Thursday, May 20, 2021

So I have Options....





I used to think nothing of the skills and abilities that I was given.  I could do so many things, with all the gifts that I was given I thought everyone had them.  But, it was not until I got older did I understand the silent hate, from my admirers.  The hidden enemies, and what envy was all about.  I am GIFTED and they saw it long before I did.  So instead of shying away from all that I've been given.  I am going to AMP it up!   I am embracing it all and showing it all off because  I was given options.

I've never been jealous of anyone or felt the need to be envious or compete.  That emotion was left on the back burner when I realized that I could have and be anything that I wanted.  I went as far as testing my ability to overcome obstacles without making them the problem of others.  I owned my mistakes and kept it moving.  I did not feel the need to call a thousand people to confirm my feelings.  From the pain I've endured, I've built a solid foundation of love exclusively for me.  Unbothered by your thoughts, but I know I will forever be on your mind.  It's crunch time and the tables have turned.  What was, is no longer and new beginnings are all over me, and you too if you choose.

I've died and lived several times over, so what you've tried to do I've done and will do it again.  The many lives you've lived are starting to show in your skin, wrinkled from the bend.  You've got to get up real early. I am five x five x ten x two and every day I am born again. So I win again.

I am a late bloomer, so I see it from the back. I'll  Bring it back from the future, so baby please, relax.  I am here to do something different. Something you can feel for eternity.

So I have options.

The Relationship Talk Podcast Raw & Uncut


Lavidus.....


Sunday, May 2, 2021

Penis- A Long Story Short


Since the age of 15 I have been looked at like a sexual object. I have never been one to long for attention from anyone because I have always had it. That's probably why growing up I was such a severe introvert and extremely shy. So now as an adult instead of shying away from being in the spotlight, and ignoring all the attention I get, I welcome it with caution and gratitude.


I used to get real embarrassed by compliments and the stares of men, now I have a better understanding of the female and male dynamics.  There is nothing wrong with being admired. I am a very grounded person and never let any of that go to my head.    Sometimes I flirt, but for the most part I accept the compliments and keep it moving. Now that I have learned that men are more visual creatures and are attracted most to what they see and not necessarily by what they can get, I play with that visual. And fantasy goes a lot further than the reality.

What I find most interesting is when a man offers me his sexual prowess. Of course, he does not right out say it, but what he does do is little things to let me know that he is proud of his ding-a-ling and would like to share it with me. He will say things like, “I miss you”,  even though we’ve only meet a few weeks ago. “You are sexy”, which is something I hear almost every day, but because it’s coming from him, he thinks it’s special. (You would be special if you were mine).  If those compliments do not work, the approach will get more direct.  He will start to talk about how he satisfies in bed and it's a guarantee that I will reach the mountain top! (I have been there several times by myself, so please, any new tricks?)  Usually when a guy has a big ding-a-ling they don’t brag too much, if he had the chance and I should just wait and see. He will just go that extra mile to make his ding-a-ling look a little more appealing than the next man.  Sort of like a human advertisement and his dick is what's being marketed. He will spend more time talking about the sex he wants to have, while I am thinking about the sex he may never get. It’s always comforting to know that when he say's we are two consenting adults, and that we grown, yeah, and 18 year is an adult too, and can do whatever, but does that make it ok? If I hear anything close to having sex on the first date, It's a turn Off.(Panties ON!)

Even if I am the sexiest woman you ever seen, or if you are in the presence of the most sexiest woman you've ever seen, please control yourself, try not to be so obvious. A little mystery keeps me thinking, because if I give it to you the first night, there won't be many other nights, I am tellin' ya!  If I develop a relationship with your penis…I might call and ask where it is, or wonder why it has more personality than you, but it will not get you the committed, satisfying, loving, and mentally stimulating relationship that women like me prefer.  

If a guy has a small pee-wee, then he will kill his self to go down on you, that way you won't be so disappointed in what comes next. If you have a small penis and can't eat, then you are just fucked and expect to be cheated on regularly.  If you can eat, then so what? A woman wants to be fucked every now and then.  Well maybe some don't, I guess I better speak for myself. Sorry, not my rules! But You better have some other fantastic thing you  do, so she can forget about what she won't be getting.

Just a bit of advice...A woman like me can get any ding-a-ling she wants. And if I was interested in women that would be a wrap too.  If I choose to have yours then it's your lucky day, you better be able to bring it! It does not matter how big your penis is, ( and I say that lightly…lol) how well you work it, how long you can last, how well you hit it, or how many positions you get get into, if I don't love you, or feel some kind of attraction, or mental connection, then to me and any others, it will be just a fuck.  And since my "it’s just a fuck" days are over.  BE WARNED! Be clear about your intentions. I will not call you asking for more, I will not answer my phone unless  I feel like it. You will not change the way I feel about you because I will only have developed a relationship with your dick. You are better off spending time with me and getting to know me, that way if the sex is a little lousy, I'll be willing to take the time to show you what really gets me off. So, if you come at me with just your penis to offer then the conversation and the relationship will be very, very short, no matter how long your dick is.

Ok?   Toodles…. Love YOU..

 (Original Post was written over 11 years ago, The Beginning of MySelf )

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Saturday, May 1, 2021

Black-The Little Book


"Stella! where are my keys? I am late!

