I don't know where to begin with this story of a chapter of my life that did not become significant until now. This isn't a story about how many married men have approached me with the offer of an exclusive affair, or the offer of diamonds, trips and unlimited access to their black card. That's a life I could have chose, but something else was in the making. It has never really been about the men, it has always been about me. This is a story about how the life of a mistress was presented to me on several occasions and I made a choice each time to never be the other woman. The choice that I have always made, but this time it made me realize my purpose.
I am a beautiful woman. Intelligent. Successful in my own right and have dealt with many obstacles in my life. I am a mother, who would sacrifice my life for my girls, because God choose me to be their mother. I can't say that I have always chose the best man, but he was what I wanted at that time. I am not the type to say "single by choice" because if my boaz was to present himself, I would marry him tomorrow. There were some things I needed to learn and get over about being a woman who is visually appealing. Which brings me to married men, I seem to have been their target throughout my life.
From my experience you have two kinds, the kind that does not tell you he's married, which is usually the one that has been married for a while, got married for the wrong reasons and now the fizz has gone and it seems easier to have an affair than to leave. And then there's the kind that tells you right away. I am married, but..... He usually has already had several affairs, been busted a few times, knows his wife ain't going any where and still wants to find someone who will fit what he is looking for. I have heard every excuse possible as to why they need this extra-marital affair; the sex life is gone, I don't feel the same, she doesn't pay attention to me, we've grown apart, she only loves the kids, she let herself go, I am not attracted to her anymore and the list goes on. All of which if I was a woman who needed to be justified by a married man those excuses would suffice. Oh you want me? You are choosing me to make up for what your wife doesn't have? That makes me better than her right?..blah blah blah.
Married men are so charming and confident, what do they have to lose if you say no? Now, some women would feel special that a married a man would be choosing them to fill the spot for his wife, but not me. I will never wear second best on my shirt. And at the rate that I am seeing very few examples of faithful married men in my life, I refuse to become an second option to anyone. I have tried being friends, but that's not ok. I tried just listening to their problems, but that has not always been ok. It wasn't until I started to give advice, that I started to realize what my purpose was. It was not until I started to tell them to remember that you have a wife. Remember that you married her and whatever you are going through right now will pass. In a weird way, I became a therapist to the venting men that were unhappy in their marriages. Sorry, we can not have sex and I suggest you communicate with your wife. The response has been either they disappear or they continue to get advice. I am not going to say that I saved some marriages, I am really not sure about that. But, I will say that by referring them back to where they came from, I am preparing myself for what is coming for me. Karma is real.
I love deep. My heart would not be able to stand an affair in a marriage, outside kids, a mistress or any of that. There are women who survive years of being an mistress. Year's of knowing that she is the after thought of a man who is dedicated to his wife. Dedicated because he has not left her. I also know that it is very difficult to be monogamous with one person. I have my own desires, I have my attractions and God knows that if I was able to succumb to my desires, the satisfaction would only be for a moment. That is just a small piece of what this life is all about. There comes a time when you just want one person that you can give it all to. One person who you can let it all show and have them still love you. A best-friend, confidant, lover. It's possible, so when you marry that person, you make that vow, honour it! A man who finds a wife, finds a good thing. Right? At least that's what they say.
Love her, take care of that good thing. Don't get so caught up in a moment of change. Relationships change because people do, and if you have something that is worth holding on to, go kiss her right now. Hold her and love on her, because if you are married and you run across a woman like me, that is who I will refer you to.
Keep Love Alive!
