Charles, Oscar and Trayvon......

What can we learn?

It has taken awhile for me to write about the case of Trayvon Martin.  My heart has been heavy from watching the case, hearing the debates, the outcries of many and the unfortunate act itself.   It was not long ago that we heard those same cries for Oscar Grant, another young man, gunned down.  But my heart is heaviest for my cousin who lost his life just a few months ago.  The parents of those children have lost a son, an irreplaceable son.

I can only imagine the pain of losing a child, it has to be an incurable state that lingers, because there is no replacement, a permanent loss, one that cannot be explained.   It is the empathy of a nation that feels for those parents.  For me, it has been the empathy for my auntie, who is handling this with strength, and with the love of her daughter’s.  Trayvon’s parents were blessed to have two sons, which does not make the tragedy any less tragic, but my aunt lost her only son.   It is clearly an injustice, but not just for them, but for our whole nation.  We all have lost a son. 

But how many sons do we need to lose in order to realize that we are more alike than different?  How long will we let our fears be the catalyst that kills us?  It makes you hold your child a little longer, talk a little bit more, spend  a little more time actually being a parent.  It’s a shame to think that this could happen to any of our children.  If we close our eyes to see, we are all the same.  It is our open eyes that fool us to believe otherwise.   It’s not that we fear the other person so much, but what we are, who we are and what we become when faced with the unknown.  There is no kindness or understanding in fear. 

It’s obvious there is a lot missing in a society that says it’s ok to kill what you don’t understand.  To blame with no accountability for your own actions.   If you take away our men, you take away the pillars of this nation, the creators, and the builders.   You force mothers to become more than their role requires, and again to raise our sons.  A resilient race we are, but how many times do we have to prove it?

There are a lot of Mr. Zimmerman’s in the world, colorless men who are trying to find their place, find their identity, and confirm it through malicious acts; but there are more of us who will stand and correct.  Stand with love and not fear, correct with a firm tone and set you on the right path.  We must become what we desire for our children, and for this nation.   Seek understanding and love.  Try traveling outside what is comfortable for you and embrace our differences, we all have something to learn and everything to gain when we are united. The fight is the common thread that connects us all, let’s not ever give up on teaching, sharing and most of all loving.

Today, do something for someone else that does not look like you, shake a hand, or just say hello. Educate through example.

Let’s break down this wall of fear!!!

 Peace & Love Ya’ll

 L.L Walton

Single.....And then What?

It was important for me to be single because I had issues! Real life, real fucking issues...point, blank period!  Yes, I can admit that because I am ok with being perfectly imperfect. 

I had issues that needed to be addressed through self love, honesty and then growth.  I have always been very aware of my existence.  Although I have often tried to immulate the love I needed as a child through other areas, like over compensating, valuing material things, and being overly independent, those "things"  did not fill that hole in my life.  No matter what you are missing, it always comes out in one form or another, and if you never address it, it becomes a lingering unfulfilled desire, it does not go away.  When I became an adult, I decided to no longer blame, but seek truth.  My happiness, my way of living, my joy is and has always been my responsibility, so I claimed it.

Often we are consumed by outside sources, the expectation of what our parents, friends, society wants for us or what they believe is best for us.  Some people fall into that trap because they are afraid of what people will think, or what things "look" like.  Do you know how many people are living the life that someone else wants for them? False identity becomes their truth.  I have never been one to let the experiences of others determine how I should live my life. It's my life, what works for you may not work for me, hence my decision to post pone marriage.  There is a freedom of being, a freedom of accepting yourself and loving what you see.  It makes you shine.  And I always shine.

There have been moments in my life that supported my decision to wait, like broken engagements, death, and just plain not being ready.  And besides, I've  never been  the average, typical woman, who felt marriage was the goal of my life.  I looked at it as an option and not a necessity.  And I had a lot of questions.  For instance,  why is the divorce rate at 50%,?   Why do they fail? What is the real reason people are getting married, is anyone really ready?   Is it just for the title of husband and wife?  And why are married people cheating like crazy?   Is it just about finding a person who can deal with your shit?  One thing I do know, if you go into any kind of relationship and you are not on one accord with the other person, you are bound to have problems, for a long time.  Plus, men take so long to grow up, I never had the patience to wait.  Along, with my search for answers, I also found my fear, I did not want to fail at marriage.   I am very clear about who I am, my worth, and what it is I want from a man.  I knew too well about what I didn't want in a marriage, so I changed my thinking and focused on what I wanted. 

