Are You a Friend or Foe?

I have been blessed with the ability to accept people as they are, without judging.  Unfortunately, that has allowed some people to enter into my life, who never deserved to be there in the first place.  I am too friendly, as some would say.  I can  not even have a simple conversation with a man, without him assuming that I want something from him or I have some ulterior motives.  Take a look at yourself, now look at me, why would you be that person?  I have never been a thirsty woman, or desperate for anything, especially when it comes to men. 

I can not complain that I allowed someone in my life who turned out to be less than a friend.  There was no one there who said that I should or shouldn't (well my real girls was like, really?) But it was my choice, so when they act as they are by being a backstabber, a person who can't be trusted, it should not have been  no surprise to me.  What made me think that being their friend would change them?  Silly me.  The wonderful thing about me is I am not friend "needy".  I have a few real friends, whom I trust and love and we share a true sisterhood of respect.  We enjoy conversation about our lives, loves, children, so when I invite an outsider into my circle and you betray that trust, there is no come back.  I will treat you the same, but from your life, I will disappear. No need to address an issue, no need to argue, or get all political about it.  Just know that I see you, and I believe what I see.

As I have gotten older, the people I call friends have diminished to associates, and the associates have become people I know.   How many of you can call your friend to cry, or vent or just let it all out, with no judgments and without hearing another version of what you shared from someone else?  The level of friendships that I am embarking upon are those made of love and acceptance.  Time out for being a catty woman, or jealous or envying someone else's life.  I love where I am, and love even more where I am going.  As time goes on, I will slowly invite you into my world.  It's an amazing place.

The lesson I have learned is, although I will continue to be my usual friendly self,  I will continue to accept people as they are, I will continue to respect and love those that I meet, however, I will not let anyone in my life that clearly do not deserve to be there.  It's important that you know who  is for you and who is pretending to be for you.  As I heard someone say, "Sometimes losing friends means that you are growing up."   I believe it creates room for those who really deserve to be there. 

It's a new year, and along with getting that new body, having a new or better relationships, starting that business, or making any kind of significant change, you have to get rid of the nonsense that serves no purpose.

Peace & Love, L

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Only One Life....So Live!

When I often think of the path that my life has taken, the choices that I have made and the way I have lived my life, the more comfortable I have become with accepting what it is.  This is my life, I only get one shot and I better make it the best shot ever.

I have always made decisions based on me.  It may have been a selfish way to live, but my life has been my responsibility.  My mistakes have been mine, I own them.  I am not a people pleaser.  I have been blessed with so many talents and gifts that I often lose my focus on what it is I really want.  All the things that I could be, have been replaced with all the things that I am and will be.  As I grow and become more accepting of what my life's path is, I am opening up and  loving  more of what I have become.  I am falling in love with my imperfections, as much as I am falling in love with my gifts.   And yes, I am gifted.

When you have lived a life of being misunderstood, jealousy, betrayal, loss of loved one's and just plain disrespected, you may ask why.  Why have you been chosen to feel so many unsolicited emotions.  Why did this happen, or why did she say that, why is the negative so much easier to believe than the truth?  But the real question is to not question.  You can not control any one's perception of you.  You can not let anyone's idea of you determine your destiny.  You can share  what you want people to know, but people will  still be more accepting of what they feel is true and what makes them comfortable, and sometimes it may have nothing to do with you. So, learn to not take it personally, and more importantly, stop being the victim. No one owes you more than you owe yourself.

I've learned that to certain people it doesn't matter how kind you are, how much hair you do, how much money you spend, how many errands you run, how much you support them, that person may still feel that they are doing you a favor by letting you do those things.  When in fact, it has been your kindness that has allowed you to overlook their flaws. So it is not really about how kind you are to someone who does not "get it", it's about choosing people who will appreciate your kindness. Changing the way you are perceived by truly investing in yourself, your heart, and where you spend your time makes a big difference.

