SHAME- Loves, Lies & Lust (Excerpt) SPRING 2016

Stephan Green

My name is Stephan Green.  I am the CEO of Telkem Communications.  I started this company from the ground up and I am very proud of its accomplishments.  I am a Harvard graduate.  Although the name, Harvard carries prestige, I am more proud of what I’ve done after college.  I have a wife, her name is Sarah. Sarah is the perfect housewife, mother and friend, I used to love her, but now I just care.  I have given her the life that she deserves; I have provided a smooth and comfortable transition from her humble beginnings to a life of luxury.  On the outside we look like the typical suburban couple.  She is the president of the PTA, very busy with the children and I have created another life that better suits my desires.

All my life I have worked.  I have done what my father did for my mother.  That is all that can be asked of me right?  My parents could only gave me what they received and I had it down to a science.  I would mimic what they did, it was my best example and appeared to work for them.  My mother appeared to be a happy woman, but my father had numerous affairs, numerous children, yet my mother remained, she stood by his side and loved him until he died.  I wanted my wife to be present, but then again, I did not.  I wanted her to act like she loved me like she did when we first meet, but instead, she spent my money to show her appreciation.  I had no real connection to my children, they took on the attitude of their mother.  I was the human ATM.  Family vacations were far and few in between.  A couple of years after the twins’ birth things just began to spiral down.  I knew I was pretending on the inside. I knew that my desire to have Shelly would eventually tear us apart, but I was willing to take that chance.  Take the chance on a life that I could never have in public.  A life that would become the reason I lived.  I loved my children and I even at times loved my wife, but that only fulfilled a very small part of my existence.  Shelly made me feel complete.

Shelly is a tall beautiful woman.  She is my desire.  She makes me feel like I could conquer the world. It was something that my wife lacked.  I am not sure if she believed that I could accomplish what I have or that she was even cared about what I did for a living.  I did what was expected, but for me that left an empty space.  Shelly was warm and attentive.  She asked questions and showed sincere interest.  Then we would make love at the same place at the same time and the same hotel day in and out, weekends or whenever I could get a moment with her.  She was my drug and I was addicted.  No rehab for me.  Who cares that each time I saw her she demanded $2500.  I would take her until my soul died, for me there was nothing else.  Before her my life was dying, suicide was a thought.  Without her I would die.  She was the fuel I needed to tolerate my existing life.  When I talked of a future, she would always tell me to stay with my wife, so I did.

“Hi, Darlin’, how are you today?”  Shelly would ask.  She always wanted to know how “I” was doing and I liked that.  If Sarah were to ask me how I was doing, it would be a precursor to asking for more money, or a new car or something that she needed to make herself look better.  

“How about dinner at The Garden?”  I asked Shelly during one of our phone calls that never lasted more than 2 minutes.

“I would love to”, she said.  “See you at 7.”  She knew my habits.  She knew that if I wanted to take her to dinner and it was a Wednesday, 7 would be the perfect time for us. Tonight I would have two hours to spare. Sarah would be working out with her trainer, and the kids would be with their nanny, so I had the time.

The Garden was a small Italian restaurant located in south of San Francisco that sat on a hill, nestled in Half Moon Bay.

It was very personal, very private and romantic.  Each booth has a view of the water.  That was our place.  After dinner we would find ourselves deeply involved with an affair that was more than just sex.  An affair that begins each time we saw each other.  We conversed about worldly things that spread across globes; politics, music, love, life, and public policies; I rarely talked of my personal life.   She punished me with her intelligence.  I loved her and I think she loved me, though she never said it.  She never had to, this felt like the perfect love.  It did not matter if she did or didn’t. I never had to hear her tell me she loved me.  The last time I heard I love you from my wife, it had no meaning, empty words that held no weight in my heart.