Learning self is the greatest freedom. Learn to trust yourself and follow what you believe. Live your own life, and never let anyone determine your future, it takes courage to do your own thing.  But always remember, it's your life!  I would never impose how I live onto someone else, but people do it all the time, and try to make you feel like something is wrong with you because you haven't did what they have done or followed their plan for you.   Get over yourself! Most people are faking it and you want me to join that?  I often laugh when people want you to buy into their bullshit and when you don't,  they get mad, really?  Your opinion only matters if I accept what you think about me as my existence, and honey, I don't.

So as my journey continues into another phase in my life, I welcome the unknown.  I welcome sharing this adventure, with my best friend, lover and confidant.  There is nothing greater than taking a ride on a roller coaster with someone who you love and trust.........I am ready.

Interviewing the Employer

It is often not recommended for an potential employee to speak badly about an previous employer, especially in an interview.  However, there is also a lot to be said about the employer who speaks badly about an previous employee.  There is a reason why you are being interviewed for this new position, and if you ask the right questions, you might get an idea about the culture of the organization you are entering.

It's very easy to research an organization, find out their mission statement, and the jest of what the organization does, but wouldn't it be lovely to know up front if your boss will be an jerk,  micro-manages, if the longest employee is also the unhappiest or find out who reports all you do to management, even though they are not a manager.

These and others would probably be impossible  to find out without actually speaking to the previous employee, unless you know someone that is already within the organization,  and that sometimes is not an reliable source, however, there is a way that you can get a better idea about the inside, without actually being on the inside, and that's by asking the right questions.

These are my recommendations:

1.  Why is this position open and how long has it been vacant?
     Since the economy has been in a serious drought that may be the reason that an organization has not filled a position over a long period of time. If the position has been vacant for 3 months or more, then the employee that received the extra work is either at their wits end or is going to quit.  Depending on the position, expect to enter a environment that may be a bit tense with a heavy work load.  You will be expected to make up 3 or more months of work in a very short period of time.
If the previous employee quit unexpectedly then you can expect things to be unorganized.   If there was an absence of job sharing, there may not be too many people who know exactly what the previous person's job was beyond the job description.

2.  What would your previous employee say about you?
     Some employers often ask this question about the previous manager or co-workers, but you can turn it around and ask it of the potential employer.  They will not expect it, which makes it even more of a valid question, whether they answer honestly or not will depend.  If the position is open because the previous employer retired, then the employer would more than likely share that information, but if the employer quit due to the workload, office bullying or some other justifiable reason, then it may be a difficult question for them to answer. Either way, how they answer will give you an idea of what they will expect of you.

3.   How do you handle conflict within the office?
      An employer may or may not have an answer for this particular question for one of two reasons.  Either conflicts happens, but upper management never hears of it or there is an open policy which allows any employee who is experiencing conflict to openly speak about it with management.  Sometimes the conflict can be handled between the people that are involved, but depending on the environment of the office, there may be a known conflict, but there is no discussion about it, which could potentially leave the office tense and the issue unresolved. 

You want to know that you are in an environment that fosters open discussion about any conflict you may be experiencing.  Having an potential employer that shows interest in not only the bottom line, but your well being is what you are looking for.

I believe when you are in an interview you should also take the time to interview the potential employer.  The days of loyalty between company and employee is becoming an extinct concept.  If you are interested in making a commitment beyond just a paycheck then it may be worth it to know what you are getting yourself into.





L.L. Walton, Is an author with a degree in Organizational Leadership and has spent several years working in Human Resources and as a Recruiter.  She is also the author of Please Don't Date Me-100 Reasons Why and upcoming book, SHAME, Love, Lies & Lust

When I Wake Up.......

When I wake up in the morning he is my first thought.  He is the better half that keeps me going even on my roughest days.  He caters to my needs, and anticipates my wants, a real man that provides and protects.
This is the love that I knew existed, the love that could only capture a woman like me.  I've played around with a few, tested the grounds, but none could compare or walk in the shoes of what I have found to be true.
I protect it, I admire it, I enjoy it, I savor it, because it is my love, never to be tainted by outside minors.  Or those who wish they knew.
My King who clearly acknowledges that I am his Queen.  A man that is clear and confident in the what he brings.  We are one, unified by God and blessed by the Universe, who knew, this could be so great.  In so many ways, I did.  When you know who you are, love what you are, you attract what you are, because you can't keep what you ain't.
Thank you my love, for being what I needed, thank you for accepting me as I am, and most of all, thank you for believing and adding to my amazing life, that has only become more amazing because of you.
When I wake up in the morning, he is my first thought.

LLW