I recently gave birth to a baby girl. She is my second daughter, my first daughter is 15 years old. My pregnancy was an eye opening experience. It was a lot different from being 23 years old and having a baby. I am in love just the same, but this time, the father is absent and the choice has been his and to have her was mine.
Since my first daughter's father has passed away, I know he would have some choice words for a man who does not want to participate in a child's life, but I knew where he stood upon my decision to have my daughter. Even though I want her to know her father, in the long run, it's probably best that she does not. He's that guy who was good for sex, and nothing more. A small mind with nice dick. Not the biggest, not the longest, but the nicest...LOL...Kind of like the the girl who you would fuck, but never marry for whatever reason. After four years of playing around, the real stuff has arrived. And like a pup with his tail between his legs, he runs and he runs fast, but not long. My daughter is a wonderful surprise and a wonderful blessing and again I am in love. Even though I do not understand the decision for any person to not want to be in their child's life, I know that as a mother I am going to do my part and raise her to be the best woman she can be.
I am glad that I have another daughter. I have done well with my 15 year old,and this should be a breeze, right? I am not sure, but I am looking forward. This also changes the way that I date. I am more interested in the man that is about something, instead of the man that is just existing and doing nothing. No more tolerating the loose minded for entertainment, and God knows that I have been entertained. It is all about timing and this is the right time for me. I have enjoyed my single hood (single 4 years), it has really given me a chance to see who I am. I needed to have the growth. Now that I am a single mom of two daughters it makes me want to get on my grind even more. Push my book that I am writing. Push the net working and just start really focusing on my future as well as my girls. Men have come so easy for me, but I want that man, man...LOL.
In time it will all come to fruition. Just like the sand flowing through an hour glass, the time will come. I believe that if you see your future, and see how you want it, it will pan out just as you planned it, if not better, however it comes, it comes perfectly. Just focus on every little detail and it will come. I am a writer, I am not meant to work in corporate America. Even though that route has given me a nice income, I am so much more than what they see. I always have been. So now it's time to focus on that and just "do me".
As I embark on this new phase in my life, this new era, I will share as much as I can. There is nothing more gratifying than sharing an experience and having someone learn or share in the experience with me, that's one of the reasons why I write, it's for the love and for life's common themes that we all share or can relate to. First the book, then the movie...I am comin' at cha!
Stay tuned.....
