My father has been absent from my life, all my life. I do not know the full story of my existence. My mother has choose not to tell me, but cover the real story with lies's and that is her way of either protecting me, or concealing her shame, I don't know. She was young. Being a mother at 16,I can not imagine. But her decision has affected my decisions regarding men all my life. I often believe that there is something lost, an wound open and never closed when there is a missing parent. The interesting thing about all of this is, maybe because I have never had my father, my daughter's father's are not in their live's either. One because of death, so there was no choice in the matter, the other because he simply chooses to not be a father. Maybe he has no idea of what that means either. Which brings me to what we attract. I knew this man would not be a father, yet I still had my child. I was almost ok with him not being there,simply because I was so familiar with not having a father myself and I seemed to have turned out o.k. I knew how to raise my daughter in a way that she would be strong, loving and independent. Yet, I believe that she still needs to have her father. I long to know who my father is, is he still alive? Does he want to know me? There are so many secrets held in the southern states of America, that there is a real possibility that I may never know. There is a man who my mother says is my father, but neither one of us believes that we are related. There is no connection,it's like not having a father at all.
Although I look like my mother, there are things my mother have been that I could never be. I have had two step-father's and I did not get along with neither of them. I have been given the gift of seeing people for who they are and I can not pretend that you are not what you are,even if you are pretending to be something else. I choose to not fake anything in my life, because I live in the truth. My mother married for her to have a husband,not for her children to have a father.
So,where am I going with all of this? Father's love your daughter's,and raise your son's. Stop the destructive cycle of not being in the life of our children; please start taking care of what we brought into the world. We need you in a positive way.
I know not having my father has affected my relationships. Maybe I would have made better choices, been a little more patient. I thank God for those who have been a father figure in my life. The cause has not been completely lost. God always takes care of his children. Although my mother married twice, I still had no idea of what a man looked like. A man that would take care of his family, honor his wife/girlfriend/mother of his children, love and not destroy his children. I know it exist and I will have it in my life as an example to my daughter's.
My journey has lead me to this moment. Thankful that I am not a bitter woman because of what I didn't have. Thankful to be able to recognize what is good and true because of what's in my heart. I choose to create a better life for my myself and my daughter's. A true child of God and I walk in his light for he is the only father that I know. Thankful that although I am strong, God will not give me a son until I marry his father.
Happy Father's Day.....OneLove
