Mental Illness...... The Big Secret

How many people do you know with mental illness?

There may be more people than you think.  There are over 60 million people dealing with some kind of mental  illness whether it's bipolar depression, schizophrenia, panic disorders, obsessive-compulsive disorder and many others.  One of the most complex things about a person who is suffering with mental illness is that they more than likely never seek treatment for it and they are experts at hiding it.

When a person with mental illness reaches the breaking point, it is always a surprise to those around them because they hide it so well.  You will find a student who decides to shoot up a movie theater or go on a stabbing spree.  You will find fashion designer L'Wren Scott, Karyn Washington (founder of For Brown Girls) and Lee Thompson Young (actor)  all who committed suicide.  From the outside world those people tend to be living healthy, happy lives, the appearance of what they perceive is expected and accepted.  They are overly happy, overly accommodating, pretends to have knowledge about everything, over talks and over compensates.  The other extreme would be someone who was an extreme introvert, not social, no friends, a loner, then something triggers in their mental state, and they become desperate to change their situation and the solution is to either harm themselves and/or others.  There are some that have lived so well with the disease that they do not believe that anything is wrong, until their last move, becomes their final one.

There are mental illness' that pose a genetic risk.  If you grow up in a home with a parent who has a mental illness and never seeks treatment, then there's the possibility that there will be children that grow up with mental disease and never seek treatment, it creates a cycle.   A psychologist can determine the kind of mental illness a person has by evaluating their mental state and their ability to function in society.  Their history and their life exposure play an intricate part in determining the best solution. However, how many times have you heard a psychologist say that even with all of their sessions with a patient,  they almost never can predict when a person may self-destruct and decide to hurt themselves or others.  They never see that coming, and my question is why?

When a person decides to see a psychologist or a mental health expert, it should be a requirement to scan the brain to see its current state.  There has to be some kind of element that appears in the brain that would alert a psychologist that this person may be reaching their breaking point and when that breaking point is likely is to happen.  There has to be something in the brain that triggers an alarm that manifests the decision to self-destruct.

The brain is a very complex part of our body it is the energy that fuels us, the power tool that allows us to imagine what we want and catalyst to bring it all to life.  It's one of the most beautiful things about our brain, our imagination, it's pure energy.  If we can predict the outcome of a brain that may already be malfunctioning, we can further understand how to better cope and deal with mental illness.

There are too many homeless people with mental disease, too many children, too many of our veterans, just too many people who are suffering for it not to be further investigated.  I am not a doctor, but it is quite discerning to hear about deaths of people who have a disease that supposedly can be managed and treated.  Let's try to lessen the stigma associated with mental illness, people are afraid to come out the closet and admit that there may be something wrong.   You are not alone.

Peace & Love

Everyone Needs HELP......

In my dislike and amusement for people who are self-centered and selfish, I often think how the hell they got that way.  There are people who truly believe that all they have obtained in life they have done on their own.  I believe that it may have felt as if you were on your own, but there were places, people, forces of nature working in your favor to assist you in your journey.  If all you've done was solely for the purpose of you, why would you have the need to show it and be validated for it by other people?  Everyone needs help, assistance, or some kind of  giving catalyst that may make them feel better and go farther than before.

You had help getting here, someone carried you for seven to nine months and then someone helped you take your first earthly breath.  And for those of you who were born 5 and 6 months early, you just could not wait to get here to be of help to those you may come across.  You  may even serve a greater purpose than most who were allowed to savor those additional 4-5 months.  It's all quite magical and perfectly in sync with nature, God, the spirit and the true of essence of being.  But not everyone knows or have the capacity to think beyond what they see, what they are told or what they are taught.

When I speak in terms of helping I am not speaking about those people who do things for their own self gratification.  I am speaking in terms of those who do things for others not only because there is a need, but because they are moved to do so. Those are the people that are truly blessed, per say.  The ones that have an idea that it is not all about them, but us.  I have been helping people for as long as I can remember, but it was not with the thought that I am helping, it was with the intention of making someone feel better than before, to share what I have or to give them hope that all is not lost. It does not always have to be a tangible item or monetary thing. A conversation, a kind word, a hello, a compliment, a touch on the shoulder, a thank you or the holding of a hand, because you never know what a person is going through.

