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He Said...."I can't even get a date..Women on Women"

I had the pleasure of hanging out with some of my girlfriends over the weekend.  I barely get a chance to have these weekends because we all have our families, job's and everyday life and when you look up to take a breath, 6 months, a year or even two years or more have passed by.  So I jumped at the opportunity for us to all get together.

It was major traffic over the weekend , so I headed out early to get a jump on the madness.  Once I got to the restaurant, it was only about 4 or 5 people there,  two couples and a man sitting at the bar.  As I waited for my friends, I sat at the bar.  And as usual I started to check out the people that were there.  The couple across from me was an middle aged couple, it seemed as if they had been together for a while.  The man at the bar was an older and alone, maybe in his late 50's or 60's. And there was couple in the back who were not engaging each other, so this was either a first date or a date to figure some shit out, somebody was in trouble.  Shortly after, my friends all started to trickle in.  It was very hot in the restaurant, so we all decided to sit outside.  As we were passing the older man, he says, "That's the reason I can't get a date, all women are dating each other".   We all kept on walking because we knew he was not talking about us.  But as we gathered outside we noticed the couple and him looking at us, assuming we were all lesbians.  The thought made me laugh, but it also made me think of the state of some men, even at his age.  I wanted to go back in there and tell him that at your age, you are probably not getting dates because you are an asshole.  In your earlier life you probably saw women as some expendable accessory that you did not care much for, and karma is paying you back by having you sit here lonely at this damn bar.  But, I digressed and enjoyed my evening instead.

Not all women who sit together and talk about our lives are lesbians.  I love my girls, but I do not spend everyday on the phone with them, see them all the time or even go out with them all the time. There was a time where we would be all looking forward to the weekend to get dressed, go out and seek some boys to play with, clubbing, bar hopping or whatever, but that time has passed and the days spent thinking about the next event is far and few in between.  Now, we talk about our next business plan, serving the community, share stories of being a mom or wife.  And if I did have a friend who was a lesbian, we would talk about her life too.  None of which is the contributing factor as to why you are close to being a senior citizen and have no date.  That may have more to do with the energy you are sending out.  Blaming external things, the most visible and obvious beings on your short comings, is you not having accountability for your life. Now, I see why you are single, and a lot more men may just be heading your way.

I also thought about all the men that even at this age, spend a lot of their time with their homeboys, instead of pursuing a woman.  Isn't it the men who have the saying Bro's before hoe's, what does that really mean? You love your homies more than the company of a woman?  When you treat a woman as if she doesn't matter, when you really want one, it won't matter.  The fact of the matter is everyone wants to be loved, feel validated for their being.  But it's the age old saying everything begins and ends with you.  You can not expect a woman to be all that you deserve, when you are not what she deserves.  There is no fooling the energy you create, the truth has no shield and will always prevail in  matters of the heart.  So, if you find yourself a middle aged man or older, sitting at a bar, wondering why you can not get a date, think about how you have treated the one thing you desire the most.

Peace & Love

LLW

Mental Illness...... The Big Secret

How many people do you know with mental illness?

There may be more people than you think.  There are over 60 million people dealing with some kind of mental  illness whether it's bipolar depression, schizophrenia, panic disorders, obsessive-compulsive disorder and many others.  One of the most complex things about a person who is suffering with mental illness is that they more than likely never seek treatment for it and they are experts at hiding it.

When a person with mental illness reaches the breaking point, it is always a surprise to those around them because they hide it so well.  You will find a student who decides to shoot up a movie theater or go on a stabbing spree.  You will find fashion designer L'Wren Scott, Karyn Washington (founder of For Brown Girls) and Lee Thompson Young (actor)  all who committed suicide.  From the outside world those people tend to be living healthy, happy lives, the appearance of what they perceive is expected and accepted.  They are overly happy, overly accommodating, pretends to have knowledge about everything, over talks and over compensates.  The other extreme would be someone who was an extreme introvert, not social, no friends, a loner, then something triggers in their mental state, and they become desperate to change their situation and the solution is to either harm themselves and/or others.  There are some that have lived so well with the disease that they do not believe that anything is wrong, until their last move, becomes their final one.

There are mental illness' that pose a genetic risk.  If you grow up in a home with a parent who has a mental illness and never seeks treatment, then there's the possibility that there will be children that grow up with mental disease and never seek treatment, it creates a cycle.   A psychologist can determine the kind of mental illness a person has by evaluating their mental state and their ability to function in society.  Their history and their life exposure play an intricate part in determining the best solution. However, how many times have you heard a psychologist say that even with all of their sessions with a patient,  they almost never can predict when a person may self-destruct and decide to hurt themselves or others.  They never see that coming, and my question is why?

