Exactly Who You Are

I believe nothing happens by accident.  There are causes and there are effects.  Whatever you decide to put into action, beware of the consequences, because outcomes may vary.   Sometimes we try to control our lives and the people in them. We try to plan our lives according to how we think things should be. I now understand that we can plan, but also be prepared for the unexpected. 

In this life, we do not have all the control, but we can control ourselves and who we interact with. There will always be other energies working on the element of surprise, or deferring your best-laid plans.   When we plan to marry, but we can't find anyone. When we plan to save and can not. When we plan for that big promotion, but we never get it. When we want that relationship, but can’t seem to come together.  When you work hard and it seems you can never get to where you are going, do not be discouraged, be patient.  One of the challenges of life is accepting where you are and having the ability to continue on while everything you have tried has seemingly failed.  It takes strength, tenacity, belief in yourself, and an attitude adjustment.   It is also your opportunity to stand back take a look and readjust your perspective.   It is not for you to give up, but to keep at it.  Keep at whatever you believe in and not allow your circumstances make you a victim.  

My journey is still in progress.  My growth and healing is still taking place, but now I can see where I am going.   I was born into an environment of negativity.   I was surrounded by people filled with complaints, competition, envy, self-hatred, and the destruction of anything positive. Money rules their life and they'll do anything to get it.  It provides them a false sense of accomplishment when beneath it all is misery. It took me a long time to not become a part of what I was compelled to grow up in. To undo what I was indoctrinated to believe about myself and this world.  The violence, and the abuse I experienced growing up, led me straight to an abuser and an annulled marriage.  It was my lesson to learn and it was also the beginning of ending a generational cycle.

We are all destined for something.  It varies among us all because we do not live in a one-size fits all world.  There have been many who have become active participants in the dismantling of this world, but those who can "see" will help to keep it all together.  The fruit of life always looks so sweet, until we take a bite.  That bite is filled with despair, the unloved, hurt, pain, and numerous other nameless atrocities, but we chew it up and swallow it anyway.  We want to believe it gets better, and for some of us, it does. As soon as you decide you want better.    Once you step out of the world and into yourself, your vision changes and you become like a child discovering your adult self for the first time.

As I look at my life, I have had some disappointments, a few setbacks, and sometimes not even an encouraging word was heard.  Those experiences forced me to become my own motivator and not look for anything outside of myself because everything I need has always been in me. I educated myself, and then acknowledged and accepted my suppressed gifts.  This path is mine to walk and to do as I please.  We all have that right, so do not let anyone dim your light.  You have every right to shine and blind people in the process. 

 I appreciate all of you who listen to my podcast and read my books, especially those in foreign countries.  Although, I have been shadowbanned on most outlets, copied and my intellectual property infringed upon, you will never be me.   There are circumstances that I won't even mention because it's so ridiculous it is no longer worth my attention, and besides it is all being taken care of as I speak. I want to you to know that your power is in you, and do not wait on someone else to validate it.   I want you to know that if you woke up today, you are already a success.  You have nothing to prove to anyone and you do not owe anyone an explanation on how you live your life.  It is ok to not fit into this upside-down world that honors deception, lies, and despises the truth. The people that fit in, are giving up their identity to a society that doesn't even care.  Create your own eutopia, bask in your uniqueness, and fall in love with being exactly who you are. 

Peace Within

Lavidus

Check out my Etsy Store!

https://www.etsy.com/shop/CandleByLights

Photo Credit:

Image by rawpixel.com

Why I Left Corporate America

On September 11, 2001, my relationship with corporate America changed forever.  It should have happened sooner, but that was the tower I needed in order to see the disarray I had been clouded by.  Like many Americans and others alike, I was taught to get an education, go to work, get married, you know the routine.  Since I had already had an annulled marriage and had only completed three years of college, I believed I still had a chance to nail it on the playing field of corporate America. 

I landed a job working for a large property management company.  I was elated to have the job and planned on being there until I retired.  I started out as a customer specialist and within five years I had my third promotion and was working as a project coordinator handling large accounts and supporting the project management team.  I loved my job and I loved the people I worked with.  My ambition was supported and I wanted to go further so I choose a mentor within the company. The mentor I choose was a woman who was the Vice-President of our region.   She was the only woman in her position.  I admired her and I wanted to know how she got there.  She was not the mentor I expected.  She made it a habit of crushing my self-esteem.  She ridiculed me, pointed out all my flaws, and told me in order to be successful I needed to go back to college and get a degree.  Did she not know that I had received three promotions, received several awards, and several Starbucks gift cards and that was not considered a success?  During our meetings, she boasted about her sons, husband, and the vacations they would take.  She would later make the decision to lay me off without even a notice.