Shelly did things to me that made my soul stir.  Her touch felt like a magic wand.  Where ever her hand touched, I was healed.  She would tie me up and blind fold me.  The unknown became my weakness and it made me high.  She pulled all my strings, and I would let her torture me until I ejaculated.  When our bodies were in motion it was natural and in sync, going where only a breeze could find.  When we were apart, I thought of her like an unopened box of pleasures.  A box that only opened for me, filled with undeserved pleasures.  Soon this will be over and my perception would become my reality.  My vision would clear and I would be back living the American dream with my wife.

I arrived home a little after 10 p.m.  The kids were in bed and my wife was at the computer as usual.  I never knew what she did during this hour, and I never asked.  We would sit and have simple conversations about our day, the kids and plans for the week.  As she talked I would look at her knowing where I had been, knowing that soon this illusion of a life would be over.  For a moment I thought of where had the free spirited woman I’d married gone?  I know something happening, but not sure exactly what.  She became distant and I gave her space.  I longed for something that she could never give me and now that I was getting it from someone else, her voice just sounded like empty space, sound with no meaning.  I guess I looked interested, somewhere deep inside I really wanted to be present, but I just wasn’t and one day I would not be able to pretend anymore.  We gave each other a peck goodnight and I got into the shower looking forward to my next moment with Shelly.

Worked was filled with last minute meetings, and because my company did not reach its forecasted profits, there were talks of a merger with a rival company.  I wanted to wait it out before making any irrational decisions.  I had my assistant book me a week’s vacation in the U.S Virgin Islands, I needed time to think. Maybe I could also send my wife away with her friends, while I unwind with Shelly.

She insisted we had separate rooms, which I agreed.  It would be nothing for my wife to check up on me.  Even though I did not take that many business trips, she would always check on me, making sure that I was where I said I was.   Yet, she never asked to go, or asked why she wasn’t invited. I told her this time that I was going to a business venture retreat with management.  She opted to go to Napa with her friends.  Although I never meet any of her friends, I assumed they were much like her.  I did know that she spent a lot of money on these trips with her so-called friends.  All that did not matter, she was out of the way and I was on my way to paradise.

The time spent with her was lovely.  We laughed and partook in several brands of expensive liquor.  Shelly could consume a lot of alcohol, but never showed it.  If I didn’t know better, I would have thought her to be an alcoholic.  I’ve never seen her drink so much.  I wondered if something was wrong.  I took her shopping, had more dinner and drinks and we were in for the night.  It was the third day, and when she woke up and looked at me, and decided it was time she went home.  I didn’t question her although I wasn’t ready for her to go.  I guess all of our fun had been had.  I decided to stay a few more days and head home early Friday.

When I arrived home, it was late in the evening.  I stopped by my office to check on things and spent more time than anticipated.  Once I arrived, there was no one home, so I assumed Sarah and the kids were still gone.  The emptiness of the house was an example of what I felt when I was in it and everyone was at home.   I took a long hot shower and decided to watch a movie.  I do not remember the last time that I sat in my home and watched a movie; I can’t remember a time that I actually wanted to be at home.  I put on my robe and went down to the den to look for something to watch.  There were tons of movies, I did not know we had such a collection.  There were several movies for the kids, time I must have missed with them.  There were old movie classics like Beverly Hills Cop with Eddie Murphy and Taxi with Robert DeNiro, and Reservoir Dogs.  I would just watch as many as I could, maybe something like Reservoir Dogs or Unusual Suspects.  I also noticed a black box with several unlabeled movies in it, so I popped one in.

I’ve never watched a porno, but from the looks of it, my wife does.  As I watched and the focus of the film became clear, I noticed it was my wife.  She was dressed in skimpy clothing that I’ve never saw her wear.  Her makeup was dark and she looked like someone I did not know.  There she was getting worked over by one, then two men.  The look on her face was pure indescribable, one I had never seen. She was doing things that we never had done, not even when we were in love.  I was in shock, but I could not stop watching her.  As I went through the movies there were scenes of her with women, then men, then women and men, I was astounded, I felt like the blood had drained from my body.  Who was this woman?