When a person decides to see a psychologist or a mental health expert, it should be a requirement to scan the brain to see its current state.  There has to be some kind of element that appears in the brain that would alert a psychologist that this person may be reaching their breaking point and when that breaking point is likely is to happen.  There has to be something in the brain that triggers an alarm that manifests the decision to self-destruct.

The brain is a very complex part of our body it is the energy that fuels us, the power tool that allows us to imagine what we want and catalyst to bring it all to life.  It's one of the most beautiful things about our brain, our imagination, it's pure energy.  If we can predict the outcome of a brain that may already be malfunctioning, we can further understand how to better cope and deal with mental illness.

There are too many homeless people with mental disease, too many children, too many of our veterans, just too many people who are suffering for it not to be further investigated.  I am not a doctor, but it is quite discerning to hear about deaths of people who have a disease that supposedly can be managed and treated.  Let's try to lessen the stigma associated with mental illness, people are afraid to come out the closet and admit that there may be something wrong.   You are not alone.

Peace & Love

Everyone Needs HELP......

In my dislike and amusement for people who are self-centered and selfish, I often think how the hell they got that way.  There are people who truly believe that all they have obtained in life they have done on their own.  I believe that it may have felt as if you were on your own, but there were places, people, forces of nature working in your favor to assist you in your journey.  If all you've done was solely for the purpose of you, why would you have the need to show it and be validated for it by other people?  Everyone needs help, assistance, or some kind of  giving catalyst that may make them feel better and go farther than before.

You had help getting here, someone carried you for seven to nine months and then someone helped you take your first earthly breath.  And for those of you who were born 5 and 6 months early, you just could not wait to get here to be of help to those you may come across.  You  may even serve a greater purpose than most who were allowed to savor those additional 4-5 months.  It's all quite magical and perfectly in sync with nature, God, the spirit and the true of essence of being.  But not everyone knows or have the capacity to think beyond what they see, what they are told or what they are taught.

When I speak in terms of helping I am not speaking about those people who do things for their own self gratification.  I am speaking in terms of those who do things for others not only because there is a need, but because they are moved to do so. Those are the people that are truly blessed, per say.  The ones that have an idea that it is not all about them, but us.  I have been helping people for as long as I can remember, but it was not with the thought that I am helping, it was with the intention of making someone feel better than before, to share what I have or to give them hope that all is not lost. It does not always have to be a tangible item or monetary thing. A conversation, a kind word, a hello, a compliment, a touch on the shoulder, a thank you or the holding of a hand, because you never know what a person is going through.

I remember once when my mother had taken me school shopping and I had a friend who did not have much.  I gave her some of my new clothes, she took them out of jealousy, but I gave them out of kindness.  When people feel that they have to take it is because they also feel that they are not worthy of having.  Or they can not get, and do not want you to have.  But the blessing is in giving not taking. The taker must always in turn become the giver.  In other terms, paying it forward.  Beware of takers who do the opposite. the people that will suck you dry, without nothing to offer in return.  The opportunist, the bottom-feeders they often find those who are willing to give sincerely and take advantage of their kindness, but also can serve the purpose to awaken the giver. 

Giving without expectation, helping out of sincerity and not notoriety.  The reward is helping someone not only when they ask, (most people who really need help do not ask) but giving when they least expect it, or when it moves you to do so.  Not everyone is so in tuned with the human spirit that they can feel a need from another person without them even saying it.  It's really a simple thing,  we are put on earth to serve and help each other, anyone who thinks they are alone in this vast world must be made to feel that they are not.  So the next time you feel the need, don't be afraid to ask someone, How can I help you?

Peace & Love, L

Are You a Friend or Foe?

I have been blessed with the ability to accept people as they are, without judging.  Unfortunately, that has allowed some people to enter into my life, who never deserved to be there in the first place.  I am too friendly, as some would say.  I can  not even have a simple conversation with a man, without him assuming that I want something from him or I have some ulterior motives.  Take a look at yourself, now look at me, why would you be that person?  I have never been a thirsty woman, or desperate for anything, especially when it comes to men. 

