I smile when I say that because being attractive to me is all in his swag, his confidence, his stroll, there is nothing like looking at a man from afar and noticing how amazing he is. Timing. Timing is so important. Intelligence, laughter and a sense of purpose. Accountable for his life and not blame his misfortunes on anything or anyone. A father to his children (because family is so important to me), a pleasant person to be around and most of all, a man who knows when he has meet a "woman" ENUFF SAID!
Some people think that I require a lot in the material area , although taking care of yourself is essential and being able to take care of woman is necessary, you do not have to have a fortune, you will attain that once I am by your side.:)
So to answer that question, why am I single? It just has not been the right time for me, and I am a patient girl. I do not rush anything, even though at times it feels so good, I want it all at once, I am taking my time and enjoying the ride along the way. Holla!