Fever in the Winter ----Pg. 2

We were moving to a place called California. It was soon after my mother was married that we just up and decided to go. I was leaving everything that was familiar. I was leaving the world that I had come to love and know. I was leaving my grandmother, grandfather, great-grandmother and cousins. The life that I knew would soon become a place that I would only visit. It would become unfamiliar and distant. I was embarking upon a new place to call home.

We moved to Berkeley, California. There were so many different kinds of people. I remember just being downtown Berkeley watching the action of the streets, people who looked as if they had to be somewhere immediately. Through my 7 year old eyes, it was an amazing display of action. I had never seen so many houses together, so many buses. Everyone had a dog to walk. What I found most interesting and entertaining were the people with bald heads, who wore white robes of some sort. They would walk and chant while playing tambourines. Up until that point I had only heard tambourines in church. But hearing that familiar sound stole my attention, but it was coming from a unrecognizable place. It looked as if they used it in the same way, but just with a different kind of song. This place called Berkeley was amazing, it was filled with energy and love. Something magnetic and unexplainable and I loved it.

In school I learned quickly about different races. After growing up in an environment surrounded by people who looked like me, I was intrigued to get to know the people who did not. I made friends easily. They enjoyed hearing my southern accent and I enjoyed hearing theirs. It was a mutual admiration. At recess we took turns saying words to hear how different they sound coming out of my mouth or theirs. I felt free at school. I could play and be free, read and enjoy my new found friends.

School would become my safe haven, my refuge, because my home life would soon become hell.

Fever In the Winter By LLW

I must have been born on the coldest day in January. It must have been cold because every since that day, I have never felt anything warm. From cold stares, to cold responses to cold hand shakes and cold lunches, it felt like winter forever.

In the swamps of Mississippi where the winters were white. Where the lines of color never crossed, that was the way of respect; but if that line was crossed in that small town of Sardis, Mississippi things would happen that you would soon want to forget. It was the south. I never went to school with white children, did not know they existed. They were not a part of my life. All I knew were my grandmother and cousins. I can't even say I knew my mother, the woman that birth me in the world. There was a love that came because she birth me in the world, but a mother I never had. I always felt that I was my grandmother's favorite. Although I had several cousins to play with, I always believed that she treated me like I was special. I loved her for the attention. I loved her for the affection she gave me when I had a cold. She would rub sulfer on my chest and under my nose, so I could breath that night. I loved the blues she played during the week and the old spirituals on Sunday. I loved the pies she made, the greens, the corn bread,the peach cobblers. I loved her bravery when killing a chicken, plucking him until the skin was bear and preparing him to be eaten that night. I loved that in the summer we could pick peaches off her tree and pecans to later become a pie's. She was the industrial woman. She did everything, my grandfather must have loved her to death.

But that joy would soon be broken and replaced with a new environment unfamiliar to me. It would be the last time that I remember something being warm.

I Used to Love you...Did you know?(Poem)

He was what I call, "My  truth".
He made me so weak when I saw him, and if he ever spoke to me I probably would faint.
He was the finest thing I ever have seen, he moved like a tiger in the woods
His kindness was in his eyes, eyes that I never wanted to meet with mine, cause I would melt into submission and let him have his way, so

It was as if he knew me, like he created me.
His smell was so deep and his lips felt like wetness and softness made a sandwich with love
His face was heavenly
I would run for cover, pretend to ignore, then stare at him. Love or Lust? With him, it's forever so this is love.

I would stage left to avoid eye contact, cause if he knew how I felt, then it would be over.
This love affair that I was havin' all by myself would no longer be
My eyes would tell his story, longing for his touch to restore me
Back to the reality of him and I, our souls will find each other in the skies

I wanted him
I needed him
It made no sense
Yet, all this I was feeling left me wit' no sense.

I would give him what he needed, whenever he needed, and that's no lie
I was powerless, but with him, I feared not
I would let him take over my body with just one kiss
Making love to my mind, until I could no longer resist
This was the beginning of forever....

I am in love.

Assumptions....

