How to know when You're Slummin'

A few years ago I had my first slumming experience. It was fun and exciting, but I knew that it would be short-lived. For those of you who do not know what slumming is or is confused about how it relates to you, please let me explain. Slumming is when you are with a guy or a girl who you have nothing in common with, you're not even on the same intellectual level. You may even say that being with this person is dating beneath your "normal standards". You would have committed a slumming faux pas if you are ever seen in public. People would wonder how you two are together, how the hell did that happen, or what is she doing with him or her? There is no real connection except that the sex is insane, which is ultimately the glue that keeps you together.

Let me give you some examples, Janet was slumming when she got with Jermaine Dupri. I mean, the boy likes strippers and lesbians, good for a moment, but not a lifetime. Tiger Woods was slumming when he got with plenty of the miscellaneous hood rats from all over the U.S. He took slumming on a whole 'nother level. Jesse James was slumming when he cheated on Sandra Bullock with that tattoo chick. This slum act can be contested because he actually is still with this tattoo chick and that may constitute him as just slum himself. (And they too have since broke up.)  Bill Clinton was slumming when he let Monica Lewinsky give him that blow job.(Talk about dicks that will make you famous...lol).

During my slum expedition my family was damn near in an uproar. They were confused and sad. They thought I would fall in love, have a baby and marry this fool. That was the last thing from my mind. He served a purpose and at that moment that was all I needed. My mistake was letting them know who he was. Of course, when you have a family that see you as this college educated little innocent girl,(no matter how old I get) who likes having a boyfriend and is easily persuaded to do things that I would not normally do; they went into panic mode. This guy was not what they wanted for me; and I just wanted one thang, I mean thing.:) Aahhhhhhh family. They have no idea about the man eater I really am ("I am the envy of all women and I rule the men". ERYKAH BADU) and I do nothing to dispel their idea of me.  Any who.

A man will often slum more than a woman. Although we have our moments of weakness for men who are clearly not good for us, it takes time for us to get there, it has to be a phase or something. A moment in time that we allow ourselves to be and do something outside the norm. For me, I just needed a young man that could go the distance, keep up and then shut up! Men, however, tend to actually go after the slum chick, they are easy, available and will do anything. (i.e. Kat Stacks). She usually looks less attractive then the girlfriend or the wife and has nothing going for herself but maybe a fat ass and ummmmm well, a fat ass. Some men do not care how many and who has went up in that before them, they just want a piece of the pie (Kanye West).

O.k now that you have been edjumacated, I am sure you have a clear understanding of what slumming is. It's nothing bad, and although you will be judged harshly for it, try not to let it ruin your life. There is hope after slumming, you can move on and get a man that actually is more your speed like Janet did. She is now with a tall billionaire, that is so yummy. Yes, an upgrade was definitely in order. You can get that boyfriend that you often dream of in your head, he is out there. As women we have the power to get any man on the planet. Ladies, please recognize that power! And men don't underestimate it! And for men and women alike, try not to make slumming a everyday  life long thing, because being a slummer is really not a good look. It perpetuates insecurity and you will be inviting a long life of drama.

As some people often do, like, you totally would not want to marry one (in my valley girl voice).

Peace and Everlasting Love, Ya'll

Marriage Made in Heaven?

I often wonder about the institution of marriage these days. Where has all the love gone? These days it seems that marriage means, "Let me see how much bullshit I can throw your way before we decide to get a divorce". Or maybe it just means as long as I have someone to lie next to at night,who cares how dirty they are.

I see there are a lot of things that a person can go throw in a marriage that I simply do not think that I am built for. For instance, finding out that my husband is really gay, being cheated on numerous times or even being lied to.  Fathering other children, or having an "open" relationship. I am not sure those are things that God intended for marriage to be. It is a license that says you will be with me no matter what, I will love respect and honor you as my husband or wife and we will do our best to keep it together. I do not think that involves other people, but yet, people who are married participate in the swingers lifestyle. Sharing or swapping wives and or husbands, like it was placed in their vows.

I see husbands and wives cheating left and right. I see children being affected by it all. I see insecure women holding on to something that is not there anymore, just to say that they have a husband, is misery that important? Is the "look" of marriage more important than what it really is suppose to mean?  I see men putting up with disrespect from their wives and taking on lesbian lovers.  If that is what is the "norm" these days in marriage, then I'll pass.

 I probably won't ever get married because I am just too old fashioned. I believe a man should provide for his family. I believe in loyalty. I am liberal enough to know that the roles may change, but the rules still apply. There are rules you go by when you decide to get married. Rules, that are often broken so much, that you have to makeup more rules to accommodate the ones that were broken. I believe they should also share some responsibilities, whatever those responsibilities are should be decided between the two.It saddens me when I see a woman professing her love for her husband when her husband has others. Does she know? Is she putting on a front? Maybe they have an understanding.  the decision has been made to stay in it for the kids or financial reasons.  I don't know, but I know that at some point the institution of marriage really meant something.  And if did not involve checking a person's credit score. 

I know that marriage is hard, shit having a regular relationship is hard, but I think you should never invite other people into your marriage, EVER! And when you marry for the wrong reasons, it makes it that much harder. Maybe that's why it's hard, that ole' human need that desires another is natural. It's all about control and having respect for what you have at home. Unfortunately, some people have completely lost that. The want to be needed and desired from their husbands or wives becomes the responsibility of a mistress or the pool guy.   If it's just  for a night or ten years, that need eventually gets meet, along with the violation of your marriage vows. Is it really worth it?

I can have someone in my life and never get married, that's because I believe marriage does not validate a good relationship. Maybe one day I will cross that line, maybe I won't, either way I will have a clear understanding of who I am, and who I have invited to be such an intricate part of my life.

If you are married or in a relationship that may lead to marriage, do something special tonight for your loved one. Kiss her longer, hold him tighter, let them feel your love.  Communicate what it is you want and need.   You have to keep the spark alive at any cost, because if you don't someone else will.