As I sat there, I was brought back to life by the sun piercing through a small area of the blinds.  I had spent all night looking at these videos of my wife and her escapades.  She was living a life that I had no idea about, a life that she so well covered up, a life that she kept her smiling like Martha Stewart.  I wanted to ravish her body like those men, but a part of me was disgusted.  I wanted to be angry, but the satisfaction I was getting while watching my wife with these other men would not allow me to.  We both were finding pleasure with other people and from the outside it worked.  Now from the inside I know it worked too; we did not bring any of our outside doings to the family.  I was relieved; the little guilt I was feeling vanished.  So I will not say nothing.  I wonder if she knew about my affair with Shelly and choose to not say nothing.  I will keep my wife’s secret; there is no reason for divorce, no reason to argue over something that  means nothing. This is what we have become.  This is the life we have chosen for ourselves.  I will continue to see Shelly and she can continue to be and do whatever she pleases, that’s marriage right?

Shame-Love, Lies & Lust Excerpt-Spring 2016

Elizabeth

I love my man. He is the nicest guy I ever meet. He is very accommodating and always tries to make the best of everything. I love him. There is nothing that I would not do for him. He makes love to me like no other man; my body is his canvas to do whatever he please. Considering the other loser’s that I have had in my life, he was my knight in shining amour.

We meet one day at the Berkeley Flea Market. I was just making a quick visit to pick up my favorite incense and jerk chicken. It was a hot day, so I was wearing my pink and white sun dress with no bra. Although I am on the heavier side, I wore my weight well. I haven’t always been the most confident girl, but a good man that loves me and all my flaws changed all that. And there he was, standing by the group of men beating their drums to the sound of my heart. He stood out like a lit candle in a dark room. His smile meet my eyes and before I knew it we were talking about getting together and makin’ things happen. His name was Keven.

I slept with him the first night we meet and every night after that. My girlfriends hated him and was a bit surprised by this instant love affair. He was good to me and they were single and man less. My best girlfriend Tracy, went as far to think that he was a prime candidate for a down low brotha’. He dressed well and argued with her constantly. He had a best friend who always was anti-social. Just seemed to always be hangin’ around for no reason except to just be with his “boy”. That shit meant nothing to me, I had no reason to be concerned. She was my friend, had been since the 3rd grade. She had been there through break-ups and make-ups and get-back together’s. There was no fighting me without fighting her too. So when it came to her opinion, I gave her the benefit of the doubt and listened to her rant. “Are you serious about this guy? I mean really serious? Tracy would ask those questions in disbelief at least once a month. Yes! For the umpteenth time, I love him, he is fine, he is mine and I am happy with him. So why can’t you just be happy for me? We both understood what happens when one friend gets a man and the other remains single. I just wish she didn’t have to voice her opinion so much. I know that Keven had been in and out of jail since he was a teenager, he didn’t have a job, not much education, but he did what he could. So when he got caught up with this identify theft sting, it was not a problem for me to wait the 18 months of time her had to serve in Santa Rita. “I don’t know Liz, this guy just seems a bit off, two years no job? What does he do, just fuck you good? I just smiled, only I needed to know the answer to that.

It was the longest time ever. I felt like I was doing time too. The weekend visits and the talk of marriage kept me interested and satisfied. My sexual needs were meet with some good batteries and a bullet. He always looked good, kept himself up and made me feel like I had something to look forward to. He wrote the most romantic letters, said the most wonderful things, and I was falling more and more in love with this man.

During this time away, I got in shape, lost 35 pounds. I even got promoted to Manager at my job and moved into a larger apartment with hopes of having children one day. I saved my money because I knew when my baby came home he would need the money to make a fresh start. Usually when he came home he would always live with his best friend John, but this time he as coming home to me. He would have new gear and shoes, so when he came home he would be fitted while celebrating being home It had been a little over a year and he would be home early for good behavior.