How many times has he been late? How many times has he asked me for keys that I do not use? How many times do I always know where they are, so I reluctantly point in that direction?

“Thanks, don’t wait up.”

Don’t wait up? Why does he say that?  I have not waited up for years. But of course, he didn’t notice.  He never notices.  I have literally become invisible to him and for that I am thankful.  I used to long for his attention, but now I know that this was just a marriage of convenience, no love.  It was a hard realization, but one that also has freed me.  So, when he leaves, I play Black.

Black is a game that myself and other women who are in dead end marriages play.  Each week, we pay to play for our freedom from our mundane lives that are on repeat.  Day in and out we are serving our self-serving husbands.  Some of us believed that we were getting our prince charming or our knight in shining armour, only to wake up to Bob the Barbaric asshole.  It was a necessary route to take and worth the risk of our lives.   Each prize was different, we had no idea what the prize would be but for some, once you get it, it has delivered complete freedom along with a new life and identity.  Something that I am desperate for. 

Our players consisted of Zeena, Marjorie and me.  Zeena is the leader.  She has the highest score and has been playing the longest.  She has been married to Stan, banker, millionaire and theft for over ten years and she is almost on her way out.  Last game she came so close to the prize that we all were cheering for her. He married Zeena to hide his other affairs.  She was his fifth wife, and she was sold the story of riches and unlimited credit cards, only to find out that she is being held captive to be used at his disposal.

Then it was Marjorie.  Marjorie’s husband is considered a wealthy man, but he only spared her a hundred dollars a week allowance, while he spent millions on cars and other women.  He promised her children and the America dream, only to realize that her beauty would used as a reference that he referred to during fundraisers and auctions.   Two years ago, Marjorie tried to commit suicide, but the contract with her husband did not allow her to, so she became a member of the game Black, she saw it as her only way out.

Lastly, it was me.  My name is Stella.  I met my husband at a business conference in Milan.  I have been married to my husband for five years, I was the assistant to his boss.  He only married me to get inside information, once the information was got and he took over the company, our marriage was over. So, here I am waiting to play Black. It was thousands of us, and everyone needed to be logged in, in order to reap the maximum benefit. We knew that if one of us could get through the maze to the Black Book and find out the secret inside, it could be the key to all our freedom.

Zeena had been playing the longest, so we let her take the lead.  Once inside the game you had to tell the truth about your marriage or whatever it is that you are running from.  There were several people running from different things, but there was only one direction you could run into in order to receive the ultimate prize and that was in the direction of the Black Book. 

Several had failed before us.  There were some women, who we never heard from again.  We do not know if they were able to get free or met their doom.  The unknown was the risk, whatever the fate, it would be worth it. Waking up to a stranger is no longer appealing.  I want an emotional connection and not just with my pet.  His neglect has made me stronger, one day I will be free, and I will not look back.

We were all inside the maze and it was go time!  Each corner of the maze was met with a question of whether we loved our husbands or not. Testing our loyalty and out ability to think fast.  The obvious answer would be yes, we loved our husbands, but could you still answer yes, if you knew he was a lying sac of balls?   One wrong answer and you were out of the game, so the truth had to be the truth, even when it was a lie.

 It was good to have aliases who could see where you could not. Maneuvering through the maze was quite tedious.  In some areas you had to run from his mother and x-girlfriends.  On other levels, you had the option of dating his father or brother.  On each level there were obstacles put in your way, but once you make it to the Black level, then the real fun begins. 

The Black level is where you can choose your fate as long as it is in alignment with your true destiny.   If you are not aligned, you will have to start over and repeat the level again.  It was more about yourself and your intentions with whatever you found in the Black Book.  What you found in the Black Book was rooted in your hidden desires, so it was different for everyone.

Beeeeep! Beeeeep! Beeeeep!  was the sound that was made when a player was getting close to the Black Book.  The alarm was the sound of heaven.  It informed everyone that someone was close to the Black Book and their freedom was nearby.  I looked up and it was Marjorie in first place, she was heading for the Back Book and we all watched in awe.

There it was the Black Book in all it’s shining glory, I was just a few feet away and with only one question left to paradise.   I could taste my freedom; it was so close. The black leather was shiny, the ridges were perfectly made and bonded to perfection.  There was a slight glow around the book. I was hesitant to touch it, but the last question, through me for a loop.  “Do you love yourself?”  Do I love myself, what the hell?  Yes!  I love myself.  Yes, I finally love myself.  When I reached out to the black book it began to sizzle.  A slight fog came from the edges.  It began to float in the air and spin in circles.  It looked like a helicopter, getting ready for take-off.  The book flew opened with a great force; a soft warm wind pierced my skin.  The light inside was shining so bright, I could no longer see what was in front of me.  Then, suddenly, I was sitting on a pile of money.  I looked around me and it was all green. It seemed as if I had been transported to another life.  I looked up and the sky was pink.  I looked down and there was a note, “You’re sitting on twenty-thousand dollars use your freedom wisely.”

Written By LL Walton


Original post can be found here:

Black | Viva (vocal.media)

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UPDATE:

As some of you may know all of my social media accounts have been hacked. If you receive text or calls from my phone or email it not have be...