My thought process gets complicated sometimes, I watch, listen and learn, and I probably take in too much information, but I love it, I take joy in human nature, the good, the bad and the ugly.  We are all fascinating creatures, but not all of us, are using what was given to us at birth.  Some of us, will truly miss out on what this gift of life is really about.   Living a true life takes courage, love and acceptance.  Living your life means that you don't care what anyone thinks about your choices, demand that they respect it, or keep it moving.

My intent is  to help you see the real you, the you that you sometimes neglect.  Don't worry about people so much, surround yourself with those that will help you get to where you need to go, those who will love you anyway and who will tell you the truth.  A lot of people are living in the dark, afraid to let go of their issues, playing the blame game, and go through life on constant victim auto-pilot.  That is their role, all they have is bad news and gossip, that is what they do, then let them do that, just limit your involvement, limit your contact  to negative people and things, do not constantly let them download all that shit on you. 

There are a lot of people who talk positive, but are living negative, and are still wondering why they are still on that vicious merry go around of a life. Nothing stays the same, and if you are not growing and changing and becoming better, that you are stuck on that tread mill, running fast to no where. Free yourself, let go of garbage, forgive those who have tried to poison your existence, it's never to late to live, because you only get one life.

Peace & Love, LLW

Sex Change.....

Sex change, it means that women are acting like negro's and the men are acting like bitches.  What's with the sex change?  Woman are paying these men bills and letting them drive your car, what the hell?  And the men are at home complaining about having to clean the house and asking for money to buy some shoe's, really?  And women stop being these men mother's, you can never fill that void.  Haven't you heard what K. Michelle said, "You can't raise a  man"."  Now if you are choosing to be somebody's cougar/mom/provider, then woman that's on you, don't expect too much from a kept man, they can be worse than a 5 year old child with ADD.

Is it not the role of the man to choose his woman?  And be the man, the provider and protector.  I guess I am too old fashioned, those days may be long gone.  What I am hearing is men complaining about their choice of woman.  It's like they gossip worse then we do.  Never putting the blame where it belongs.  In a relationship someone has to be accountable, someone has to be the grown up.

I sit in the barber shop (A man's gossip arena) and hear these men complain about their baby mama's, (not wives).   I hear them say how they are gold diggers, irresponsible, they expect too much, and lazy. It has left the man emotionally unconnected to ever develop a relationship that would be beneficial.  I always consider the source when a man complains about the woman that he has had children with.  This does not go on without saying that some women play their roles as well when a relationship goes array, but that's not the point.  Who do you think she was before she became this person you don't like any more?  What was your intention in the first place?

You can not blame this mishap all on your woman, or X.  At some point things were great.  There was something that led you to this woman.  You must take a look at your part in the demise of the relationship.  Sometimes a man chooses a woman who will depend on him, make him look good, and does not challenge what he chooses to believe about her.  He also chooses a woman based on his level of security.  For instance, every man may desire to have a Beyoncé on their arm, but in reality you may not be the confident, secure man that could have a woman like that, you would definitely have to be a Jay Z.  Like I was told at the barber shop, some men may be intimidated by a woman with her own, and my response to that was, "Then that's not the man for me."

So when you choose a woman who appears to be on your level and find later that she's not, then you might need to find out what your level really is.  You can not possibly get different results doing the same thing each time.  Relationships are hard work, and even harder with the wrong person.   It's clear science that you attract what you are.  That's why it's possible to have different mates at each period of your life.  A person could marry a lot of times to figure it out, or a man might date a woman for 10 years, break up and marry "the one" he meet just a year ago.  It happens. Some will last through the change, other's will not, sometimes that change means wanting someone else.

WE choose who we decide to love. If it's the right person, it could be a very magical thing.  But, if you keep making the same mistakes, and finding yourself in the same kind of relationship,  then maybe you should start giving yourself some real love and attention.  You can not always blame the person you are choosing.  If you think you are unworthy of love, you will continue to choose the person who will continually not give it to you. I could easily say  make better choices, but sometimes we are in such a rush to seal the deal or make someone our own that we miss the fact that the woman we are choosing may be a lazy, gold digging, monster of a person and lack any kind of communication skills, and choose her based on the fact that she looks good on your arm.  Yes, I get it, but it still is your choice, so why complain?