I took her advice and went back to college. I worked full-time and went to school at night or whenever I could. It took me almost six years to complete one year of college, but I did it.  I received my bachelor's degree in Organizational Leadership from Chapman University.   I decided to not go back to the project management arena and to work in human resources instead. My first job was as a human resources assistant and my last job was as a human resources manager.  Throughout my career in human resources, I learned that when that asset manager was sending me emails telling me he liked my ass, that was sexual harassment.  When one of my managers would make it a point to tell me how to hold a fork during a business lunch, that was bullying.   I learned to recognize toxic behavior and address it properly.   But after several years of dealing with sexual harassment not only from men but women as well, and solving the problems of immature employees, I longed for something more challenging, engaging, and fulfilling.    

After being labeled and obsessed over in a corporate environment, you learn how to recognize the energy that people can bring in any environment.  Eventually, I determined that a decision has to be made.  Is it worth your mental health?  Is your physical health worth it?  Do I see myself working twenty years dealing with all these projections that hit like bullets?  I said no, and I became the writer, which I have always been and loved.  I've had a journal since I was in the 5th grade.  I did not want to look back on my life and have the majority of it look like work and no play.  Life is a vacation and work should be play. I tapped into my creative side and I haven't looked back. 

The journey of a creative person is not easy.  Being a small business owner is not easy at all; but it is worth the peace and the gratification of a finished project that you put your heart into.  So when I say I appreciate all of your support I do.  I appreciate every single share, subscribe, repost, every donation big or small, it all keeps me going.   I have people who listen to my podcast a hundred times but never "like" it or give it a review.  Then there are those who watch my videos a thousand times but never share them. What's important to me is that you see them and that you are listening so, I appreciate you too. 

Peace Within

Lavidus

Image by rawpixel.com

Keep Going...

On the road to greatness, on the road to your new beginning, on the road to success, you will come across and face many obstacles.   But let adversity be your guide.  Let it mold you.  Do not resist the changes that are ahead because if you do not go through with this magnetic flow, this change that is festering within in, you can not welcome the new.  Your new chapter will not begin until you are ready to accept and let go.

It is ok to rest and re-evaluate and change what is not working.  But don't you dare stop long enough to forget who you are.   You can revise your plan, change your goals or even make a few mistakes, but do not let that discourage you.  The world needs you.  There is no one else like you, so keep going.  There is no one who can do it quite like you, so keep going.   The pain of being a rose with thorns does not stop those buds from blooming into a beautiful red rose.  The transition must take place in order for you to welcome the next stage of your life. 

Everything has to be undone to create balance. Everything is temporary. What you do with your time will determine how far you will go. How are you spending your time?

When in doubt, keep going.

When they underestimate you, keep going. 

When you are misunderstood and misrepresented, keep going.

When you feel all hope is lost, take a break, but keep going.

When it seems like the truth will never come, stand still, it always does, you just keep going.

To the mothers that make a way out of no way, you are seen, and your love is felt, so keep going.

To the Kings that stand up and defend your families, Keep Going!

Theres several things that happen when you focus on yourself and keep going. You either get to where you want to be or you are led on a path that leads you to where you need to be. 

I remember a time when it seemed like everything was going wrong.  I couldn't seem to figure it all out.  I had to stop and realize that it is not my job to figure it all out.  It is not my job to always have it all together.  I don't always have to have all the right answers.  I decided to relax into my being, focus on what I desire, believe in what I deserve, and watch it unfold.  I will be the first to say that it is not an easy task to give up the elusive nature of "control".   You must be willing to surrender.   You must be able to look inside yourself and take a moment to really see who you really are.  Who are you?  What is your purpose?  You may even find that you have no purpose at all.  

Adversity, obstacles, and downfalls are all the things that help you to develop inner strength.  You do not learn your greatest lessons by always knowing what to do.  You learn by not knowing and being willing to take a chance to find out.  You are the conductor, the creator, the influencer, the magician, so make it happen.

Peace Within

Lavidus

Twitter:  @llwriter

Instagram:  __lavidus_13

podcast: Click the link to the right and enjoy!

Art of Peace-3 Ways to Protect It

1.  Don't Expect Much   I used to believe that if you are good to people those same people will be good to you.  That is not always true.  Your good toward people may come back to you, but it may not come from the people that you have been good to. In the bank of good deeds, it is the deed that matters. It becomes imperative to see people through the lens that they show you and not give them any more credit or discredit them for who they are.   All the good I've done and all the love I've shown tends to come back through other people and in different forms.  It may not necessarily be from the people you expect, so keep your options of receiving open.

2. Kill them With Kindness  Never stoop to the level of your adversaries.  Let them believe that they have won, so that they can get comfortable.  Let them recruit the monkeys, spend the money and look foolish in the process.   One of my favorite quotes is, " I play dumb for smart reasons."  When you know the truth, when you know your truth,  there is no need to bring it to liars, because you already know what a liar will do.  There is no need for you to try to make peace when they have started the war.  Never become disrespectful or lose your cool among those who live in a state of pandemonium, unable to control their mental state. Instead, remove your energy, send them some love, and treat them like a long-lost friend that you say you will call, but never do.

