Yes!...I think.

Ok. the weekend is here and I am at home. I am at home for several reasons, but the main reason is because I need some time to myself. My ole' faithful is out of town and I ended up parlaying with one of my friends in a different kind of way.

First let me share this. My ole' faithful wants to take this relationship to another level,which explains the dinner and some real quality time. I am like what? Has this man turned over a new leaf? I am not sure that this what I want from him. Can a purely sexual relationship turn into a true loving committed relationship? I am not sure. Now, of course I have love for this guy, he is very sweet. But we both made it clear from the start, because I had recently broke off an engagement when we meet and he was going through a divorce, we never thought about being more than what we needed at that time. Since we made such a connection in bed and in conversation, we have remained friends, but now as a couple? My brains is not making the connection. That is all I see him as, my on call lover/friend/homie, I guess if I think about it, that's the shit you want your relationship to be made of, right?. He has been completely happy with that title. There has never been any complaints, well, there was one incident where I faked on him, and he got a little upset, but what more could he say. He had to get over it! I will definitely have to give some thought to that.

Anyway, so back at the ranch. I went out with one of my friends of 5 months. We talk every now and then. You know, short conversations, a couple of how ya doings? then maybe dinner and a drink, but never anything more. Well, this particular night he invited me over to his house. Since I had never been there, I was kind of sceptical, but then he had not shown any "crazyman" tendencies, so I went over. We ended up having some of the best sex for the first time. I mean for the first time it was the best sex. It was surprisingly good. Now, just to give you an idea of what this guy looks like. He is 6'4", medium build, brown eyes, and skin so dark that you could lick him and I would swear he would taste like chocolate. I almost slept on this dude because of his cockiness. And I am not too found of men who call me "sweetie pie" and "lil' mama. Well, now I know that he knows I am a big girl and more than sweet. The only thing is, he went from calling me two or three times a month to texting me more than three times a day. Ladies, I laid it on him. My ole' faithful finally has some competition, but what do I do now since it seems like he's catching feelings?

I am home tonight. I am thinking of all my friends all in different ways. I do not know who I will see next, I do know that I will need some special attention when I do. It's almost the end of the summer, and since I always think ahead, who will I be snugged up with for the winter?

IS there really a "ONE"?

I have thought about this subject so many times. I have gone over and over in my head that I have so many needs that there has to be more than one. At this point in my life, they can't be just one. He just would not understand.

I do believe that there is one that may come in life at a time when all you really want is one. Which sometimes I wish people would wait on, instead of marrying and cheating. It is very hard for the human body to contain itself to one being. It's almost unnatural. That's why marriage is so sacred. It takes work, commitment and that can be very hard. God knew that it would be very hard to do. Temptation......can I write it again....temptation. We all fall prey to it sometimes, some more often than others.

I am dating and I like the men I see. I like him more than I like him, but for different reasons. I enjoy them. Sometimes, I pick their brains to weed out the weak from the strong. You need to be real strong to ride this ride (handsome, intelligent, rider etc). I like to be able to be your friend and enjoy your company before anything physical goes on. However, if you are one of those dick slanging dudes who go around talking about how good you are in bed, and cannot perform, then you will be left on the side wondering what happened to your dick because I took ait and left. Or better yet, what didn't happen. Being my friend first would at least get you a second round.

Anyway, remember when I said that I cut off ole' boy after four years. Well, I have not found a suitable replacement and guess what? Yeah, exactly, tell you about that later. I was kinda seeing this dude. I thought he was handsome, clean, not as tall as I like, but I thought we could probably be friends. When we talked he talked about sex almost all the time. Now, I do not mind talking about sex. I enjoy that area of my life thoroughly, but this dude apparently has a strong liking for blow jobs. Hmmmmmmmm, I thought. Maybe he also has the equipment, but no. He failed miserably. I was so sorry, he was a good kisser, and maybe someone I could kick it with after one of my drunken nights, but not on the regular...damn!!! Which is why I immediately ran to my old faithful. I was like a dope fiend looking for crack, I had to have him and of course, he was available and ready. He even made me dinner which was a little different and confessed some things I did not know, which now has me a little confused, but I'll tell you about that later. So yes, I broke the chains, and he broke me off!

