It was New Year's Eve. I am not one for partying and all that, but a friend from high school was having a New Year's Eve party at her house, which was only 5 minutes from where I lived, so I decided to dress up and enjoy myself.
I am a very positive person, I believe whatever you manifest in your mind, will eventually come to life. I enjoyed myself at the party despite being single in the land of coupledom. I checked out the vibe and how people relate to each other, because I am also a people watcher. I can tell how long people have been together or who is the insecure one in the relationship just by how they interact. If I become really interested they become material in a book or blog that I might write.
After that night I was home by 12:15. I was ready to welcome the new year with new goals and aspirations and I also wanted a man. Hindsight is 20/20, I never was specific about the man. I had been on plenty of dates, no real connections, declined two engagements and was wondering where this relationship thing was going in my life. I was at home alone on New Years Day.
It was a Facebook notification that caught my attention. I was never really into Facebook. I find it quite cumbersome to read or write what people did all day, I mean like who cares? To me, it was a narcissist haven. But, I enlisted and signed up anyway. At first it was fun, I found my 5th grade crush, cousins in Mississippi I didn't know about and even my high school sweetheart had resurfaced, so it was all in fun and good to connect with those whom I had lost for the last 15 or 20 years. But then he appeared. A guy whom I had shared the same high school with, we knew some of the same people so after him commenting on a few of my post, we started to chat.
The compliments were endless, he was somewhat cocky, yet confident. I liked that. Most men are intimidated and timid, even for a mere conversation. I have never been hungry or thirsty. I have dated what appeared to be the best of the best (a Pro-Athlete, Engineer, and business owner), so you would have to be a confident man to step in my circle and he had me pinned. He became what I needed, he put on the best front ever and I feel for it, hook, line and sinker. I can not even tell you about the sex, it was crazy, and I was attracted, never had it like this, wow! But then the red flags, the possessiveness, the controlling became the ruling factor in what appeared to be a real relationship. Now this was the turning point, I hated to be controlled or be with anyone who is insecure, I was getting annoyed and confused. Whatever I learned in college, did not teach me about relationships.
I know some women would have stayed with this man. He was tall (6'2"), dark and handsome. Talked an incredible game and believed he was the shit. The sex alone would have made you forget that he was really a bum. An insecure woman would have felt the need to "help" him and to still be there for him, even though the obvious was there. At this point , I had learned to not ignore signs. Although I can count the serious relationship's I've had on one hand (long-term girl), I knew this was not right. My confirmation was when his true nature began to surface. The abuse from his mom, and the weird relationship they had started to show in his interactions with me. For instance, what man calls his mother, "mommie" at age 37? RED FLAG!! She supported him living in her home, but when there was a woman involved he was the scum of the earth and of course she hated me, for no reason except that he gave me attention that was no longer her's. And yes, she had a man. Half dead and handicapped, but she had a man...lol Weird shit, but hey, I've seen worse. All of a sudden he had no job, no car or any kind of income to claim and he made the offer to live in my place....Ummmmm no, double negative. So I devised a plan to get rid of this man, and trust as sharp as I am, that wasn't difficult.
His plan was to live in my home, live off my income and drive my car and all the inappropriate shit that men who are not really men do. So, I pretended to be broke, all of a sudden my car wasn't working, then I needed money to pay this rent, expectations that I knew he could not live up to. Although he became angry and asked what my problem was, I pretended that I was just having hard times and needed help. Most men would have happily helped a girl out, but this mofo was offended that I did not have the income to support him (So he thought).
It was my kindness that he tried to take advantage of. It was the fact that I was single and wondering where my man was that caught me at a moment of vulnerability, but the lesson has been learned and he was my science project. I attracted a man, without being specific about what I wanted. I could have made the decision to accept what was given. I could have hung on to certain aspects of the relationship (sex), hoping that he would catch up on the rest. I could have continued to believe his outrageous stories, but the woman in me knew better. I had had better and I knew that this was a test. The decision to stay could have led to down a road that would not have supported the best in me. Love, brings out the best in you, love brings out the best in you, yes I typed that twice.
So Ladies, if it does not feel right, it is not right, no matter what it looks like on the outside. Stand firm that once you are ready, you will give out the energy to the universe to attract what is good for you. Be aware, become better, work on you, because a good man isn't a better man until he has a great woman beside his side.
Peace and Love Ya'll
