Sunday, April 27, 2008

Tender

He was like a warm breeze between my legs
He left no part untouched
When he was not there, I felt him so much

A true King indeed , one that could not be denied
He tamed the beast in me just by one look from his eyes

He handled me the way a man should
Caressing my mind with images of words unheard
Giving me everything that I deserved

His kiss was magic it made my heart pound
I've never been kissed so deeply
His tongue introducing itself to me

My body he would get to know intimately
For it was my mind that he went through first to get to me

Mind Madness

It's pretty sad that I only get a chance to write on my blog every 10 days. My mind is so blogged up with everything in life that I seem to forget to release the madness. There is so much going on in the universe and with people that sometimes I need to be away from it all.

Ya know I love the warm weather, so I was out in it. I faked on a date the whole weekend. I am just not into him so why bother. I faked in a nice way, I choose to spend time with my daughter instead. I checked on people to see what they were doing, and for a Sunday nothing much was happening, even for those who said they were doing something. I was in the mood for love, well sex and since I have cut off my hook-up. I was left to ponder about a few other aspects of my life that may appear to be lacking......lol

There are so many people who want to see me in a relationship, and happy. But my happiness does not mean being with a man. Happiness is being able to express myself through writing. Happiness is eating pecan praline ice cream at midnight and not having to worry about my weight. I am happy now, and I think when the time is right that man will add to that when I am ready and not a moment sooner. But sex however, damn, that is an immediate need. I also most hate that the one that gives it to me EXACTLY like I like it, is miles and miles away.....damn, damn, damn. And the sad part is that no one else will do. So, I go without. I could call him and he would come, but then he would get made cause then I would want him to go back and that would start another fiasco and blah, blah, blah. And these Cali boy's if not most all of them are in question and pretty fucked up if you ask me....lol.
I would rather do something else.....like watch a flick.

Anyway, during this time, I am working out everyday. I am making some great progress, I kind of like it. I have one of my friends work out with me and we are on a mission to just be healthier. I love my body, I am naturally muscular, so toning takes no time. My legs are my favorite and his too....lol

I am getting sleepy, I wanted to write some of my book tonite, but I cannot figure out what the damn password is I placed on my document. That's just retarded! I am so frustrated by that. Maybe that is a sign that I should go in another direction, who knows. My goal right now to invest for the next three years so I can write full-time. My dream is to be a stay at home mom, with my son and write all day, while my hubby works. That sounds so not like me, but that is where I am headed. Just watch and see....

Friday, April 18, 2008

Caught Up!!!!

It's interesting how things turn out for the best. How you can make a decision not to do something even though it seems that all the card's re in order, but you listen to that 6th sense, and without reason choose to do something else? I know, I have been there and because of this situation and many more, I have listened to that inner voice, it's when we ignore it, all hell breaks loose!

About a year or more ago, I met a nice guy that lived in my apartment complex. He was very handsome and I even noticed that he had a southern accent. We had seen each other in passing since both of our daughters attended the same school. However, on this particular day, while I was leaving he came up to me and said hello. I thought ok, really nice guy with southern accent. Come to find out, he was from my home state of Mississippi. What a coincidence. We continued to talk and exchange numbers. After talking on the phone for about two weeks, he invited me over to his crib. Ok, remember when I said I thought he lived in the same apartment complex? Well, that is where his "baby mama" lived and he was taking his daughter over to the house. He lived a few blocks down the street. RED LIGHT!

I went over, walked it. The atmosphere was nice, incense burning, my kind of mood. I recalled that he said he was a rapper when I saw all the posters of himself all over the wall. The conversation we had was a little different. He seemed a little nervous and complimented me profusely. He even mentioned the "secret", which I had not heard of at the time and suggested that I watch it or read the book. He said that we were meant for each other, we brought each other in our lives and he would love to taste my lips. (At this point, I am thinking which ones...lol). I declined. After listening to him rant for what seemed like an hour. My cell phone rings and it's one of my favorite boy's, so I tell him I have to go, and thanks for inviting me over. He received a hug and then went in for a kiss, which he again gets declined for. I know these lips are tempting, but not for you tonite. I felt that he was not at all being truthful and there was just something about him that I could not put my finger on. Anyway, I put him on pause for a very long time. He called and called. I even had him pick me up from the airport once, but just never hooked up with him again. A few weeks after our initial meeting I see him with a baby and a woman, which clearly was his girlfriend since this child seemed like it was a newborn. I never really got a good look at her, but it was definitely him, so I thought why a brotha gotta lie?