I can not complain that I allowed someone in my life who turned out to be less than a friend.  There was no one there who said that I should or shouldn't (well my real girls was like, really?) But it was my choice, so when they act as they are by being a backstabber, a person who can't be trusted, it should not have been  no surprise to me.  What made me think that being their friend would change them?  Silly me.  The wonderful thing about me is I am not friend "needy".  I have a few real friends, whom I trust and love and we share a true sisterhood of respect.  We enjoy conversation about our lives, loves, children, so when I invite an outsider into my circle and you betray that trust, there is no come back.  I will treat you the same, but from your life, I will disappear. No need to address an issue, no need to argue, or get all political about it.  Just know that I see you, and I believe what I see.

As I have gotten older, the people I call friends have diminished to associates, and the associates have become people I know.   How many of you can call your friend to cry, or vent or just let it all out, with no judgments and without hearing another version of what you shared from someone else?  The level of friendships that I am embarking upon are those made of love and acceptance.  Time out for being a catty woman, or jealous or envying someone else's life.  I love where I am, and love even more where I am going.  As time goes on, I will slowly invite you into my world.  It's an amazing place.

The lesson I have learned is, although I will continue to be my usual friendly self,  I will continue to accept people as they are, I will continue to respect and love those that I meet, however, I will not let anyone in my life that clearly do not deserve to be there.  It's important that you know who  is for you and who is pretending to be for you.  As I heard someone say, "Sometimes losing friends means that you are growing up."   I believe it creates room for those who really deserve to be there. 

It's a new year, and along with getting that new body, having a new or better relationships, starting that business, or making any kind of significant change, you have to get rid of the nonsense that serves no purpose.

Peace & Love, L

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Only One Life....So Live!

When I often think of the path that my life has taken, the choices that I have made and the way I have lived my life, the more comfortable I have become with accepting what it is.  This is my life, I only get one shot and I better make it the best shot ever.

I have always made decisions based on me.  It may have been a selfish way to live, but my life has been my responsibility.  My mistakes have been mine, I own them.  I am not a people pleaser.  I have been blessed with so many talents and gifts that I often lose my focus on what it is I really want.  All the things that I could be, have been replaced with all the things that I am and will be.  As I grow and become more accepting of what my life's path is, I am opening up and  loving  more of what I have become.  I am falling in love with my imperfections, as much as I am falling in love with my gifts.   And yes, I am gifted.

When you have lived a life of being misunderstood, jealousy, betrayal, loss of loved one's and just plain disrespected, you may ask why.  Why have you been chosen to feel so many unsolicited emotions.  Why did this happen, or why did she say that, why is the negative so much easier to believe than the truth?  But the real question is to not question.  You can not control any one's perception of you.  You can not let anyone's idea of you determine your destiny.  You can share  what you want people to know, but people will  still be more accepting of what they feel is true and what makes them comfortable, and sometimes it may have nothing to do with you. So, learn to not take it personally, and more importantly, stop being the victim. No one owes you more than you owe yourself.

I've learned that to certain people it doesn't matter how kind you are, how much hair you do, how much money you spend, how many errands you run, how much you support them, that person may still feel that they are doing you a favor by letting you do those things.  When in fact, it has been your kindness that has allowed you to overlook their flaws. So it is not really about how kind you are to someone who does not "get it", it's about choosing people who will appreciate your kindness. Changing the way you are perceived by truly investing in yourself, your heart, and where you spend your time makes a big difference.

My thought process gets complicated sometimes, I watch, listen and learn, and I probably take in too much information, but I love it, I take joy in human nature, the good, the bad and the ugly.  We are all fascinating creatures, but not all of us, are using what was given to us at birth.  Some of us, will truly miss out on what this gift of life is really about.   Living a true life takes courage, love and acceptance.  Living your life means that you don't care what anyone thinks about your choices, demand that they respect it, or keep it moving.

My intent is  to help you see the real you, the you that you sometimes neglect.  Don't worry about people so much, surround yourself with those that will help you get to where you need to go, those who will love you anyway and who will tell you the truth.  A lot of people are living in the dark, afraid to let go of their issues, playing the blame game, and go through life on constant victim auto-pilot.  That is their role, all they have is bad news and gossip, that is what they do, then let them do that, just limit your involvement, limit your contact  to negative people and things, do not constantly let them download all that shit on you. 

There are a lot of people who talk positive, but are living negative, and are still wondering why they are still on that vicious merry go around of a life. Nothing stays the same, and if you are not growing and changing and becoming better, that you are stuck on that tread mill, running fast to no where. Free yourself, let go of garbage, forgive those who have tried to poison your existence, it's never to late to live, because you only get one life.

Peace & Love, LLW