I remember once when my mother had taken me school shopping and I had a friend who did not have much.  I gave her some of my new clothes, she took them out of jealousy, but I gave them out of kindness.  When people feel that they have to take it is because they also feel that they are not worthy of having.  Or they can not get, and do not want you to have.  But the blessing is in giving not taking. The taker must always in turn become the giver.  In other terms, paying it forward.  Beware of takers who do the opposite. the people that will suck you dry, without nothing to offer in return.  The opportunist, the bottom-feeders they often find those who are willing to give sincerely and take advantage of their kindness, but also can serve the purpose to awaken the giver. 

Giving without expectation, helping out of sincerity and not notoriety.  The reward is helping someone not only when they ask, (most people who really need help do not ask) but giving when they least expect it, or when it moves you to do so.  Not everyone is so in tuned with the human spirit that they can feel a need from another person without them even saying it.  It's really a simple thing,  we are put on earth to serve and help each other, anyone who thinks they are alone in this vast world must be made to feel that they are not.  So the next time you feel the need, don't be afraid to ask someone, How can I help you?

Peace & Love, L

Are You a Friend or Foe?

I have been blessed with the ability to accept people as they are, without judging.  Unfortunately, that has allowed some people to enter into my life, who never deserved to be there in the first place.  I am too friendly, as some would say.  I can  not even have a simple conversation with a man, without him assuming that I want something from him or I have some ulterior motives.  Take a look at yourself, now look at me, why would you be that person?  I have never been a thirsty woman, or desperate for anything, especially when it comes to men. 

I can not complain that I allowed someone in my life who turned out to be less than a friend.  There was no one there who said that I should or shouldn't (well my real girls was like, really?) But it was my choice, so when they act as they are by being a backstabber, a person who can't be trusted, it should not have been  no surprise to me.  What made me think that being their friend would change them?  Silly me.  The wonderful thing about me is I am not friend "needy".  I have a few real friends, whom I trust and love and we share a true sisterhood of respect.  We enjoy conversation about our lives, loves, children, so when I invite an outsider into my circle and you betray that trust, there is no come back.  I will treat you the same, but from your life, I will disappear. No need to address an issue, no need to argue, or get all political about it.  Just know that I see you, and I believe what I see.

As I have gotten older, the people I call friends have diminished to associates, and the associates have become people I know.   How many of you can call your friend to cry, or vent or just let it all out, with no judgments and without hearing another version of what you shared from someone else?  The level of friendships that I am embarking upon are those made of love and acceptance.  Time out for being a catty woman, or jealous or envying someone else's life.  I love where I am, and love even more where I am going.  As time goes on, I will slowly invite you into my world.  It's an amazing place.

The lesson I have learned is, although I will continue to be my usual friendly self,  I will continue to accept people as they are, I will continue to respect and love those that I meet, however, I will not let anyone in my life that clearly do not deserve to be there.  It's important that you know who  is for you and who is pretending to be for you.  As I heard someone say, "Sometimes losing friends means that you are growing up."   I believe it creates room for those who really deserve to be there. 

It's a new year, and along with getting that new body, having a new or better relationships, starting that business, or making any kind of significant change, you have to get rid of the nonsense that serves no purpose.

Peace & Love, L

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Only One Life....So Live!

When I often think of the path that my life has taken, the choices that I have made and the way I have lived my life, the more comfortable I have become with accepting what it is.  This is my life, I only get one shot and I better make it the best shot ever.

I have always made decisions based on me.  It may have been a selfish way to live, but my life has been my responsibility.  My mistakes have been mine, I own them.  I am not a people pleaser.  I have been blessed with so many talents and gifts that I often lose my focus on what it is I really want.  All the things that I could be, have been replaced with all the things that I am and will be.  As I grow and become more accepting of what my life's path is, I am opening up and  loving  more of what I have become.  I am falling in love with my imperfections, as much as I am falling in love with my gifts.   And yes, I am gifted.

When you have lived a life of being misunderstood, jealousy, betrayal, loss of loved one's and just plain disrespected, you may ask why.  Why have you been chosen to feel so many unsolicited emotions.  Why did this happen, or why did she say that, why is the negative so much easier to believe than the truth?  But the real question is to not question.  You can not control any one's perception of you.  You can not let anyone's idea of you determine your destiny.  You can share  what you want people to know, but people will  still be more accepting of what they feel is true and what makes them comfortable, and sometimes it may have nothing to do with you. So, learn to not take it personally, and more importantly, stop being the victim. No one owes you more than you owe yourself.

