I meet this dude the other day who wanted me to make time for him. I told him that I am a mother first and that my free days are Fridays and Saturdays, Sundays are for my children and of course during the week it's almost impossible to make time for for someone, with the kids, writing, checking out publishing options and just having a few moments to myself. Why this brotha did not understand that I am not sure, which is part of this dilemma I am facing. Do men really need that much attention before they even get to know a sistah? I mean, if I am handling things and is willing to give you a day, isn't that good enough?
Apparently not.
He did not call back once I told him what was up with me as far as dating is concerned. OF course, I am not offended by that because tome, it's easier for me when a man eliminates himself early, than it is for me to eliminate him later, for obvious reasons.
If that is the way things are going to be with men these days and I doubt that it really is, I am going to single for a long time. My time is valuable and I value another persons time as well. I do not understand the urgency in seeing me and not even talking to me on the phone, lets have a conversation first, honey. Let me feel you out, don't you want to know if I am a pretty psycho chic? Or do you think you are just going to be hittin' the skins? I have been out the loop with datin' I mean is that how they are doing it these days?
Well, let me tell it like it is. Any woman that is worth something is not going to give you the time of day with that type of intention. I am not desperate by any means. Even though I have more fun when I am single, I will not compromise when it comes to considering someone for a committed relationship. Like I said, I am a mom first, and my children come with me, so at this point in the game, there is no playin when it comes to the man that is around my children. You have to be an exceptional brotha', because I am an exceptional woman. I am not going to be one of those women who say that good men are hard to find, that is not my story. I have passed up a few simply because I was not ready to go there with that particular man. I have chosen to be a single woman for the last four years, for my personal growth, to become a better woman, mother, wife and whatever else that comes my way. There are not very many like me, I know, I just want my equal in body, mind and spirit.
I will not marry for the sake of saying I am married. I will not commit to you, unless we share the same goals of what we want in a relationship, and gawd knows that a big dick (although weighs heavy) will not be the deciding factor in determining my relationship with you. Come on brotha's keep it real with yourselves, you get as well as you give.
Monday, October 19, 2009
Sunday, October 11, 2009
Life is About Choices
Life is about choices, I must've have said that comment over a dozen times over the weekend. I find that people often wonder how they get in certain situations. How they end up with the people in their lives, ya know like that wife or husband? That loser job or boyfriend. Why you loan money to that dumb ass friend that never pays you back. It's all pretty simple, it's because of the choices that we make.
It really isn't science. If we took the time to think maybe things would be different,but where would all the learning we are suppose to gain from making mistakes come from? It is suppose to help us reflect and not do it again, but some of us learn the "hard way", we know it all. Some of us have a tendency to take so much for granted and once we decide to take it seriously, its gone. Either way, it was our choice. There is no blaming anyone when it comes to the decisions we make in our everyday lives. And if we do feel the need to blame, point that middle finger back at yourself because it starts with you!
I am sleepy, ya'll ain't new to this shit!
It really isn't science. If we took the time to think maybe things would be different,but where would all the learning we are suppose to gain from making mistakes come from? It is suppose to help us reflect and not do it again, but some of us learn the "hard way", we know it all. Some of us have a tendency to take so much for granted and once we decide to take it seriously, its gone. Either way, it was our choice. There is no blaming anyone when it comes to the decisions we make in our everyday lives. And if we do feel the need to blame, point that middle finger back at yourself because it starts with you!
I am sleepy, ya'll ain't new to this shit!
Friday, September 25, 2009
Pure Heat
He walked in to the room all I can feel was his baritone voice
Like silk it entered my ears and down my neck and landed on my collar bone
My body froze, my mind raced wondering where the heat was coming from
I sat there no longer watching the TV, but taking in all that he said , how he said it and what would he say to me...My phone rings, I walk out the room to take the call
As I passed him by, I refuse to look into his eyes, but his eyes were on me, I could feel the heat, his shadow told me he was tall, his voice was not the only thing that was deep, I wanted him deep in me.
As I reentered the room, he stopped me to say hi, "Oh hi", I said as if I never noticed him. I was nervous, if I were wearing a skirt you could hear my knee's knocking. He was beautiful. His 6'4" frame was a compliment to my 5'4". His lips, juicy and moist waiting on a kiss from me, he spoke words that I did not hear, my focus was his statue. His brown eyes, his dark skin, I wanted a tall glass of him, straight, no chaser.
At that moment, he could have anything he wanted from me. I was mesmerized and I enjoyed the submissiveness of it all. Take me, do as you please, please. Use me tonite and if you make it right, I will be back.
Touch me, feel that I am soft, know that this is yours until you are full, and when you are hungry again, I will be there to anticipate all your needs.