I love the dynamics of  relationships, how they can change you, and be a reflection of who you are and make you a better man or woman. Just make sure you know who's on your arm, be sure of who is representing you, so if she does become the mother of your children, you won't be surprised when all of  sudden she turns ratchet! or (be a Rat chick..lol).

So men, put your pants back on, stand up and wait for what you want in your life.  That is IF you are truly ready.  Lead with more than just your assets.  And women, letting the man be the "man" is more appealing than being his mother. At first, he may not know how to be the man, but give him a chance, lead with your heart (and not your mouth), he could turn out to be something more than just someone to lay with.



Peace & Love Ya'll

A short story about People with degree's who spend their time at the Jungle gym.

I  had the pleasure of working at a jungle gym that had more problems than any organization should allow.  The fact that it was ran by a unprofessional, tardy, inconsistent director was clearly an indication that this would definitely come to an quick end for me or her.

It was filled with people who were in love with their titles, a high turnover rate and just plain stupidity.  Jabba, the certified career coach had the nerve to sit down and tell me how all of her friends own business's and that she was this and that. I mean, who sits and talk about themselves to someone who didn't even show any interest of knowing about you in the first place.  I am not a psychologist, but I think it was her way of justifying her insecurities.  A way to promote what she lacked. I thought it was entertaining nonetheless.  Why didn't she talk about her pseudo-happy marriage that didn't turn out as expected?  Being the breadwinner is not for every woman; not being able to ever be surprised by your hubby or taken to dinner or have anything initiated by him due to lack of funds would take it's toll on any head-strong, independent woman in a marriage, especially when he is cheating.  All that work for nothing, better keep that money coming in guurrlll!

Then there was Sally, who coined herself "Genius", but could not figure out how to check a message from a phone line, with the manual in front of her.  Of course you are my dear, a genius among fools; an organizational psychopath.  Her perfection was her flaw, if she made one mistake, she would flush to a bright red, and looked as if  she was about to overdose on anti-depressants. OCD at it's best, she thrived in an environment that she had total control of, otherwise a mental institution was in order.

The Director was a suppressed woman and for obvious reasons, being married to an Mr. Potato Head had it's burdens.  She was the lesser of the two and he apparently had his way, all day and with whomever.  So she acted like any woman who was not getting what she needed at home, by dressing inappropriately and flirting with anything that gave her a dab of attention. If she only knew how much of a mess she looked.  You know there are no clowns allowed in the jungle gym. And you had the nerve to assume I was taking from the cookie jar. Oh Anna Mae.  Sally does not even like you and  Ms. Jabba forget about your bright ideas, they will never be implemented. 

Once I summed up the characters, I begin to play my game to see what character's I can develop.  I begin to tell my own stories. Stories that seemed so unbelievable, at that point I had to excuse myself to go laugh.  I never told them the truth, I gave them enough to swallow, chew and then share with the rest of the cotton stuffed animals.  It was a real life fairyland. Why should I share my great life with these educated cartoon chracter's?   I may be a lot of things, but what I am not is insecure and cheap.  There was no way I could afford my lifestyle on that salary.  So of course, I had other incomes, dummy. I came in way ahead of you.  I do not gossip, that's for simple minds and you all proved that all to well that you are completely comfortable with talking about "other" people.  I do know a lot about a lot of ccharacters so Ms. Director, you didn't have to tell me about your reputation, you have done well to brand yourself as the airhead within the most popular of communities, they see you and just smile with sympathy. No one is jealous, trust me.  You spread your poison to tarnish reputations, when yours is in shambles.  (FYI: People who divert their energy on another person's life, simply have no life of their own).    Be careful what you talk about, karma is a bitch in a red dress and she never fails to return her favors.