A few weeks before Keven was released I started receiving text messages on my phone to ‘leave him alone”. When I called the number there was just an anonymous voice message. There were notes left on my car saying, “He’s mine, he’ll never be completely yours”. At first I thought this was some sick joke from one of my friends. We had all been kickin’ it tough since his lockup and they knew I would be unavailable when he came home, so I thought nothing of it. But when I came home from work and there was a note saying that I was a “Dead Bitch”, I immediately took notice. It was no longer a joke, I was pissed. I had always kept a gun in my home. I was stalked by an x-boyfriend who I eventually had to put in jail. He was abusive and I came home too many times with him sitting in my living room with a pistol in his hand. Now I lived alone and I needed it for protection. I would never be a victim again, so I kept it loaded.

During my next visit with Keven I told him what was happening. He said he had no idea who this could be. How could he? He was in jail and I wasn’t going to let it spoil my moment with him. I was preparing for a lot of things for us. I was looking forward to us spending the rest of our lives together, so whoever the hell this was, was going to have to deal with us being together. Although I appeared to be secure in our relationship, I did wonder who this could be. Keven had been in jail for over a year, did he start a relationship with someone and made her the same promises he made me? It sure would be possible, because sometimes that is what men do, lie and say whatever to get whatever, especially the ones that go to jail frequently. These questions started to clog my brain, but I wasn’t going to let it spoil his homecoming.

The day had arrived. Keven was coming home and I was more than elated. I had taken some days off work just to be with him. I took a long hot bath, put on some clean sheets and prepared to pick him up. As I walked to my car I noticed another note, this time it just said “Stupid!’. I just didn’t get it, but I was not worried. Maybe it was an old girlfriend that had resurfaced, or a mad woman whom he had had a previous relationship with, I don’t know. He had no children, so there was absolutely no baby mama drama. Whoever it was, it was too bad for them because I was going to pick him up and tonight he would be in my bed.

As I waited for him to come out I thought about the time we meet, all the love we made and how good he was to me. He was my best friend and I could not wait to show him how devoted I had been. Before I knew it, he was standing there knocking on the window of the car, I unlocked the door. It was hard to contain myself. He looked the same, maybe gained a little weight. He smiled and gave me a kiss. He appeared to be happy to see me, but looked as if something else was on his mind. He was there, but not really here with me.

“What’s wrong baby”

“Nuthin’, just hungry” Being on the outside again always takes an adjustment, happy to see you though baby”.

“Oh good”, I fried some chicken with greens and cornbread”.

“Ok, yeah, Do you mind if John comes by, you know he’s my dog and I haven’t seen him in a minute”.

“Oh sure, no problem”. I was thinking, what the fuck? You haven’t seen me either in a minute and I have a pussy, what the fuck was this?

The drive home was silent. That was the beginning and the end of our conversation. Why the hell did he have to see John today? What was the urgency? Now that he was coming over, I was all of a sudden not in the mood, not excited and the thrill just died. All this was for him and he wanted his friend to come over? I guess we would have all night to make up, so I guess I didn’t mind that much, but damn.

John came by and we ate ad watched old episodes of Martin, it was a marathon weekend. Keven and John just talked about people in the hood. All the who was doing what, when and with who was covered. I was completely bored and felt left out, I could not wait until he left. When I felt myself getting sleepy I realized that it was almost 1 am in the morning and John was still here. I was completely annoyed. When Keven finally came to bed, he said that John was too drunk and needed to sleep it off on the couch. I was even more annoyed but the fact that Keven went straight to sleep left me more than heated, I needed to get laid and why didn’t he? I was pissed off, but I guess he needed to rest and there was this adjustment factor to consider.

A few days went by and I was returning to work. John had been visiting every day. I hope this comes to an end soon because he is the last person I want to see when I come home. Keven and I was finally able to make love, and it was ok, not as passionate as I thought it would be. For a man who had been locked up for over a year, I thought we would be going round for round at least 3 or 4 times, we only had sex once.

