5 Ways to Ruin a Relationship

These days trying to keep a relationship together can be tedious. There are so many things to consider when dating.  The likes and dislikes, the ups and downs and just communicating can seem daunting. Things which can sometimes be simple, become way too complicated.

When we enter a relationship, we are happy we look forward to seeing each other and everything is peachy. We call each other when we say we are and we plan to see each other a regular basis. We are in sync and communicating with each other seems effortless. But then something happens. Somewhere along the line things start to get a little twisted and off balance. I call, you won't answer. I call again, and you still won't answer. I am busy when you're free and vice-versa. All the love in Pleasantville has gone down to the alley in Horrorville and you can't figure out what happened or maybe you can.

If you have done one or all of these things then you may be the culprit in helping in the demise of your relationship.

1. NEEDY: No one really likes to be with someone who needs them all the time. It is a sign of insecurity and needing constant validation is not a good look. Have a life or get one real quick.

2. OVER COMPENSATE: Sometimes it's really hard not to show someone how much you like them. I suggest you just do it all in moderation. Giving too much too soon, will ultimately lead to getting taken advantage of, walked over and used. If you are not up for all that, please stop, learn to take a little.

3. LIE'S: Starting a relationship with an untruth will lead to more untruth's. Soon you will be dancing to the tune of "liar, liar, pant's on fire". Just don't do it. In order for someone to get to know you, you must be completely honest about who you are. And if you are not sure who you are, stay single until you find out.

4. CHEATING: No one likes to be betrayed. If you have agreed on being exclusive with each other, then be just that. If the discussion has never come up, please don't leave your exclusivity to assumptions, people get hurt that way. The only thing you can assume is that you both are still on the market.

5. FRIENDS: Not everyone is going to be happy because you are happy in your relationship, not even your dearest bestes of friends, especially if he or she is single. Keep your relationship details between you and your mate. Having frequent discussions with other people regarding your relationship will only lead to misinformed advice and you back to being single.

Peace & Love

Black Girls Rock!

This past weekend I had the honor of hanging out with my teenage daughter. Since the birth of her little sister our daughter dates have become far and few in between, so this weekend I made sure it was all about my daughter, Imani Special Lee.

We began the weekend with going to see "Colored Girls", which was a very moving movie that said about a lot about women in relationships, love, adversity and finding themselves. Although my daughter has had what seems like a peachy upbringing, this does not leave her exempt from the obstacles that life can throw at you. Sometimes the things that life throws at you, wake you up or make you change your direction. Whatever the case there is no real way you can be prepared, you just have to be prepared to learn the lesson.

We then got up early Saturday morning to walk in the Caribbean Sounds 5K Walk for Sascoidosis research. The lesson: Always give,always serve and always give a hand to the person that needs it the most. We live in a individualistic society. Rarely are people helping each other; there is, however plenty of let's see how much I can get for less. The it's let's compare toys. It's all the root of insecurity, because no one can really compete,so it becomes an endless strive for an unreachable place to nowhere. My daughter said to me even though it was grueling for her to get up on a Saturday, she was glad she went. She felt good for doing something for someone else.


On Sunday night we ended the weekend by watching BET's "Black Girls Rock!". I wanted to us to watch this to further give examples of what she can do. My daughter and I have always had conversations ever since she was able to talk. I make sure that she understands that her opinion matters and that she has the power to have the life that she dreams of. To love herself and never seek completion through a man, drugs or the approval of others. A complete life begins with the love for yourself. There is no one on the planet who can give you what you can, they can only add to what you feel about yourself. I teach her to live with no fear, explore life and move to the beat your own drum.

I know my daughter hears me and although often my rants may sound like blah, blah, blah to her, my hope is that one day she will remember what I shared with her. I learned a lot from my daughter as well. I learned that she is growing into a very intelligent and caring young lady. She loves people and wants the best for everyone. With all the things that my daughter could be involved in as a teenager, today, like most days, I am proud of her. The things I shared with her regarding my life and how I prevail even through the darkest of nights. It's possible. When you defy what people think of you, you soon realize that they never mattered in the first place.

Kiss your daughters,Peace & Love

Voted! And then some.............

Hello, Good morning, Buenos Dias, Hola, it is Tuesday, November 2nd and I hope you went out there and gave your.2 cents because it matters!

Alrighty then!

It is that time of the year when the holidays are coming near and the end of this year is ending as well. I am still single (meaning not married;)). Although I am not sad to report that, I am however just appalled at the length men will go to do absolutely nothing. Well, maybe not, but anyway. I am a lot happier. The move gave me freedom of mind, the girls are growing and healthy. My first book has been published and life just looks a lot rosier these days. Things can only get better so I am looking forward to the new year.

I meet a man about a year ago. We would often see other out at the local bar. He seemed like a nice guy and physically he was delicious; tall, dark chocolate, chiseled face with big hands (j/k). When we eventually talked he told me he thought I was stuck-up (Imagine that) and that I had a man somewhere. I also found out later through numerous conversations with him, that he also thought I was "out of his league". Huh? Now this is a man whom even though we exchanged phone numbers never really called. He would be excited to see me at the bar and how he always talks about me, but thought I was too busy to be bothered with him. Now, I thought about how he just basically just convinced himself that he didn't deserve me and made no effort to confirm it. I also thought about how many men feel that way about a woman? How they may like someone and believe she would probably never talk to them for reasons they made up in their head. Although I believe that if you convince yourself that you don't deserve something or someone, you're probably right, but you must take a chance.

If there are moments in your life that you want to meet someone but you just admire them from afar or you think you don't deserve a chance, take a chance! You are curious and you want to know more about that person, so find out. I did something different by contacting a person whom I admire. That was different for me, real different, did I say how different that was? I did not wait for him to talk to me, maybe he too was playing that "I don't deserve mind game", as shy as I can be, I took a chance and you should too.

As far as me and that man, he let too much time pass us by. Although I did have a crush and it probably would have been a nice relationship, I am no longer interested. In this life you have to seize the opportunity and make the most of it or it will pass you by. I have moved my interest and curiosity to another suitor and now I am just enjoying the view.