After I was done with the foolery, my brains could not take any more, I hit the door flying.  I had saved enough chucky cheese coins for the holidays and to bring in the new year with a grand new plan.  Yes, I  have plans and it includes giving myself in a way that may help someone else.  Not for my ego, but my desire to serve others.  My advice, the next time you want to blame someone else for you being incompetent, make sure they are under the age of 5.  Those are the only people that could survive in your jungle gym.  Sally is book smart, but lacks the creativity to be open to other avenues of getting the play area complete and is not a team player, but a team slayer.

This was written with cartoon characters in mind and none of these people exist, at least not in my world.  Just a day in the life at the jungle gym

Smile for the camera.-----chheeeese.

LLW

Just My Experience......

I often hear of women who are having problems with their man, or problems with their relationship.  Those things are bound to happen when two people are trying to come to common ground in each other's lives.  Having a disagreement is not always a bad thing. You get a chance to see where the other person is coming from, that is if you are communicating in a way that allows each person to really say what they feel.  But we can't always blame our unhappiness on the man.  As women, we have to be responsible for who we choose too.

So here's my experience:

1. You can't expect a man to grow up if you keep acting like his mother.  Naturally women cater to the nurturing  role, sometimes while stripping the man of his manhood.  If he needs a mom , let him go to her. You are no competition.

2.  He's only an asshole because you've accepted his asshole behavior.  Why should he change?  If you want to be with him, then you change and accept it.

3.  Men are easy to please.  Their level of complication is limited.  If he is extremely complicated, or never satisfied, then maybe there are other issues that need to be addressed.  It's not your problem to fix.

4.  There are plenty of single men.  And all  the good men are not  married.  Unfortunately, some of the married one's are hanging out like they are single. Don't fall for it.

5.  Don't change yourself to fit his mold.  He has to love you just as you are. Period!

6.  Everything that feels good is not good.  Give that euphoric feeling  that comes in the beginning when love is new some time.  Time reveals truth.

7.  If you just want a sexual relationship, then don't get emotionally involved.  Set the standards from the start.

8.  Never give a man more credit than he deserves.  You are creating a fantasy and setting yourself up for disappointment.  See him for who he is, then decide.

9.  Men are always drawn to different things, don't change to be someone else to get a man like your friend. What works for them, may not work for you.  And it may all seem rosy on the outside; I am sure your friend is not sharing all the dirt.

10. Forget about a timeline. The I need to get married at this time, or I need to have a baby at this time or anything that limits your freedom to enjoy where you are in life.  We are all born at different times for a reason; one reason may be to travel different paths of life.

11.  Don't expect to find prince charming while you are still dealing with frogs.  Be clear, be open, and be single.  There is nothing wrong with enjoying the freedom of being single.

12.  Ladies, it's ok to cater to your man.  A real one will appreciate your trust and your willingness to please.  Make him feel like he is in control, even when we know who really is. ;).

***NEWSFLASH***  You can have anything you want, aim high and believe it!

LLW-Peace & Everlasting Love

Sometimes......

Sometimes people are so occupied with what appears to be right, they lose a sense of what really is.

Sometimes I wish that boy that I loved saw me for who I was instead of who he wanted me to be.

I didn't fit the family profile.

Never mind that I have the intelligence of a woman with a thousand degree's or the beauty that transcends nations. 
He wanted a type....so his loss.

Sometimes the engine that drives you gives out on that politically correct road, there is no return, so where do you go?

Sometimes if you love and follow what that inner voice says, you might just end up happy.

Life has no specific design for anyone, but a puzzle for us to fit, our own pattern, our own way of life.
One chance, one life, no fear or failure, because it is all perfectly designed.

The road blocks, the tears, the disappointments, the pain, the loss, all ultimately lead to victory.

Sometimes if you never give up, that dark road gets a lot brighter, so bright that whatever you imagined it to be becomes obsolete, because something even greater has made it's appearance.

Sometimes if you be honest with self you will find self being happy with who you are at that moment, at that time.

Sometimes if you just check yo' self, you will find what you already know.

A glow, a shine. a gift so impeccably designed that your flaws are perfect. Accept it.

Sometimes. if you just close your eyes, you are already there, that life you desire already exist before you occupy it. 

Let it be.  Just let it come, sometimes.



Advocate for Love, LLW