My vacation was over and I was getting dressed to go to work. I cooked him breakfast before I left. I know things would get better, he is just getting used to being on the outside. Tonight when I get home I will cook him a nice dinner and make him remember what it is to be with me. Being locked up with a lot of knuckle heads day in and out will sometimes make you lose touch with the real world. I figured I would come home for lunch for a quickie and give him the real deal later on that evening.

I quickly left work a little before noon, so I could get a full hour in with him. He did not have the biggest penis, but he definitely worked what he had, and I loved it and missed that part of him. As I walked into my home, I smelled cologne, I thought my baby must be in the shower, that’s even better. I would attack him, while he was butt naked! As I got closer to my bedroom I noticed unfamiliar clothes on the floor, and what sounded like a struggle or something, nothing too loud but very noticeable. Was my baby in trouble? I kept my gun in the hall way closet, so I slowly grabbed it. I tiptoed back down the hallway and slowly opened my bedroom door and God could not have prepared me for what I saw. It was john fucking my man and my man having the look of complete pleasure on his face. Everything went black, I heard four shots and when the smoke cleared there were two dead bodies on the bed.

When I was a Little Girl

When I was a little girl growing up in Mississippi, I used to wonder why my grandmother got up so early.  It would still be dark, but she would be in her room listening to church music, starting her Sunday dinner or just laying in bed, while humming a song she recently heard.  I admired my grandmother she was a tall skinny woman that bore eight children and still had her figure.  She was always filled with words of wisdom and she loved everyone.

I remember when I fell off my grandmother's porch and cut my eye, she placed a piece of cold meat over my eye to stop the swelling,  no doctor needed.   She would cook the best peach cobbler with peaches right out of her backyard.   She would even take out the pressing comb and do her hair right there in the kitchen.  So many skills, so many talents, things that came naturally to her.  She would tell me things like get your education, put God first and boys will always be there, so save them for later.  I never knew the kind of life she had before I became her grandchild.  I often wonder what her childhood was like and where she came from.  I didn't get a chance to ask about those things before she passed on to heaven.  I can only wonder what those early mornings meant to her.

Here I am a lot older and a little wiser and I too have learned to appreciate the early morning hours. It is when I spend most of my time writing and connecting to what is naturally mine.  It is when the earth is the most quiet, while the world is fully awake. The moon is still shining in her full delight and I am enjoying the pureness of this moment. for it is mine.  It is my time to reflect and to meditate.  It's a chance for me to look at my girls sleeping, dreaming and praying for their future.  I cry sometimes, just so my tears can carry whatever load I am carrying from my body.   It is my time to be thankful and appreciate this journey.  My life is changing in so many ways, events in my life had to be this way in order for me to appreciate whats to come. There is always sun at the end and at the end there is a new begining.  Believe that each day things will get better.

I believe when my grandmother had those sacred times in the morning, she was expressing her gratitude for whatever it was that made her happy.  She was living in her moment that she shared with God.  We must all have those moments.  Revisit moments that made you the most happy and bring that feeling to your current situation.  The past is the past, it is gone, it can never be relived.  Step into what is yours now with gratitude and love and watch how life changes.

PeaCe and LoVe,

LLW

One Woman These Men (Man #2) Fall 2017

Malachi could have been a womans dream if he could just get his shit together.  He would have these job's and then after a few paychecks he would disappear.  He had a temper that he could not control, but he loved life and I loved being with him.  He never asked for much and all he wanted was to be with someone who could accept him as he is.  Which was a bit much considering  he had over seven kids and five baby mama's, none of which he made no attempt to marry.  Those facts alone would make any woman think twice about being serious with this man.  He was a fun guy that sold you a believable fantasy, topped with unbelievable sex.   When you wake up, you realize that it was all a dream and all you have is a real baby to show for it.  It worked for five women and who knows how many others. But too bad for them, those are issues I will never have.   I had  no intention of creating a life with Malachi.   So you can understand when I say when he disappeared I didn't mind, he was not my man.  When he appeared he came with flowers and a good time.