Let your hands roam by body like a tourist with no map. Where ever you end up is the right place. Take a trip to my fairyland, every ride is sweet. Let me take you to the highest point of clarity. Because only a man who can truly see the beauty of what he is embarking upon, can truly see me.
Damn.....as I returned from my trance, I was being introduced to this man with whom I made my fantasy. Unbeknownst to him, we had made love all around the world. We shook hands, made small talk, he went his way and I went mine.
I smiled knowing where I had been.
Like silk it entered my ears and down my neck and landed on my collar bone
My body froze, my mind raced wondering where the heat was coming from
I sat there no longer watching the TV, but taking in all that he said , how he said it and what would he say to me...My phone rings, I walk out the room to take the call
As I passed him by, I refuse to look into his eyes, but his eyes were on me, I could feel the heat, his shadow told me he was tall, his voice was not the only thing that was deep, I wanted him deep in me.
As I reentered the room, he stopped me to say hi, "Oh hi", I said as if I never noticed him. I was nervous, if I were wearing a skirt you could hear my knee's knocking. He was beautiful. His 6'4" frame was a compliment to my 5'4". His lips, juicy and moist waiting on a kiss from me, he spoke words that I did not hear, my focus was his statue. His brown eyes, his dark skin, I wanted a tall glass of him, straight, no chaser.
At that moment, he could have anything he wanted from me. I was mesmerized and I enjoyed the submissiveness of it all. Take me, do as you please, please. Use me tonite and if you make it right, I will be back.
Touch me, feel that I am soft, know that this is yours until you are full, and when you are hungry again, I will be there to anticipate all your needs.
Let your hands roam by body like a tourist with no map. Where ever you end up is the right place. Take a trip to my fairyland, every ride is sweet. Let me take you to the highest point of clarity. Because only a man who can truly see the beauty of what he is embarking upon, can truly see me.
Damn.....as I returned from my trance, I was being introduced to this man with whom I made my fantasy. Unbeknownst to him, we had made love all around the world. We shook hands, made small talk, he went his way and I went mine.
I smiled knowing where I had been.
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
Dating Again....Whhhheeeewww!!
I had one of the nicest weekends this year. I hung out with friends, the RAIDERS won, and meet one of the nicest guys in a long time.
I am dating, or getting back in to the swing of it per say and it is a rare case to meet someone and an hour later we are out having a great time. He was what I liked, but since my manometer has been a little off due to a lack of dating, I am going to enjoy it for what it is, because next week might be a different story....lol
There is also another young fellow who I used to like back in the day and he has resurfaced in the most powerful way. I wonder why that happens? It makes me wonder why do people resurface back into your life after such long periods of time.
After talking to this man for awhile, I realized that he has been many places that I have been, but I never noticed him. My eyes were unfocused and my attention was somewhere else. I must say that the same remains true today. When I with someone that I love, I see no other man. In my eyes, there is not another man that exist. But anyway, his memory was apparently very vivid, I guess a man always remembers the woman he did not get.....lol. He was at one of my birthday parties, he went to one of the colleges I attended, I do not remember any of that..sad. But as most people know I had a boyfriend in high school and I was all his......seriously. It was my daughter's father after that, so yeah, there was no other man.
This new energy that I am carrying has me getting a lot of attention. I usually get a lot of attention, but this time "I am really getting a lot of attention". I am a shy person, so sometimes it embarrasses me. It makes me feel timid and want to climb inside a closet to shut it all down. Which is one of the reasons that I do not go out that much. Some men act like they never saw a beautiful woman before, and they do the strangest things. Like over compensate, be over accommodating and it makes them look silly. I enjoy being treated like a lady. I mean a beautiful woman can get away with a lot, and gets a lot, hands down, but please it's the norm for me, you are just adding to what I get on the regular, just in small doses without the overkill. Don't come off so hungry....lol It scares me.
So as I embark on my new dating experiences, maybe I will keep you posted on some of the happenings. I am such a private person, I can never just tell all. The sex in my life is something that I have missed, and gosh I promise to do it differently this time,and I don't mean different positions. I am going to enjoy it just the same, just go about it in another way, maybe in a way that will leave us both happy and more than satisfied.
Smoooches
I am dating, or getting back in to the swing of it per say and it is a rare case to meet someone and an hour later we are out having a great time. He was what I liked, but since my manometer has been a little off due to a lack of dating, I am going to enjoy it for what it is, because next week might be a different story....lol
There is also another young fellow who I used to like back in the day and he has resurfaced in the most powerful way. I wonder why that happens? It makes me wonder why do people resurface back into your life after such long periods of time.
