Wondering.....

I used to wonder why people were so concerned about what I do with my life. I often pondered why would anyone care if I date an average joe blow or a man with millions. Since I am not consumed at all with what people do with their life, it all seemed a bit cumbersome for them to be consumed with mine. Then I began to think.

People have expectations. Sometimes a person's expectations have nothing to do with you. I know that because so many have been placed on me. I could have been this, I could have been that. But what people fail to understand is me. I have been placed on such a high pedestal at times, when people must realize that I am a human first, and I do what I want. I was not brought to this earth to please "people", just me.

There is so much more that goes with my life than people know,and I am glad that I was finally able to shut them out. Now I have my own little private heaven. Who cares what people think. I am a very personal and private person and if you are not invited in, you will be left outside the velvet rope....LOL. People who are consumed with another person's life, has nothing going on in their's.

If I were a people pleaser, I would be married to that baller, who was as asshole. Or married to that man who was as weak as a feeble boy. I would have associated myself with people and situations that would have not been conducive to positive behavior. I would be very popular, but very unhappy. I am not one to sit around and indulge in idle chat, that offers no change. I am not the soccer mom, I am a realist and I keep it real with my child. I am not saying that I choose this journey, but this is the journey that has been chosen for me. I am glad that I think with my heart and mind, believe there are better days, and never settle for anything. I see every decision made as a learning experience. You can not tell anyone about anything, if you have not experienced it yourself. God is my captain, so I follow where he leads.

Even though my journey is far from over, I believe that it is not in vain. The tears that I have cried, the sadness I feel for those who are lost in a crowd and in their souls. I will continue to nurture the hope that I carry in me, even on a perfect day. It will all shine through when I think back and be thankful for how far I have come.

So I suggest you all find your happiness and what being alive means to you. Get involved in your own life. There is no job, money, status, or title that can take the place of what you do with your time on earth, especially if you have children. Spread love and not judgement, use your knowledge unselfishly, don't compare yourself to others, if that was the life God intended for you, you would have it, and last but not least, DO YOU! That's where it begans and ends.
Peace and Love Ya'll!

He Loves Me......???????

I have a guy who I consider is one of my best friends. We have known each other for over 20 years and even though we have at some points decided to not speak to each other, we still have remained friends in the time of need.

I have never been attracted to this friend though I love him dearly. There have been some times that I believe that he is in love with me, but the notion of us getting together, is just not something I am intested in, he's just not my type. There have been some things to happen that made me believe that things may be going a little to the left, like once when we went out, a few days later I started receiving these anonymous emails about sex and how much me and this mystery person are a like. Who would do that? Then there are the times that he mentions that we should get together, but laughs it off and says he just playing, he's been "playing" for 20 years.

I've learned over the years to not disclose all of my personal information, he has a tendency to bring up negative things from past relationships and people that I have come across. Even though he has been there for a long time, not all the time, but a long time. I guess any man in his right mind can easily fall in love with an all around girl, I am a great friend and I do not judge. I accept people as they are, and I am incredibly beautiful, educated and irresistible (If I say so myself, wink, wink), so what is there not to love?

My concern is I am thinking of including him in a very personal part of my life. I am not sure if this will intense his feelings for me, or make him obsessive or change towards me. Sometimes men feel like they are entitled to certain things after a certain period of time, I am reconsidering that. I plan on giving the man I care for a permanent position in my life and I want him to be that "everything" me. Maybe I should leave things as is.......until further notice.

Spring

I love the Spring. It is a time of new beginings, fresh starts and getting rid of what's old. I love the fact that my daughter was born in the Spring she gave me a new life. My second daughter will be born in the Summer and she will change my life. I enjoy how the earth naturally gives you and itself what it needs, it's the order of life.

I never thought that after 15 years that I would have another child. I guess somewhere deep I always wanted one, and as you release your thoughts the universe process them into existance. As shocked as I was, I am more than overjoyed. Two girls that will take care of me and each other, spread my love to their children and continue this legacy of love that began with me. For that I am thankful.

I guess you are wondering after all these blogs on singlehood and dating, who could the father be? It is that guy. That long-term guy that I still do not want to marry or get serious with. He's just not worthy. He played his part and here is where the scene closes. Some say so he was good enough to sleep with, have a baby, but not to marry or be with? Yes, he was good at what he did, but light weight in the brain. Superficial on every level, a fun 5 year romp! What else can I say, but be honest with him, you can't turn a lame into a man, and that's that.

Am I worried about finding someone to be with on the long term or committment level? Nah, that area has never been a problem for me, it's just a matter of choosing who will fit that area of my life and be great for my children. My children are the most important aspect of my life. Besides, I am a good girl, (except when I go bad) and there are positive men in my life that are dear and close friends who would make great father figures, uncles and god-fathers, no worries here. The birth of my daughter will just make me more careful about my choices. Take a good look a the whole package as opposed to a part of it. (Even though it may be the part I enjoy the most:).

Smooches