When I hear some women say, "I signed up for this" or 'I knew what I was getting into." What exactly does that mean? Is that your way of accepting any kind of treatment in a marriage or relationship because you have grown to know that person? And since you have been with them for so long, you have learned to accept and condone their bullshit? Correct me if I am wrong, I am seeking understanding.
I've seen a lot of women, do a lot of things for the sake of marriage. For the sake of marriage. Not for love, not for self-respect, not even for the sake of their children; but for the constitution of marriage. She will endure a miserable life because the other option would be how she would look to other people if her marriage failed. Saving face is more important than making the decision to live your best life.
Many women endure horrible marriages because of what it looks like to other people. They bear and grin it when their husbands have outside children, concubines, or even when he has shown you the highest level of disrespect> You hold on because that is your husband. That ring and contract say that you have to stay, or does it? Are you happy with your contract? Are you fulfilled and supported? Is he fulfilling his end of the contract? Or since you know him, you know he won't completely fulfill all your needs and that you'll probably never be completely happy, so it's enough to get by. There is a level of comfort and complacency that develops and becomes the norm. The real problems get pushed under the rug and the perception of how things are becomes what is real.
Sometimes you have to be strong enough to choose you. Which is what I did once my husband decided to abuse me. All it took was one hit. My strength to leave came from the fact that I had seen my mother get abused; for eight years she stayed. So imagine what I learned about abusive relationships? Sorry, doesn't mean it will stop, a gift doesn't mean it will stop, money doesn't mean it will stop. So it was a no-brainer to leave and get my marriage annulled after one hit. I choose me. And I will continue to, until the day I die. Not all abuse is physical, words can be deadly, neglect can be deadly,
Choose you just on the strength of wanting to be the best you. Choose you based on the fact that you deserve the best of everything. Choose you so, your daughters can see you being strong. Choose you so that your sons, know how to treat a woman. Choose you selfishly, how else can you give to the world? How else can you become strong and deal with all the battles we must face. You have to know yourself and give to yourself. Be kind and gentle with yourself. We become nothing to ourselves when we give so much to outside things. We never get to know who we are because the face we show to the world, is not the face we see in the mirror. Learn to choose you, you will feel so much better being a mom, being a wife, a sister, being husband, being a brother, being a man; but most of all for being completely unapologetically you.
Peace & Love
Twitter: @LLWriter
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Photo credit: The Carra House
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