It is my destiny to be the best innovative writer on the planet. My life is a script that is being written and directed by God himself. A story that is not complete, but will begin and never have an ending. I live in the creative light. And unless you are an creative person, you cannot possibly understand the objects and scenes that cross my mind daily. I write to stay free and to not let what I know, destroy me or make me a negative person. My heart is filled with love and joy. I choose to live in the light and enjoy this gift that was given to me. Along with my many other gifts, it is writing that gives me the most pleasure. I write because it allows me to face my own truth. You can be a bull shitter in the verbal language, but writing what's true and what is filled with love pushes all bullshit aside. Walk a day in my flip-flops, 3-inch wedges or stiletto's and see how beautiful it is.

I shine. And from the looks of it, I must shine all the time, because all my life I have come across people who are so curious about what makes me tick. All you need to know is I walk with God, I write with God and God shines through me. I am a born leader.change agent, trend-setter and so on. I am the Mother of my Nature. Every freckle and mole that crosses my body, my eyes, my lips he/she orchestrated this Divine being so that I represent him or her. So this path that I am taking, this walk through life, these people I meet, those that stay and those that go, remember me; and in remembering me, please remember that I am just a vessel, it is God who made me, so take your complaints and hater tendencies to him/her.

Smooches

I fully enjoyed mommies day and the whole weekend as a matter of fact. Thank you all for all the love. I was really hung over and was texting people back while I was between dreams. I was on auto-pilot and it all ended this morning when I woke up and realized that I was no longer where I was when all this madness started. If I were to share with you what kind of weekend I had, you would not believe me. I am living a true rock star life and it's not on purpose, I am just fabulous like that.

However, I will share with you a few tid-bits here and there, I am not quite ready to be a complete open book. Just a bit of advice, I am not sure why I attract women who are insecure, maybe there were I was when I meet them, but I do know it's time to hang out with more confident women who are making moves and helping to change people lives. That is one of my life goals, and the only way to do that is to be around that type of energy. My mind is just too great to just sit around and gossip about average people. Maybe because their lives are soooo lame, that talking about other people makes them feel good about themselves,and maybe supplies some kind of joy. And here I am talking about them. It's only because I do not understand when people do that. I do know it's starting to get a little annoying. I guess when you are married and unhappy that is your only option. I don't know, but I do not live on that planet, so I am getting off at the moon, I have better shit to do.

Anyway, I went on to hang out with some of my artsy friends on mother's day. We had sushi and a lot of drinks. It was very fun, we enjoyed each other's minds. Talked about the joy of men or having them and the joys and pains of being a mom. After I drove over to one of my "Friends with "BEEN NEE FITS" house in a horny stumper, and topped off the weekend with some extra special stuff. Ya' know the kind of stuff that makes you real proud to be a woman. I also whipped his ass in dominoes, something that I have not been able to do since we meet. There is something exciting about competing against a man, beating him at his own game, and having him take his revenge out in the sheets.....yummy!!!... So I went to sleep feeling like a champ!!

A Penis...Long Story Short...lol (WARNING: I USE CURSE WORDS)

                                                

 

Bi-Polar Moment!

Have you ever did something and wake up and wish that you never even went there. Yeah, I had one of those moments last night and with an X. Remember how I was blabbing about how an X would be an last option considering all the other options I had, well I got rid of all my options and was left with an X. This is the 2nd time in 5 years that I went back to old faithful and for the second time in five years, I wish I could rewind the tape, it makes you remember real quick why they are X's in the first place.

The night was kind of generic, ya know the late night pick up, then the late night food and drinks. The drinks really got me in the mood and my thought process went out the window. It's amazing how a man acts when he wants something, so I pretended like it was sincere and let the night take it's course. I also knew it would be great writing material.

I am not going to bore you with the details, just know that sometimes it's better to wait for that one who can give it to you just like you like it and however long you want. I almost hate that he spoiled me in that way, but he did and it makes me want him even more, and he knows it. If I were to tell him about last night, he would say that I deserved to not be satisfied because he is the only one that can. Damn, the truth hurts! What I experienced last night must have been the result of the recession.

I am laughing at myself because I lead some men to believe that I am this lonely writer waiting to be rescued and taken care of. Those are just the seeds that I plant. My life is a bundle of joy and I carry "a pocketful of sunshine". Those who truly know me, know what's up, and those that don't, are standing on the sidelines wondering if they could see me tonite. If they only knew.....lol