I've learned that to certain people it doesn't matter how kind you are, how much hair you do, how much money you spend, how many errands you run, how much you support them, that person may still feel that they are doing you a favor by letting you do those things.  When in fact, it has been your kindness that has allowed you to overlook their flaws. So it is not really about how kind you are to someone who does not "get it", it's about choosing people who will appreciate your kindness. Changing the way you are perceived by truly investing in yourself, your heart, and where you spend your time makes a big difference.

My thought process gets complicated sometimes, I watch, listen and learn, and I probably take in too much information, but I love it, I take joy in human nature, the good, the bad and the ugly.  We are all fascinating creatures, but not all of us, are using what was given to us at birth.  Some of us, will truly miss out on what this gift of life is really about.   Living a true life takes courage, love and acceptance.  Living your life means that you don't care what anyone thinks about your choices, demand that they respect it, or keep it moving.

My intent is  to help you see the real you, the you that you sometimes neglect.  Don't worry about people so much, surround yourself with those that will help you get to where you need to go, those who will love you anyway and who will tell you the truth.  A lot of people are living in the dark, afraid to let go of their issues, playing the blame game, and go through life on constant victim auto-pilot.  That is their role, all they have is bad news and gossip, that is what they do, then let them do that, just limit your involvement, limit your contact  to negative people and things, do not constantly let them download all that shit on you. 

There are a lot of people who talk positive, but are living negative, and are still wondering why they are still on that vicious merry go around of a life. Nothing stays the same, and if you are not growing and changing and becoming better, that you are stuck on that tread mill, running fast to no where. Free yourself, let go of garbage, forgive those who have tried to poison your existence, it's never to late to live, because you only get one life.

Peace & Love, LLW

Sex Change.....

Sex change, it means that women are acting like negro's and the men are acting like bitches.  What's with the sex change?  Woman are paying these men bills and letting them drive your car, what the hell?  And the men are at home complaining about having to clean the house and asking for money to buy some shoe's, really?  And women stop being these men mother's, you can never fill that void.  Haven't you heard what K. Michelle said, "You can't raise a  man"."  Now if you are choosing to be somebody's cougar/mom/provider, then woman that's on you, don't expect too much from a kept man, they can be worse than a 5 year old child with ADD.

Is it not the role of the man to choose his woman?  And be the man, the provider and protector.  I guess I am too old fashioned, those days may be long gone.  What I am hearing is men complaining about their choice of woman.  It's like they gossip worse then we do.  Never putting the blame where it belongs.  In a relationship someone has to be accountable, someone has to be the grown up.

I sit in the barber shop (A man's gossip arena) and hear these men complain about their baby mama's, (not wives).   I hear them say how they are gold diggers, irresponsible, they expect too much, and lazy. It has left the man emotionally unconnected to ever develop a relationship that would be beneficial.  I always consider the source when a man complains about the woman that he has had children with.  This does not go on without saying that some women play their roles as well when a relationship goes array, but that's not the point.  Who do you think she was before she became this person you don't like any more?  What was your intention in the first place?

You can not blame this mishap all on your woman, or X.  At some point things were great.  There was something that led you to this woman.  You must take a look at your part in the demise of the relationship.  Sometimes a man chooses a woman who will depend on him, make him look good, and does not challenge what he chooses to believe about her.  He also chooses a woman based on his level of security.  For instance, every man may desire to have a Beyoncé on their arm, but in reality you may not be the confident, secure man that could have a woman like that, you would definitely have to be a Jay Z.  Like I was told at the barber shop, some men may be intimidated by a woman with her own, and my response to that was, "Then that's not the man for me."

So when you choose a woman who appears to be on your level and find later that she's not, then you might need to find out what your level really is.  You can not possibly get different results doing the same thing each time.  Relationships are hard work, and even harder with the wrong person.   It's clear science that you attract what you are.  That's why it's possible to have different mates at each period of your life.  A person could marry a lot of times to figure it out, or a man might date a woman for 10 years, break up and marry "the one" he meet just a year ago.  It happens. Some will last through the change, other's will not, sometimes that change means wanting someone else.

WE choose who we decide to love. If it's the right person, it could be a very magical thing.  But, if you keep making the same mistakes, and finding yourself in the same kind of relationship,  then maybe you should start giving yourself some real love and attention.  You can not always blame the person you are choosing.  If you think you are unworthy of love, you will continue to choose the person who will continually not give it to you. I could easily say  make better choices, but sometimes we are in such a rush to seal the deal or make someone our own that we miss the fact that the woman we are choosing may be a lazy, gold digging, monster of a person and lack any kind of communication skills, and choose her based on the fact that she looks good on your arm.  Yes, I get it, but it still is your choice, so why complain?