After talking to this man for awhile, I realized that he has been many places that I have been, but I never noticed him. My eyes were unfocused and my attention was somewhere else. I must say that the same remains true today. When I with someone that I love, I see no other man. In my eyes, there is not another man that exist. But anyway, his memory was apparently very vivid, I guess a man always remembers the woman he did not get.....lol. He was at one of my birthday parties, he went to one of the colleges I attended, I do not remember any of that..sad. But as most people know I had a boyfriend in high school and I was all his......seriously. It was my daughter's father after that, so yeah, there was no other man.
This new energy that I am carrying has me getting a lot of attention. I usually get a lot of attention, but this time "I am really getting a lot of attention". I am a shy person, so sometimes it embarrasses me. It makes me feel timid and want to climb inside a closet to shut it all down. Which is one of the reasons that I do not go out that much. Some men act like they never saw a beautiful woman before, and they do the strangest things. Like over compensate, be over accommodating and it makes them look silly. I enjoy being treated like a lady. I mean a beautiful woman can get away with a lot, and gets a lot, hands down, but please it's the norm for me, you are just adding to what I get on the regular, just in small doses without the overkill. Don't come off so hungry....lol It scares me.
So as I embark on my new dating experiences, maybe I will keep you posted on some of the happenings. I am such a private person, I can never just tell all. The sex in my life is something that I have missed, and gosh I promise to do it differently this time,and I don't mean different positions. I am going to enjoy it just the same, just go about it in another way, maybe in a way that will leave us both happy and more than satisfied.
Smoooches
Friday, September 18, 2009
Where is he?
So here I sit on another sleepless night
Believing that everything will be alright
Wondering what my husband is doing tonight
If he were here we would talk, laugh and make perfect love
Promise to be there for each other like many times before and fall into
a heavenly slumber
We would dream of each other as if we never meet. Dream of this moment
and days that haven't happened yet.
We would dream of walks in the park, holding hands, smiling, and dancing to
our heart beat
Having a strong, true and incredible love that knows no defeat.
We would comfort each other in times of need, being a best friend, confidante and
whatever else we may need.
I love my husband, A God send is what he is to me
When I wake from this dream, there he lies sleeping right next to me.
Believing that everything will be alright
Wondering what my husband is doing tonight
If he were here we would talk, laugh and make perfect love
Promise to be there for each other like many times before and fall into
a heavenly slumber
We would dream of each other as if we never meet. Dream of this moment
and days that haven't happened yet.
We would dream of walks in the park, holding hands, smiling, and dancing to
our heart beat
Having a strong, true and incredible love that knows no defeat.
We would comfort each other in times of need, being a best friend, confidante and
whatever else we may need.
I love my husband, A God send is what he is to me
When I wake from this dream, there he lies sleeping right next to me.
Thursday, September 17, 2009
No Regrets (A Poem Story)
My heart has been torn out from the bottom
And there was no way I could stop him
I wanted what he gave and I willingly became his
emotional slave
How could I have been so blind, you got one over this time
Ya see, I am usually on my toe's when it comes to average Joe's, but this
brotha, I bought everything he sold
And I can't even tell you what it was
But when he came it felt like an uncontrollable force
I was instantly attached to a feelin' I never wanted to divorce
He made me sick.
And I loved it.
I craved him and thought of things and moments to come, I was lost and it
all felt so good, at first.
He was just what I liked. A conscious brotha', knowledgeable of everything that
moved the planet, his heritage and culture, his pain, his struggle
I was feelin' him.
A pure intellect, cuz I prefer a mind fuck over a fuck, but who the fuck was he?
A mystery that I wanted more of, an unpredictable human so wonderfully made, but had I been played?
Nah, of course not. Cause as I sit here thinking of moments past, and how that
love bug had knocked me on my ass, I enjoyed every moment like the sunset, and in love and war there are no regrets.
And there was no way I could stop him
I wanted what he gave and I willingly became his
emotional slave
How could I have been so blind, you got one over this time
Ya see, I am usually on my toe's when it comes to average Joe's, but this
brotha, I bought everything he sold
And I can't even tell you what it was
But when he came it felt like an uncontrollable force
I was instantly attached to a feelin' I never wanted to divorce
He made me sick.
And I loved it.
I craved him and thought of things and moments to come, I was lost and it
all felt so good, at first.
He was just what I liked. A conscious brotha', knowledgeable of everything that
moved the planet, his heritage and culture, his pain, his struggle
I was feelin' him.
A pure intellect, cuz I prefer a mind fuck over a fuck, but who the fuck was he?
A mystery that I wanted more of, an unpredictable human so wonderfully made, but had I been played?