3. Have Strong Boundaries I had to learn to not just let anyone have access to me.  People love being in my presence, and sometimes those same people will drain you dry and wonder why you're looking like a prune.  It is very important that along with protecting your peace, you protect your energy. You determine when who, and how much time you spend with someone. Your only obligation is you. If you find yourself giving to the point of exhaustion and there is nothing being returned, then you need to create some boundaries with your time. If you are always making an effort or always the one that can be depended on, but you can't depend on anyone,  then you need to pull yourself all the way back.  Look at it this way; saying no to them is saying yes to you, and saying yes to them is saying no to your peace.  

Peace Within💓

Lavidus

Image by rawpixel.com

Excerpt VI "SugarBelle" Intro to Damien

Damien

Click the Relationship Talk podcast link to listen to an excerpt from the book "SugarBelle". I am currently writing the ending and these characters have taken me on a trip and back again.  If you want to read about the beginning of SugarBelle's and Damien's toxic love affair, Click the link to the right and order SHAME- Love, Lies, and Lust.

Thank you for sharing this journey with me, one day these stories will be on the big screen, or on a stage, and go beyond what I can ever imagine.😊

Peace & Love

Lavidus 

Raw Pixel

Forever

I can turn the tide and 

Change the game

I can make you fly, baby

Just say my name

I am the sun and always the moon

I am the rain in a drought, and I shout whenever I am in the mood

I exist in all these starry skies

Look Up, baby, look beyond my eyes

She was, She is, and will forever be

Your first thought implanted

For you a future memory

I can heal your soul and make every day a dream

One touch, one kiss will be all you need

Love so strong that you will have no choice

But to feel what I am sending

At the sound of my voice

Hold on! Wait!

I am all yours now

There's no turning back, once you enter my town

I will dwell in the cranium of your unfulfilled desires

Thank you, my love, for giving me the power

Til' the dawn is day

And the day is dawn

My love for you will forever live on

         

Time has no measure where we will abide

Hand & hand back on our throne is where we will reside

Now seal the deal with a passionate kiss

Hurry up my love, before I marry a Chris

Lavidus

Jealousy and Envy

"They say that jealousy and envy are crueler than the grave well,  some of you have one foot in." LLW

What makes a person so jealous and envious that they would ruin their own lives in the process?  

What is it about yourself that you hate so much?  It is your lack of love and attention?  You sit and watch other people get loved on and treated special and you don't see no part of that in your chosen life or relationship so their happiness just makes you so sad.  Are you one of those people that sit in your large home with a large bank account and envy those with less?  What is it?  Do you hate your mirror so much that you would rather destroy another person because daily you admit to yourself that you are less and unworthy?  Let's talk about how you can recoup some self-esteem and start loving the skin you're in.

First, I will share with you the difference between jealousy and envy. People often mistake jealousy for envy, when they are two different emotions. Jealousy is the feeling that you will lose what you already have, like a relationship,  or a job.  Envy is the feeling that someone has something that you don't have, like a beautiful face, a nice home, or a rich gorgeous boyfriend, things like that.  Jealousy is having a man or woman in your life and not believing that you have the confidence or self-esteem to keep them.  You believe there is someone better than you who she/ he will eventually choose. Even though that has not happened yet, your thoughts will manifest that reality.  Envy is scrolling on someone else's page day in and day out hoping that because you hate them so much they will get uglier or experience some kind of downfall. What you don't realize is that the more energy you put into a person the bigger they become.  The more you talk about them, the more success they will experience. It doesn't matter if what you are saying is negative or positive, the attention you are causing them to receive is what matters. So, please let a hater promote you.

In order to grow from being jealous or envious, you have to know your worth. Only those who feel they are not worthy will constantly invite the experience of jealousy or envy.  The person that you are jealous or envious of more than likely does not even know.  They probably trust you and love you and here you are plotting against them for no other reason but the fact that behind closed doors, you hate yourself, your life, and all that you represent. The extinct of someone's jealousy may not be apparent at first, but 90% of the time, jealousy and envy are experienced by people you know.   It's usually the people that clap for you in your face and stomp on your name behind your back; the people you grew up with, the people you call friends and family.

In order to get passed those feelings of incompetence, find out what you like about yourself.  What makes you unique?  Check in on yourself and be honest with yourself.   Make a list of the things that you want to change and work towards it.  Make a list of what you could do better and do that.  It will not be easy to undo all the negative things you may believe about yourself.   You are more valuable than the people that you compare yourself to.  We are all traveling on this journey, and we all have our roles to play.  If the role you are choosing is to be a jealous and envious person all your life, then you have already sold yourself short.  You have already given up and you owe yourself more than that.   

Peace Within

Lavidus

Check out my Etsy Store!

https://www.etsy.com/shop/CandleByLights

Painting photo" Envy & Jealousy " by Harry Weisburd