Ok. getting back to the topic at hand. The "One". I am happily dating these men, and basically getting what I want whenever I want it from each one of them. Let me tell you, it's not all sexual. One is good for dinners, movies, plays etc. The other conversation, a wild ride, or a fun night out partying (he's VIP everywhere!). And since I went back to my ole' faithful, he will be the acting supplier of my vagina needs, until I find a comparable replacement. I do not lie or deceive any of them. I make it a point that I am open to having a committed relationship if that just happen to happen, but I am dating other people. For some reason that just makes them want me more. Makes him want to do more than the other. Men are so competitive anyway, so why not be the "prize" they are fighting for. I respect each one of them,, so there is never any drama in my life. Every now and again, I may have to remind one of them that there is no ring on this finger, and I do as I please if you would like to step then stage left! Other than that. There is nothing buy pure adult love and I am enjoying every minute of it.

It is possible that at some point one of these lucky beau's will be the one for me. He will be the one that I commit to and love for the rest of my life. I will not be one of those women that say's that they did not do everything I wanted to do before I got married because I am doing it. I also know that I am an even better woman when I have a soldier on my team to ride with me. I will be in a happy marriage, a union made of nothing but the best of what two people can give each other.

Make Love not War!!!!!!!

Follow Up...

Yes, he is my friend. Yes, no one else compares. Yes, he makes every man I ever had look like wimps. It's amazing when you meet "the one", it changes your life.

The *uck Stops Here!

For the last four years I had one of the most craziest affairs ever. It was an affair with a man who was very attractive, kind and from time to time a bit Corny. He made me laugh, had incredible sex and was always there when I needed some.

When I meet him, I had just broken off my engagement. He was the longest rebound relationship that anyone could ever have. There is one thing you do not do in a rebound relationship and that is fall in love. Because when your heart mends, your vision gets clear and your swag comes back, you'll soon find that all you had was a rebound relationship,and God forbid if you just happen to get married.

Let me paint a clearer picture of this relationship and why it had to end. During this four year period, it was not all consistently. We would see each other mostly when we wanted to have sex. The first poetry piece that I wrote him, indicated that this "affair" would come to an abrupt end to which nor he or I would expect. I knew then exactly what I was getting into. Which brings me back to a conversation that a co-worker and I was having four years prior. She had been in a relationship for about three years and even though she was currently happy with her beau,she knew that she would never marry him. At the time, I thought, then why spend so much time with this man, what's the purpose? Fast forward four years and now I know.

There are some men who serve a certain purpose in your life for a period of time. Like any relationship that starts, it can also come to an end. The thing that brought you together is no longer required so it's time to move on. This man was who I saw between little relationships that I had here and there. Like the dick you keep in the glass case and break in case of an emergency. Except, I broke the case along time ago, so now I just grab it. Although I have not been in a committed relationship in a while, I always found my way back to his bed. That's all I wanted then and that was all I was getting now. Until one day it dawned on me, that I wanted more from a relationship and in order to get that I would have to cut off all the strings that I had with people who had "served their purpose". Normally, I would not cut a person off this way, but since we really never took the time to become friends, in my mind all I was cutting off was his dick. (No pun intended) There was the expression of love every now and then, but having love "for" is definitely different than being in love. So when it was time for me to completely free myself from the willing chains that this man seemed to have on my "tinkerbell" it was not as easy as I thought. There were several levels to this departure.

The first level was telling him. Like most men, he heard what he wanted to hear. In his mind what I said I did not mean and I just needed sometime. Two weeks went by, and yes I was back in his bed. Sweating, panting, loving what he's doing to me as if I never said anything at all.

The second level was telling him again. Another few weeks went by, and in one of my drunken stumpers, called him and came over after a night of partying. That time was a matter of convenience. And being made love to, until I felt like I ran a marathon was the convenience fee.

The third and final level, was telling him again this time in person. Although we ended up making love again, this time he said something that completely threw me off. While he flipped me over and laid it on me from the back he whispered softly in my ear, "I will always fuck you, even when you get married". At that very moment all the excitement left of my body. I knew then that this was indeed the last rump in the hay. Did he really think that I would forsake my vows to come over and let him take part in my tinkerbell that was not even his tinkerbell in the first place? Ahhhh hell to the naw! Nobody got off that night. I looked him in the eyes and said, you think so?

That was the last time I saw him. I stopped answering his phone calls, and text messages. He's probably still wondering what happened, it's not like he was not warned. If you ever find yourself in a relationship that is no longer making you completely happy, then move on. There is no need to keep at something that is not worth keeping at. Even if it is just sex, money, or his freaky fetish, whatever your motivation for being in the relationship is, if it's not working, don't compromise your happiness. But if you want a relationship that is worthwhile, it's better to become friends first, take your time to get to know him or her, real love will follow when you're ready.

LOVE RULES