We meet one evening after I had just finished listening to one of  the longest depositions in my life. I was ready to have a drink and relax for the evening. I just walked to the nearest bar  I could find.  There is always this unspoken vibe that when a woman walks into a bar alone, she is either there to pick up a man, meet someone, or lonely.   Today, I didnt give a shit about opinions, I just needed a drink.  I sat at the bar, ordered a sidecar.  Yes, it was that kind of day.   I started to think of my husband who was doing all this time and how I was spending my time.  I wanted to feel guilty, but I didn't.  I wanted to let him know that he no longer controlled my every move and that I was living out every fantasy without him.  I wished he knew me better, I wished I showed him more of me.  The more of me that was a lot like him.  In mid-thought I was interrupted by a deep voice, a voice that left me almost speechless.

"May I sit down?"

"Yes".  As I looked over my shoulder, this man was very handsome.  He had these incredible green eyes, that was surrounded by his mocha skin.  His beard was unkept and rugged.   His clothes were well put together, not the white t-shirt and shit that most men that approach me have on.  He was nice and appealing.  He asked me a lot of questions, some which I lied about some which I told the truth.  Are you single?  Yes.  Are you married? No.  Are you looking?  Well, of course.  I thought I could always use a man to play with and to take up some of my time every now and then.  Are you available?   The more alcohol we shared the more he opened up about the complexity of women, his children etc.  Shit I didn't care about.  Solve your issues before you get to me, I am not a therapist.  I listened anyway, as I wondered what it would be like to sleep with him.  I wondered how he used his hands, if he was a good lover or just a fucker.  I wanted to know, but somethinng was telling me to take it slow and see what happens.  I already had two toys in my box, did I need a third?

It's been over a year and we still see each other every now and then,  He will be in town this weekend.  I am not sure why I have kept him around.  There is something special about his company, he made me laugh. The sex was nice. He knew how to please.  It was like a new relationship each time, and each time I would pretend that he was a new guy.  We were a secret, and we had to get it all in on one take.  Some of it was true, but he knew nothing about me.   I painted the picture of a lonely lawyer, too busy to establish a real relationship and he was my knight in shining armour, or something like that.  What mattered was we really enjoyed our time together. And then he would be gone again. Hopeless, but convenient.

I knew all he wanted was an affair......but I had to refer him back to his wife.

I don't know where to begin with this story of a chapter of my life that did not become significant until now.  This isn't a story about how many married men have approached me with the offer of an exclusive affair, or the offer of diamonds, trips and unlimited access to their black card.  That's a life I could have chose, but something else was in the making.  It has never really been about the men, it has always been about me. This is a story about how the life of a mistress was presented to me on several occasions and I made a choice each time to never be the other woman.  The choice that I have always made, but this time it made me realize my purpose.

I am a beautiful woman. Intelligent. Successful in my own right and have dealt with many obstacles in my life.  I am a mother, who would sacrifice my life for my girls, because God choose me to be their mother.  I can't say that I  have always chose the best man, but he was what I wanted at that time.  I am not the type to say "single by choice" because if my boaz was to present himself, I would marry him tomorrow.  There were some things I needed to learn and get over about being a woman who is visually appealing.  Which brings me to married men, I seem to have been their target throughout my life.

From my experience you have two kinds, the kind that does not tell you he's married, which is usually the one that has been married for a while, got married for the wrong reasons and now the fizz has gone and it seems easier to have an affair than to leave.  And then there's the kind that tells you right away.  I am married, but..... He usually has already had several affairs, been busted a few times, knows his wife ain't going any where and still wants to find someone who will fit what he is looking for. I have heard every excuse possible as to why they need this extra-marital affair; the sex life is gone, I don't feel the same, she doesn't pay attention to me, we've grown apart, she only loves the kids, she let herself go, I am not attracted to her anymore and the list goes on.  All of which if I was a woman who needed to be justified by a married man those excuses would suffice.  Oh you want me? You are choosing me to make up for what your wife doesn't have?  That makes me better than her right?..blah blah  blah.
Married men are so charming and confident, what do they have to lose if you say no? Now, some women would feel special that a married a man would be choosing them to fill the spot for his wife, but not me.  I will never wear second best on my shirt. And at the rate that I am seeing very few examples of faithful married men in my life, I refuse to become an second option to anyone.  I have tried being friends, but that's not ok.  I tried just listening to their problems, but that has not always been ok.  It wasn't until I started to give advice, that I started to realize what my purpose was.   It was not until I started to tell them to remember that you have a wife. Remember that you married her and whatever you are going through right now will pass.  In a weird way, I became a therapist to the venting men that were unhappy in their marriages.  Sorry, we can not have sex and I suggest you communicate with your wife.  The response has been either they disappear or they continue to get advice.  I am not going to say that I saved some marriages, I am really not sure about that.  But, I will say that by referring them back to where they came from, I am preparing myself for what is coming for me.   Karma is real.