Nah, of course not. Cause as I sit here thinking of moments past, and how that
love bug had knocked me on my ass, I enjoyed every moment like the sunset, and in love and war there are no regrets.
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
My Daughter's....My Love, My Life
I recently gave birth to a baby girl. She is my second daughter, my first daughter is 15 years old. My pregnancy was an eye opening experience. It was a lot different from being 23 years old and having a baby. I am in love just the same, but this time, the father is absent and the choice has been his and to have her was mine.
Since my first daughter's father has passed away, I know he would have some choice words for a man who does not want to participate in a child's life, but I knew where he stood upon my decision to have my daughter. Even though I want her to know her father, in the long run, it's probably best that she does not. He's that guy who was good for sex, and nothing more. A small mind with nice dick. Not the biggest, not the longest, but the nicest...LOL...Kind of like the the girl who you would fuck, but never marry for whatever reason. After four years of playing around, the real stuff has arrived. And like a pup with his tail between his legs, he runs and he runs fast, but not long. My daughter is a wonderful surprise and a wonderful blessing and again I am in love. Even though I do not understand the decision for any person to not want to be in their child's life, I know that as a mother I am going to do my part and raise her to be the best woman she can be.
I am glad that I have another daughter. I have done well with my 15 year old,and this should be a breeze, right? I am not sure, but I am looking forward. This also changes the way that I date. I am more interested in the man that is about something, instead of the man that is just existing and doing nothing. No more tolerating the loose minded for entertainment, and God knows that I have been entertained. It is all about timing and this is the right time for me. I have enjoyed my single hood (single 4 years), it has really given me a chance to see who I am. I needed to have the growth. Now that I am a single mom of two daughters it makes me want to get on my grind even more. Push my book that I am writing. Push the net working and just start really focusing on my future as well as my girls. Men have come so easy for me, but I want that man, man...LOL.
In time it will all come to fruition. Just like the sand flowing through an hour glass, the time will come. I believe that if you see your future, and see how you want it, it will pan out just as you planned it, if not better, however it comes, it comes perfectly. Just focus on every little detail and it will come. I am a writer, I am not meant to work in corporate America. Even though that route has given me a nice income, I am so much more than what they see. I always have been. So now it's time to focus on that and just "do me".
As I embark on this new phase in my life, this new era, I will share as much as I can. There is nothing more gratifying than sharing an experience and having someone learn or share in the experience with me, that's one of the reasons why I write, it's for the love and for life's common themes that we all share or can relate to. First the book, then the movie...I am comin' at cha!
Stay tuned.....
Since my first daughter's father has passed away, I know he would have some choice words for a man who does not want to participate in a child's life, but I knew where he stood upon my decision to have my daughter. Even though I want her to know her father, in the long run, it's probably best that she does not. He's that guy who was good for sex, and nothing more. A small mind with nice dick. Not the biggest, not the longest, but the nicest...LOL...Kind of like the the girl who you would fuck, but never marry for whatever reason. After four years of playing around, the real stuff has arrived. And like a pup with his tail between his legs, he runs and he runs fast, but not long. My daughter is a wonderful surprise and a wonderful blessing and again I am in love. Even though I do not understand the decision for any person to not want to be in their child's life, I know that as a mother I am going to do my part and raise her to be the best woman she can be.
I am glad that I have another daughter. I have done well with my 15 year old,and this should be a breeze, right? I am not sure, but I am looking forward. This also changes the way that I date. I am more interested in the man that is about something, instead of the man that is just existing and doing nothing. No more tolerating the loose minded for entertainment, and God knows that I have been entertained. It is all about timing and this is the right time for me. I have enjoyed my single hood (single 4 years), it has really given me a chance to see who I am. I needed to have the growth. Now that I am a single mom of two daughters it makes me want to get on my grind even more. Push my book that I am writing. Push the net working and just start really focusing on my future as well as my girls. Men have come so easy for me, but I want that man, man...LOL.
In time it will all come to fruition. Just like the sand flowing through an hour glass, the time will come. I believe that if you see your future, and see how you want it, it will pan out just as you planned it, if not better, however it comes, it comes perfectly. Just focus on every little detail and it will come. I am a writer, I am not meant to work in corporate America. Even though that route has given me a nice income, I am so much more than what they see. I always have been. So now it's time to focus on that and just "do me".
As I embark on this new phase in my life, this new era, I will share as much as I can. There is nothing more gratifying than sharing an experience and having someone learn or share in the experience with me, that's one of the reasons why I write, it's for the love and for life's common themes that we all share or can relate to. First the book, then the movie...I am comin' at cha!
Stay tuned.....
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