Saturday, August 9, 2008

The *uck Stops Here!

For the last four years I had one of the most craziest affairs ever. It was an affair with a man who was very attractive, kind and from time to time a bit Corny. He made me laugh, had incredible sex and was always there when I needed some.

When I meet him, I had just broken off my engagement. He was the longest rebound relationship that anyone could ever have. There is one thing you do not do in a rebound relationship and that is fall in love. Because when your heart mends, your vision gets clear and your swag comes back, you'll soon find that all you had was a rebound relationship,and God forbid if you just happen to get married.

Let me paint a clearer picture of this relationship and why it had to end. During this four year period, it was not all consistently. We would see each other mostly when we wanted to have sex. The first poetry piece that I wrote him, indicated that this "affair" would come to an abrupt end to which nor he or I would expect. I knew then exactly what I was getting into. Which brings me back to a conversation that a co-worker and I was having four years prior. She had been in a relationship for about three years and even though she was currently happy with her beau,she knew that she would never marry him. At the time, I thought, then why spend so much time with this man, what's the purpose? Fast forward four years and now I know.

There are some men who serve a certain purpose in your life for a period of time. Like any relationship that starts, it can also come to an end. The thing that brought you together is no longer required so it's time to move on. This man was who I saw between little relationships that I had here and there. Like the dick you keep in the glass case and break in case of an emergency. Except, I broke the case along time ago, so now I just grab it. Although I have not been in a committed relationship in a while, I always found my way back to his bed. That's all I wanted then and that was all I was getting now. Until one day it dawned on me, that I wanted more from a relationship and in order to get that I would have to cut off all the strings that I had with people who had "served their purpose". Normally, I would not cut a person off this way, but since we really never took the time to become friends, in my mind all I was cutting off was his dick. (No pun intended) There was the expression of love every now and then, but having love "for" is definitely different than being in love. So when it was time for me to completely free myself from the willing chains that this man seemed to have on my "tinkerbell" it was not as easy as I thought. There were several levels to this departure.

The first level was telling him. Like most men, he heard what he wanted to hear. In his mind what I said I did not mean and I just needed sometime. Two weeks went by, and yes I was back in his bed. Sweating, panting, loving what he's doing to me as if I never said anything at all.

The second level was telling him again. Another few weeks went by, and in one of my drunken stumpers, called him and came over after a night of partying. That time was a matter of convenience. And being made love to, until I felt like I ran a marathon was the convenience fee.

The third and final level, was telling him again this time in person. Although we ended up making love again, this time he said something that completely threw me off. While he flipped me over and laid it on me from the back he whispered softly in my ear, "I will always fuck you, even when you get married". At that very moment all the excitement left of my body. I knew then that this was indeed the last rump in the hay. Did he really think that I would forsake my vows to come over and let him take part in my tinkerbell that was not even his tinkerbell in the first place? Ahhhh hell to the naw! Nobody got off that night. I looked him in the eyes and said, you think so?

That was the last time I saw him. I stopped answering his phone calls, and text messages. He's probably still wondering what happened, it's not like he was not warned. If you ever find yourself in a relationship that is no longer making you completely happy, then move on. There is no need to keep at something that is not worth keeping at. Even if it is just sex, money, or his freaky fetish, whatever your motivation for being in the relationship is, if it's not working, don't compromise your happiness. But if you want a relationship that is worthwhile, it's better to become friends first, take your time to get to know him or her, real love will follow when you're ready.

LOVE RULES

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