I love deep. My heart would not be able to stand an affair in a marriage, outside kids, a mistress or any of that.  There are women who survive years of being an mistress.  Year's of knowing that she is the after thought of a man who is dedicated to his wife.  Dedicated because he has not left her.  I also know that it is very difficult to be monogamous with one person.  I have my own desires, I have my attractions and God knows that if I was able to succumb to my desires, the satisfaction would only be for a moment.  That is just a small piece of what this life is all about.  There comes a time when you just want one person that you can give it all to.  One person who you can let it all show and have them still love you.  A best-friend, confidant, lover.  It's possible, so when you marry that person,  you make that vow, honour it!  A man who finds a wife, finds a good thing. Right?  At least that's what they say.

Love her, take care of that good thing.   Don't get so caught up in a moment of change.  Relationships change because people do, and if you have something that is worth holding on to, go kiss her right now.  Hold her and love on her, because if you are married and you run across a woman like me, that is who I will refer you to.

Keep Love Alive!

Fast Forward Fast...And back Again!

I can not believe that I have let so much time pass without writing on my blog.  If you read my blog, you will find that I often have those moments where I am just MIA, and I know I am not the only one.  Have you noticed what the planet's have been doing lately? Retrograde, direct and squaring off.  The world has been bananas, but guess what, it has all been worth it.  The fight, the disappointments, the courage,  the tears, the explotions, the pain and ultimately the change.   That's right, good ole' change.  The never ending life happenstance that occurs in all of our lives.

The level of change is so dynamic within all of our lives that we sometimes do not have the chance to feel it.  If there is a time when you need to make a drastic change, or see your life as it is and get rid of anything that is no longer working, now is the time.  Some of you may have already expereinced this change.  Some of you may already be living out the next level of what could be the begining of your greatest life yet.  Other's not so much.  They may even be those who are still fighting the fight.  Still trying to control "what" happens.  Let me save you the trouble and just tell you; YOU have no control, so relax.  The only thing, if anything, you will accomplish is restricting your growth and causing more pain.  Let it go, my darling, the other side just may be easier and even more beautiful.

Yes, there is more to this.  There is something that we must all come to realize in order for it to be accomplished.  You and I are not just existing on this earth just to fill space.  We all have a purpose. A divine purpose.   If you were able to know what that was at an young age, that is great.  This is more for those who are still trying to figure it all out.   Still trying to fill that space.  That space is you, it all begins with you. There is still time, as a matter if fact, there is no time.  Everything happens in divine order, and when your energy shifts and becomes ready, you will  know.   Decide now that the time is now.  Take a chance on making whatever your dream is come true.  Decide what you want in life and go after it.  Once you make the first move, the univers will gladly assist you along the way.  You will start to manifest what it is that you truly desire from this wonderful gift we have.  The gift that is given at birth and how we use it is our gift back to the universe.

So, are you ready?  Do not think about time, think about being better than yesterday.  Think about how great you are.  Take the time to feel what it is like to have everything you want.  Envision that awesome career, or business you want, the love of your life or even a current situation that you do not have the answer to being completely solved.   Right now you have everything you need to get there.


Peace, Love and Happiness :)

LLW