I love the dynamics of  relationships, how they can change you, and be a reflection of who you are and make you a better man or woman. Just make sure you know who's on your arm, be sure of who is representing you, so if she does become the mother of your children, you won't be surprised when all of  sudden she turns ratchet! or (be a Rat chick..lol).

So men, put your pants back on, stand up and wait for what you want in your life.  That is IF you are truly ready.  Lead with more than just your assets.  And women, letting the man be the "man" is more appealing than being his mother. At first, he may not know how to be the man, but give him a chance, lead with your heart (and not your mouth), he could turn out to be something more than just someone to lay with.



Peace & Love Ya'll

A short story about People with degree's who spend their time at the Jungle gym.

I  had the pleasure of working at a jungle gym that had more problems than any organization should allow.  The fact that it was ran by a unprofessional, tardy, inconsistent director was clearly an indication that this would definitely come to an quick end for me or her.

It was filled with people who were in love with their titles, a high turnover rate and just plain stupidity.  Jabba, the certified career coach had the nerve to sit down and tell me how all of her friends own business's and that she was this and that. I mean, who sits and talk about themselves to someone who didn't even show any interest of knowing about you in the first place.  I am not a psychologist, but I think it was her way of justifying her insecurities.  A way to promote what she lacked. I thought it was entertaining nonetheless.  Why didn't she talk about her pseudo-happy marriage that didn't turn out as expected?  Being the breadwinner is not for every woman; not being able to ever be surprised by your hubby or taken to dinner or have anything initiated by him due to lack of funds would take it's toll on any head-strong, independent woman in a marriage, especially when he is cheating.  All that work for nothing, better keep that money coming in guurrlll!

Then there was Sally, who coined herself "Genius", but could not figure out how to check a message from a phone line, with the manual in front of her.  Of course you are my dear, a genius among fools; an organizational psychopath.  Her perfection was her flaw, if she made one mistake, she would flush to a bright red, and looked as if  she was about to overdose on anti-depressants. OCD at it's best, she thrived in an environment that she had total control of, otherwise a mental institution was in order.

The Director was a suppressed woman and for obvious reasons, being married to an Mr. Potato Head had it's burdens.  She was the lesser of the two and he apparently had his way, all day and with whomever.  So she acted like any woman who was not getting what she needed at home, by dressing inappropriately and flirting with anything that gave her a dab of attention. If she only knew how much of a mess she looked.  You know there are no clowns allowed in the jungle gym. And you had the nerve to assume I was taking from the cookie jar. Oh Anna Mae.  Sally does not even like you and  Ms. Jabba forget about your bright ideas, they will never be implemented. 

Once I summed up the characters, I begin to play my game to see what character's I can develop.  I begin to tell my own stories. Stories that seemed so unbelievable, at that point I had to excuse myself to go laugh.  I never told them the truth, I gave them enough to swallow, chew and then share with the rest of the cotton stuffed animals.  It was a real life fairyland. Why should I share my great life with these educated cartoon chracter's?   I may be a lot of things, but what I am not is insecure and cheap.  There was no way I could afford my lifestyle on that salary.  So of course, I had other incomes, dummy. I came in way ahead of you.  I do not gossip, that's for simple minds and you all proved that all to well that you are completely comfortable with talking about "other" people.  I do know a lot about a lot of ccharacters so Ms. Director, you didn't have to tell me about your reputation, you have done well to brand yourself as the airhead within the most popular of communities, they see you and just smile with sympathy. No one is jealous, trust me.  You spread your poison to tarnish reputations, when yours is in shambles.  (FYI: People who divert their energy on another person's life, simply have no life of their own).    Be careful what you talk about, karma is a bitch in a red dress and she never fails to return her favors.

After I was done with the foolery, my brains could not take any more, I hit the door flying.  I had saved enough chucky cheese coins for the holidays and to bring in the new year with a grand new plan.  Yes, I  have plans and it includes giving myself in a way that may help someone else.  Not for my ego, but my desire to serve others.  My advice, the next time you want to blame someone else for you being incompetent, make sure they are under the age of 5.  Those are the only people that could survive in your jungle gym.  Sally is book smart, but lacks the creativity to be open to other avenues of getting the play area complete and is not a team player, but a team slayer.

This was written with cartoon characters in mind and none of these people exist, at least not in my world.  Just a day in the life at the jungle gym

Smile for the camera.-----chheeeese.

LLW