Anyway, fast forward two years and I am sitting in the nail shop and guess who walks in, the dude and his girlfriend, except this time I get a closer look at her, and it is a girl that I currently work with! Wow!!!. If you have never seen a black man turn white, you should have been there. He was literally sweating bullets. We were chatting it up, talking about the job, and I know he thought that I would buss his ass out, but I am not that kind of woman. I never want to be the one to fuck up what appears to be a happy home. I just shot him a look that could nail him to the cross.

All I can say now is thank God I passed on him, and listened to my inner voice. I could have easily fallen for this man and look what damage it would have done to the both of us. It's never a game when you play with matters of the heart, so don't start!

Tuesday, April 15, 2008

Free Yo MInd!

I have been told by a few people that I do not enter my blogs often enough. I am trying! Between work, working out and this single life, I am finding it hard to sit and take the time to free my mind. Since writing is my most favorite thing to do, I guess I should spend more time doing it....no pun intended...lol

Did anyone go out this weekend? It was a fabulous spring weekend, and I hear that it will be followed up by a fabulous summer and if you know me, I can not wait. I was out the whole weekend! Although I did not run across anything that was worth mentioning from men to venue's, the time I had just hanging with one of my best friends was enjoyable just the same.

Wait, I take that back, there are a few things that happened that are still in my memory. My friend and I went to a certain Mexican restaurant that has a bar that is located near a jail in Oakland. Those who live in the Bay Area, may know what I am talking about. When we parked, there was certain thumping sound coming from across the street, as the walked it got louder. When we looked up there were several jail inmates beating on the windows waving frantically and saying something. The beating increased, so we both waved. It was a very interesting feeling , at that moment, I realized that those men were not free. They were trying to get the attention of something that do not see on a regular basis. It makes me very sad to see men locked up. I know some may deserve to be there, others may not. I do hope that when they come home, they have something to come home to. Much love to my incarcerated brotha's.

The other event was not so interested. I was hounded by a 55-60 year old man. Who offered to lick my ass and spend his money. I was appalled and annoyed and he was not letting up. I felt if you are licking ass at 60, then there is something that you are seriously missing and you have been missing it for a very long time. He went on to say that he was a long shore man, no good, wanted to touch on me, but thought that I would just take all his money. Ok, I am thinking a sentence ago you wanted me to take all your money. I am also thinking not only is he aging ungracefully, Alzheimer's is kicking in with a vengeance. I finally had to basically curse him out, by saying he could not buy me anything but some stock, for some reason he went away looking confused. When I said stock he probably thought I meant cows....lol

Wednesday, April 2, 2008

The X-Factor

My, my, I am getting in shape. Working out those vital areas, building up my cardio, just in case I run across a young stud. It is almost my favorite time of the year, SUMMER!! Yes, people. I enjoy socializing in the summer. Even though, I also enjoy the winter months snuggled up on someone, summer is the time that I kick them to the curb for something new and exciting....lol

Maybe, I have commitment phobia, or I just enjoy men, whatever the reason, I get bored real easy. I play sometimes, but the goods are only for the elite. Spring cleaning is what I am doing, getting rid of the old and bringing in the new. Even though I may want to hold on to some of them, that's just my heart talking and not my head. My head knows what's up and where it's at. Now that I think about it, I have never been so much in love that I would even consider any of my X's, well there is one, that seem to have laid it on me quite nicely and every now and then I get a visual of what he did to me. But even he has to wait until I am in the mood and being thousands of miles away does not help. The other would be my daughter's father, may he RIP, no one has quite topped him yet. Hey, babe, miss ya!

Sometimes I hear my friends say, "Gosh I would hate to be single now, with all the down-low brotha's, the mentally deranged one's who don't know what they want, it just seems so hard". If he's deranged who gives a fuck what he wants. My response to them; you are not single, you are married, so why are you complaining, shouldn't it be me?. I am enjoying where I am plain and simple, and nothing more to that. I enjoy my freedom. I am having problems dealing with my own attitude problem, why would I want to be bothered with another personality. Again....I appreciate marriage and I know what goes into it, I am not ready to make that type of commitment..... just yet, need I say more. I would rather spend my marriage years happy and not trying to figure out who I am, while living with someone who does not know who they are, then before you know it, we don't know each other, and ending up with someone else,and that's even before we are divorced. All I can say is my needs are being meet and I enjoy the company of some pretty nice guys.

Anyway....

My date with the African King lasted until 4 in the morning. You can figure out the rest. It was nothing but fun and laughs. Don't think he's Mr. Right, but he is going to make a great right now.

Smooches......Go Find Yourself

UPDATE:

As some of you may know all of my social media accounts have been hacked. If you receive text or calls from my phone or email it not have be...